


The Road to Shanshu

by Titti



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-14
Updated: 2002-01-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 22:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 53,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/pseuds/Titti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel discovers what Shanshu really means and needs Spike to face his new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road to Shanshu

**Author's Note:**

> This happens a few years after the gift. Buffy is back and Spike still has the chip. However, Buffy and Spike are best friends and nothing more.  
> Written before Darla was pregnant.  
> MPREG Challenge #4: 1. Angel must get pregnant. 2. Wesley misinterpreted the scroll: Shanshu means that Angel is now able to create life.

**Prologue**

**Cordelia's POV**

That day had gone pretty well. We had two paying clients with easy cases, we received a bonus check from a very satisfied costumer, and I didn't have any visions. This was a sharp contrast from the last few days, especially the night before when multiple visions had forced us to split up in different groups. Gunn had to use some of his friends as back up, Wes and I took care of another problem and Angel went by himself. We were successful but something must have happened with Angel because he locked himself in his room and refused to talk to any of us.

At about 8:00 pm I decided to go upstairs and check on him. While none of us usually goes to his room, I felt that something was wrong. When I went inside I couldn't find him. His bed was untouched as if he never went to sleep that day. I heard the water running so I called for him. He never answered. I tried again, maybe the water had muffled my voice. No luck.

I shyly went inside and I heard the muffled sounds. He was in the tub cradled in a fetal position rocking himself. He wasn't really crying. He was moaning in pain. I tried to get close him, but his game face appeared. I backed away. I know enough not to antagonized a vampire with no control on his demon. His body was covered in bruises. Even with his healing abilities I could see the sign of the fight.

I called Gunn and Wes hoping that he would respond to them. They tried different approaches for a few hours but nothing worked. The moment one of us would get near, his fangs would descend and the ridges would cover his forehead.

At a loss of ideas, we decided to call Giles, hoping that the older watcher could give us some suggestions. When they heard of the situation they told us that a committee for Sunnydale would be on his way. I hated myself for that. Angel is my best friend and he would not like to be put through this humiliation. Wes reassured me that we had no choice. We couldn't leave him in that state.

They must have broken every traffic law in the state of California because they reached L.A. in record time. Buffy was the first to come in. She just waltzed in as if she owned the place. I didn't understand why she was here; after all she has less tact than I do and even less experience in magic. I guess she will come in handy when we have to kick some ass. 

Willow followed her with Tara close behind. Xander told me that the two are joined at the hip. Lastly, Spike came in. I was shocked. Willow and Xander both have told me that the bleached vampire has become a valued member of the Scooby gang risking his unlife to save theirs, but the last time he was here he was torturing Angel. 

I started cursing at him, threatening to stake him. The three women went to his side defending him. I knew he couldn't hurt me because of the chip, but that didn't mean that I couldn't hurt him.

He just stared at me for an eternity and then he finally spoke.

"He's my sire, luv. I'll do what I have to."

No smirk, no nasty remark, just two simple sentences stated calmly. 

Wes told them how we found him leaving some details out and what little we knew about his last fight. Buffy wanted to see him hoping to bring him out. I led her upstairs. I wouldn't leave my friend with her. Spike followed us silently.

Buffy tried to talk to Angel, but his game face was back on. She suggested that she could forcefully restrain him, but I vetoed that idea pretty quickly. We were still discussing what to do when Spike acted.

He dropped his duster on the floor and took his shirt off. He was on his hands and knees crawling toward the tub. I saw his fangs cut his wrist superficially, enough to draw blood but not enough to do damage.

"Angelus, it's me. It's Will." 

He repeated the words slowly as if talking to a child. He continued to move toward Angel. When the older vampire looked up, I was certain that he would morph again, but I was wrong. My desperate friend was sniffing the air. Wes later explained that he smelled the blood, recognizing family ties.

Spike was able to reach the tub. He didn't move then. He just sat at arm's reach. When Angel stopped sniffing, the blonde raised his cut wrist and pushed it forward to the brunette's mouth. A small, tentative lick at first, then a bigger gulp. For the first time since I found him, Angel was attuned to reality. He raised his gaze and his cinnamon eyes met the blue ones in front of him. The wall fell down at once and sobs ripped through his body.

The blonde jumped in the tub with grace and speed uncaring of the water coming from the shower. He blanketed Angel's body with his, enveloping the larger body in his arms.

"William" sob "help me" sob "please help me."

Buffy and I left the room soon after that. We'd find out what happened to break Angel. For now he deserved comfort even if it came in the form an evil vampire.

**PART 1: Facing The Injuries**

After a few hours, Spike had managed to get Angel out of the tub and into the bed. 

"Pet, I have to check your wounds. I still smell blood so we have to find the reason why they are not healing properly. Okay?"

The dark haired vampire merely nodded. After the initial plea for help, the vampire had refused to speak. Nodding and crying were the only form of communication.

The blonde began inspecting the numerous wounds that covered the trembling body in the bed. There were bruises of different color covering every part of the injured vampire's body. On careful examination, he realized that wooden splinters were imbedded underneath the skin. He knew this was no random fight. Someone really hated him to do such a thorough job. 

"There is wood under the skin. I need to find a pair of tweezers to get them out. Do you have any?"

Angel pointed to the drawer in the nightstand. After rummaging inside, Spike found the desired item and began the tedious job.

"What happened to you mate? There is wood everywhere." He really hadn't expected an answer and he didn't receive one except for more sobs.

When he found that sensitive skin of Angel's sac had been marred also, Spike had to fight to keep his demon at bay. The demon was raging inside for his sire. He wanted revenge. However Spike knew that revenge wouldn't help Angel at the moment.

"Luv, I am done. You have to turn around now. I want to check your back too."

Spike kept his voice soft hoping to calm down the shaken vampire. However, the whimpers didn't stop.

He was completing his task when the smell of blood hit him. That wasn't surprising in itself since the wounds were still oozing blood, but this was different. It smelled of blood and something else, something musky. He finally located the source of the new smell. He could see droplets of blood between Angel's ass cheeks. It confirmed his suspicions.

As his demon had suffered for his sire, now Spike was suffering for Angel, the man. True, rape and violence were part of a vampire's life. Angelus had been no stranger to them as the cause and the receiver of them. However, the souled vampire had spent the past century living as a human. Spike hoped that he could survive this new emotional battle.

"Angel, listen to me, I have to check you internally. I see blood and I want to make sure that there isn't anything wrong."

The whimpers became sobs and howls.

"Don't, please, don't touch me, don't hurt me."

"No luv, I am not going to hurt you. You're safe here. Noone is going to hurt you as long as I am here. "

Spike was drawing small circles on the brunette's back hoping to relax him enough. When it didn't work, he began to purr. Slowly the sobbing slowed down. When the older vampire stopped crying, the blonde tried again.

"Pet, you know I have to do this. We can't have you bleeding, now can we? Trust me, it won't hurt, I won't hurt you."

When he saw the nod, he searched for something to use. He found a tube of hand cream and he copiously coated his finger.

"I know we really don't need to breathe, but I want you to breathe with me. Okay?"

The Watchers' diaries were full of references about vampires not needing to breathe. However, they didn't know that the familiarity of human habits helped vampires in times of need. Spike, being a little more human than most vampires, had retained almost every single one of his old human habits and managed to pick up a few after being turned. 

"Okay, I am going to check you now."

He kept one hand steady on Angel's lower back massaging it. His finger carefully searched for what was causing the bleeding. He felt a little piece of wood and cautiously managed to get it out. The tears that he had fought so hard came flooding down as if a dam had suddenly broke.

Spike rushed to the bathroom. He managed to suppress the nausea that he felt. He couldn't believe that anyone would be so cruel. He wondered who hated Angel so much to do this to him. Angelus might have had many enemies but none of them usually stayed alive for long. He couldn't believe that the souled version of his sire would have an enemy so bitter. Spike swore that the being that had reduced Angelus this way was going to die.

When he finally felt that could control himself and his demon, he returned to the bedroom with a wet towel.

"Duck, I am going to clean you up now. It's just a wet towel, nothing to worry about."

Every action was preceded by an explanation. Angel had been traumatized enough and Spike didn't want to surprise the man in any way. 

Satisfied that he had removed all traces of the violence, Spike moved toward the dresser. He returned with a pair of boxers and sweat pants.

"You can turn around again pet. I am going to help you put these on, okay?"

This was too reminiscent of all his years taking care of his Black Princess. In all his unlife, he never thought that he would be doing the same for Angelus. To Spike, Angelus represented strength and invulnerability. This was too unbelievable to conceive. 

He pulled the underwear and the pants on, careful to maintain skin contain at a minimum. He didn't not want to upset the traumatized vampire more than he already was. As soon as he finished, he covered the older vampire. Angel turned to his side curled himself into a fetal position using the sheets to hide from the world.

"I am going to go downstairs for a few minutes. I'll be back soon."

The pleading resumed before Spike even finished to speak.

"Don't leave, I don't want to be alone. Please, please. I'm afraid." 

"No luv, I'm not going to leave you. I'll stay with you until you ask me to leave, and even then I can't guarantee that I am going to leave you."

He kneeled down in front of Angel, blue irides staring into the chocolate ones. He gently moved a lock of damp hair from the brunette's face. Spike almost jumped for joy when the other vampire didn't flinch under his touch. A tender smile appeared on the blonde's face.

"I am going to get you some blood. You haven't feed in two days and your body needs extra blood to heal. You know that. I am just going to get it and I'll be back. Besides, if I don't let your friends know that you're okay, your cheerleader is going to stake me."

Even Angel smiled at the last comment. Cordelia could surely scare the crap out of any vampire.

Without thinking about what he was doing and the possible consequences, Spike placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before going downstairs.

When he reached the hall, he avoided eye contact with all the humans present. He went straight to the reception area where Cordelia was standing.

"I need three bags of blood, human if possible. If you don't have it, see if you can get it quickly."

His tone was brusque. He really didn't want to deal with them at the moment.

"Don't worry Spike, we'll feed you."

"You stupid bint, there are for Angel."

He really tried not to antagonize the dark haired woman. After all she had tried to stake him on his arrival and he did not want a repeat. However, no one was going to talk to him like that.

"Spike, I'm...I'm sor..."

Before anyone could stop him, he had the seer in his arms murmuring sweet words. He was having a hard time reconciling this woman with the image of Queen C. She seemed so much older that the other Scoobies. He guessed the visions and life in LA in general had matured her beyond her age.

(Cor, I can't believe that I am playing mommy to his friends also, I'm such a nancyboy.)

"Thanks, I'm sorry for my outburst. It's hard."

With a smile Cordelia proceeded to warm the blood. As soon as the microwave rang, she gave Spike a tray with four mugs.

"One is for you, I figured you're probably hungry too."

"Thanks pet."

He tried to go upstairs without any further discussion, but it was not going to happen. He really didn't know the watcher and the black man, but he could see in their eyes the same love and caring that sparked in Cordelia's. The British voice broke his thoughts.

"Spike, how is he? We really must talk to him. We need to find out what happened."

"He'll be fine. He needs time. There is nothing that you must do at the moment except go to sleep and rest. He may need you during the day when some vampires like me like to sleep."

Since her rebirth, Buffy had formed a strong friendship with the blonde vampire. His feelings for her went from obsession to love, albeit a friendly one. During the past few years, she had also learned to read him like an open book and was aware that he was withholding something.

He was almost at the stair when the petite slayer approached him. 

"Spike, we are his friends, we need to know."

Spike put down the tray and pulled her close. Kissing her head, he smiled sadly at her.

"I know Slayer, but it's his prerogative to share or not. Give him time and he'll open up. Just be ready for it."

Fighting tears back, she asked one more question.

"How bad?"

"Bad, luv, really, really bad."

Having said that, he picked to tray and went upstairs. When he entered the room, he found that Angel had not moved. The chocolate eyes blinked open at his entrance, searching in panic for the source of the noise.

"It's me, Angel. Your friends are downstairs. They wanted to say hello but I told them that it would be better to wait until tomorrow."

He kept talking, keeping his tone light and non-chalantly. 

"Willow and her friend Tara came with me and Buffy. The watcher and the other man are here also."

He approached the bed putting the tray on the nightstand. He extended his arm holding a mug while sipping from another.

"You're going to have to sit up, pet. Can't drink lying down like that. You better drink because I'll force-feed you if I have to. You should know that I am very good at that."

Both vampires remembered a time when Drusilla had decided that she was going to follow one of the trendy diets at the end of the century, the nineteenth century that is. She refused to drink blood for two days before they realized that the reason was that it was not an allowed food in the diet. Dru screamed and yelled when Spike told her that she had to. In the end, Spike won that battle.

Not wanting to go through the same treatment, Angel slowly sat up and took the offered mug. When he put it to his lips he began to drink avidly. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. The second mug was emptied just as quickly. The third was finally savored before putting it back on the tray with blood still in there.

"Thanks."

"It's your blood, mate. You paid for it."

"Well, I didn't mean that. Thanks anyway."

"Don't mention it, poof."

(Shit, I didn't mean to say that. How can I be so stupid?)

However, Angel seemed not to notice. The familiarity of the moment doing more for the shaken man than any words could do. Spike neared the bed and sat close to the other man, but never actually reaching for him.

"Cordelia told me that you haven't slept since it happened."

"I can't sleep. If I close my eyes, I can see them. I'm afraid."

"You need to sleep, Angel. It'll help you heal."

"No, I can't, please, don't ask me." 

A glaze was covering the cinnamon eyes and a single tear streaked the angelic face. Spike intellectually knew that touching the other vampire may not be the best course of action, but he always acted on instincts. So he embraced the brunette and held him close. Angel didn't pull away.

"Will you feel better if I stay?"

Angel nodded.

"Okay then, lie down baby and go to sleep."

Spike fixed the covers. He couldn't believe he was talking to Angel like he used to do with Dru. Child speech was second nature to him after a century and he found it so easy to use in moments of crises. 

Shaking his head, he moved toward the armchair situated in a corner. It looked comfortable enough. Then again, there was a time when he slept on a tombstone in a damp and cold crypt. The carpeted floor was comfortable compared to it.

"No."

"No what, pet?"

"Sleep with me, in the bed."

"I don't mean to sound unappreciative, luv, but are you sure?"

"Yes, I need to know you're here with me."

Spike nodded. He stripped down and pulled on a pair of Angel's boxers.

(One day I'll learn to wear those damn things. Mighty convenient at times.)

He lay down on the bed staring at the ceiling. In seconds he felt another cold body spooned against him. He turned on his side and pulled his sire closer to him, brushing the dark hair with his fingers. When he was certain that Angel had fallen asleep, Spike followed the other vampire in slumber. The next day was going to be another hard day.

**PART 2: Facing Life**

"Angel has been a week, you have to get out. We can spent all our time in this room."

"If you're bored you can always leave. It's what I did when things got tough."

"No, you don't. You want to fight for being an arsehole and leaving me and Dru, then we fight. But you are not going to use it to make me go. You may be a coward, but I am not. I never leave the ones I love, no matter how hard things get."

Angel knew that it was true. He didn't know what happened between the blonde and his Dark Princess during the decades, but he knew from personal experience that Drusilla could drive a vampire to stake himself. But he never left her, he took care of her, in the end she was the one doing the leaving, just like he had done in 1898.

"Please let me stay here. I don't want to go downstairs. I wouldn't know what to do, what to say."

"They are your friends, pet. They just want to know that you are okay. Besides if you don't go down, the cheerleader is going to dust me. Come on, just do your part to keep me undead."

Spike couldn't believe it when Angel got up and pulled a t-shirt on. Finally they were going to leave this room. He was also hoping that the dark haired vampire would confide with one of the humans. Up until now Spike had been unable to discovered what had happened.

Cordelia was the first to greet them. She was the one who was most affected. Buffy and Angel may have shared a great love a long time ago, but she was the one who had shared with him every day of their existence for the past 3 years.

"Hi, Angel."

The two smiled at each other. Words were still too hard to form.

"Angel is nice to see you."

"Yeah, Buffy is right. We haven't seen you in such a long time. Not that we wanted to come under the present circumstances, but it still is nice to see you. And Goddess, I think I said too much. I still tend to babbler much when I am nervous. This is Tara, you remember her."

"Hi, Angel." The blonde witch stayed near Willow limiting her contact with anyone else.

"Hi, Willow, nice to see you too. Buffy. Yes, I remember Tara, hello."

"Would you all stop it with the polite chit chat. You all make me bloody sick. Peaches, need blood?"

"Yes, thank you, Spike."

Spike wanted them to act naturally. Angel had spent enough time locked in his own world and in his own room, now he needed to return to reality. While he was helping Cordelia with the mugs, the other two employees of Angel Investigation arrived. 

"Nice to see you, Angel."

Gunn put a hand on Angel's shoulder. This was instinctively perceived as a thread by the still shaken vampire who morphed in his game face and attacked the black man. Spike ran to the couple and forcefully separated the vampire from his friend.

Still on the floor, Gunn forced an apology, not sure of what he had done to provoke the attack.

"Angel, calm down. It's okay, mate. He didn't want to hurt you. You are scaring all your friends pet, come on."

With tears in his eyes, Angel's human face reappeared. He hadn't meant to hurt his friend but he couldn't control the demon when he felt the touch.

Forever the researcher, Wesley couldn't restrain himself from asking questions.

"What happened Angel? I mean we know you didn't lose your soul, but why couldn't you control the demon and why Gunn?"

"I don't know what to tell you, Wes."

Spike couldn't stand this tip toeing anymore. Angel needed to face this before his demon took control. Noone could afford to have Angelus around, especially a pissed off and crazy Angelus. 

"The truth would be a start. I am sick and tired of the martyr image you are trying to maintain. You are a bloody vampire, start acting like one. You are no stranger to violence. We hurt others, others hurt us. We heal, we deal and we move on, mate."

He wasn't sure if it would work. He had a feeling that it may get him staked but he didn't know what else to do. When Angel fought back, he knew he had made the right decision.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You don't know shit."

"So what don't you tell me? What happen to scare the shit out of the high and mighty Angelus?"

They were both screaming at each other unaware of the humans present. Oh Spike knew they were there, but he couldn't afford to stop now. If he got Angel to open he didn't care if Satan himself were present.

"I was fucking raped. Me, Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, I was raped by fucking humans. Humans, not demons, not vampires, no, it was humans, the ones with the soul, the innocents I have to protect. Do you understand that they destroyed my life, that I wanted to killed them slowly after hours of tortures, can you understand that?"

Angel collapsed to the floor after letting out all that was bottled in him. Spike used all of his vampiric abilities to reach his side as fast as possible. He was embracing the older vampire, holding him close.

"Yeah mate, I know exactly what it means to have humans destroy your existence. Don't look at me so surprised, the chip, remember? Any of these humans here could stake me and I could do nothing to prevent it. But I don't use it as an excuse. I fight and I have been fighting for three years. You have to do the same, luv."

Spike's words made their way into the hearts of those present. Even the people from Sunnydale had never realized how much the blonde vampire had gone through. They felt ashamed that they hadn't tried harder to find a way to remove the chip.

"Do you want to tell us what happened, pet?"

"I can't, not yet, please Will."

Chocolate orbs were melting into the blue ones just inches away from each other. How good it felt to be lost in sea of love present there. Almost too good.

"Okay luv. Just remember that I won't leave you alone until you tell me. You should remember how persistent and annoying I can be."

Angel chuckled at the last statement. He remembered vividly how William had upset Darla and Angelus with his questions and actions.

"Come on, let's sit down. They can tell us how much damages the two little witches have caused to your hotel."

Breaking the tension, the two vampires sat down in one of the numerous couches that adorned the hall of the Hyperion. The others sat all around them. Angel was clutching Spike's hand. The blonde never tried to leave his side. Soon the brunette's head was resting on the younger vampire's shoulder. A muscular arm was wrapped around Angel's broad shoulders giving the emotional support the vampire so desperately needed at the moment.

They stayed with their friends for a few hours. The conversation moving away from anything hellmouthy and toward every day life. The witches shared their desire to go through a binding ceremony to make their love official. Buffy was complaining about the mortgage and the bills, sounding more like Joyce than the young slayer that Angel remembered and had loved.

Spike sensed the man in his arm tense. He was reliving every bit of conversation to see if anything that was said could have caused the tension. Remembering nothing specific, he looked straight into the older vampire's eyes and spoke softly. He knew only the slayer would hear them.

"What's wrong?"

"I feel weird. Remember when you were human and felt nauseous, it's the same type of feeling." 

"Mate, I don't remember too much about being human. I'm surprised that you do."

"I wasn't the most obedient lad. Too many hangovers are difficult to forget."

Mirroring smirks appeared on their faces.

"You're busting my chops, right? There's no way that you can be nauseous. You're a vampire; we don't get sick remember?"

The brunette got up without answering, running toward the small sink. He started throwing up blood proving to his...what?...friend...childe, that he was really sick.

"Bloody hell. Angel, you are really sick."

"No shit. Spike, brilliant observation."

Spike could deal with almost anything, he had read psychology books to help Dru, and he learned to cope with mental problems. But he drew the line at physical illnesses. 

"Watcher get your bloody educated arse over here."

"What can I do to help? Oh Lord, Angel, why are you sick?"

"Why in the Satan's unholy name do you think I called you? If we had the answer we wouldn't bother you."

However, the watcher was at a complete loss. He and the witches began to research a way to find out what was the problem.

The days passed without any answer. Angel would throw up some of the blood. It happened at different times, the lapse of time from his last feeding would also vary. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason. 

They searched in vain. No texts contained a mention of a sick vampire. No new prophecies surfaced. Giles also contacted the Council to find out any possible reference but couldn't find any. Spells to pin point the disease proved useless also. Cordelia was hoping for a vision, but none came.

In the mean time, the two vampires grew closer, recreating a bond that had been destroyed by time and reciprocal injuries, emotional and physical. Angel would refuse to leave his room without Spike. The blonde to his merit wouldn't leave his side even when he was among his friends.

Two weeks had passed since the incident and Angel had yet to leave the house for any reason. Spike had been patient but he was feeling restless. The blonde vampire wasn't even allowed to smoke at the Hyperion. His natural hyperactivity had been suppressed long enough.

"What you say, mate, should we go out? We can go to a club or a pub."

All the humans held their breath waiting for an answer. They knew that Angel needed to face the real world if he had to heal. They also knew that they would stake Spike if he stayed inside any longer. Even Buffy who had grown used to his restlessness couldn't t take him anymore.

"God we are so stupid. Of course you should go out. You should go see Lorne. He is your other connection to the Powers, right? If I don't have a vision, maybe he can read your aura."

"What are you talking about, bint?"

Spike, the oh so perfect gentleman, was pissed that they had a way to figure out what was wrong with his sire and never thought about it.

"Cordelia is right. I am surprised we didn't think about it before. The Host will probably be able to help us."

Before Spike could explode once more, Buffy interrupted.

"Wesley, we have no idea what you two are babbling about, so spill it before I hurt you."

The LA crew explained about Caritas and the abilities of his Host. So it was decided that they would all go. Angel had not said a word during this discussion. When he did, he wasn't too agreeable.

"I'm not going. I am not leaving the hotel. I am not singing in front of anyone."

Sensing another panic attack, Spike reached his side and started petting the brunette's head like a mother does with a hurt toddler. If the situation hadn't been so dramatic, the four women would have gone "awwwww" to the tender scene in front of them.

"Luv, first, you have to go out. You can live the rest of you existence in the hotel. We live way too long for that. Second, if that's the only way we have to find out what's wrong, I'll effing drag you to that place. Third, I need a fag. And don't even think about staring with those puppy eyes because I'm evil and I won't give in."

Angel had to laugh at the last part. Spike had been anything but evil since his arrival. He wasn't sure why he had only opened up to his childe. He reasoned that blood is indeed thicker than water. However blood ties went only so far in explaining the devotion the blonde had. Spike had been his friend, his nurse, his caretaker, his link to the outside, he had been his everything for two weeks. Not bad for an evil vampire.

"I'll throw up and it'll be embarrassing."

"We'll bring extra clothes and if anyone even smirks I'll slay him. Besides it'll give you a chance to show off your nancyboy clothes. I am sick of seeing your perfect body in those buggy clothes. Even the whelp has better taste."

(Cor, did I tell him that he has a perfect body? Shit, he is going to freak out on me.)

But Angel just stared at him, a major session of brooding ready to start.

(I wish I could tell him how dirty I feel. Nothing about me seems perfect or even good.)

"No, you don't. No brooding allowed. Let's get you dressed and we are ready to go."

* * *

The six humans plus the two vampires were warmly greeted by the Host. One look at the even paler than usual Angel seemed to calm Lorne's natural flamboyancy. 

"What's the matter, sweety? Haven't seen you in a while. And so many new people with you."

After all the introductions were made, Wesley once again was elected as the official spokesperson and went on to give a PG version of the that tragic night and the resulting nausea.  
However, Angel refused to sing.

"You know I can't read your aura if you don't sing, honey. That's how it works."

Spike growled at the Host. No one was allowed to be so friendly with Angel. However he remember that the green demon might be their last hope for an answer.

"He doesn't have to sing in public, does it luv? He can just sing here a few lyrics and you can tell him."

Angel was thankful once again for Spike's quick thinking. He would have walked in the sun rather than sing in front of all the demons and humans present.

He didn't have to sing long before Lorne interrupted him.

"There is nothing wrong with you, sweetcheeks. You are just pregnant."

Facing The Rage - Part 3

**Angel's POV**

I am pregnant. I am fucking pregnant. I can't believe this is happening to me. I am so close to taking a walk at noon. Only Spike is preventing me from actually doing it.

After a very interesting night at Caritas, Lorne told us that I am expecting. Congratulations. They all seemed happy for me, well maybe not all of them. Spike seemed pissed like hell. He would have ripped Lorne's head if the others hadn't stopped him. Are they fucking out of their minds? I left the club cursing and screaming at them. Yeah, fucking congratulations. 

Did I ask to be pregnant? No I didn't. I didn't ask to be raped either, but hey any way to fulfill those shitty prophecies. Yeah, I forgot to mention that the all point of that bloody Shanshu prophecy is that I am able to create life. Big fucking deal.

I don't want to create life. I wasn't even too thrilled about becoming human, but I always thought that if I could stop just short of the final fight, I would stay a vampire with my preternatural abilities. Well, that's a moot point now since I won't become human ever again. 

Wesley apologized for incorrectly translating that piece of crap. Like I give a shit at this point.  
How can I explain to them that I don't want this baby? I don't care about its destiny, I don't care about its job in saving the fucking world or those pieces of shit that live in it. I know that this baby will be a reminder of what happen. I can't take that. I have to find a way to get rid of it

I have made a few stupid attempts. I put rat poison in my blood. The thing tasted awful, however it didn't seem to have any consequences on the baby. I guess the damn poison doesn't affect me so it can't be passed on. I tried other herbs that are said to induce miscarriage, but nothing happened. I even searched for spells, but nothing worked.

So I am standing in my tub doing the only thing I can think of. I am going to stab myself in the stomach. I know Spike checks on me frequently so I don't have to worry about dying from blood loss. Even if I were to die, it would be easier that living like this.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

Angel hasn't been the same since we discovered about his pregnancy. The morons had the stones to congratulate him for the bundle of joy. They are all loonies. Even my Dru had better sense that the bunch of them.

'Oi mate, you are a vampire and you're expecting.' Yeah, I can see that one going well with most vampires, male or females. Anyway, he has been brooding since then. They have been the worse 7 days of my existence. 

I have kept a close eye on him. He doesn't think I know about the poison and the herbs, but I do. If he doesn't want this baby I am not going to stop him. But tonight there is something more, an aura of despair that I don't usually associate with Angel. I can sense that something is wrong from downstairs. I run to the bedroom. When I enter it, I don't see him. I go into the bathroom and I find him naked in the tub with a knife pointed at his stomach.

He looks like a deer caught in bright headlights when he sees me. He hesitates long enough that I can take the knife from his hand without injuring him or the baby. I guess it's time we talk.

"Get out from the tub and get dressed. I want to talk to you."

I don't ask, I don't beg, I order. It works. He seems too shocked that anyone is using this tone to question it. 

"We are going to stay in this bleeding room until you tell me everything. If you leave anything out, I'll tell the slayer what you tried to do and she'll keep your arse. So start talking because I am sick and tired of your attitude."

Yelling has worked in the past so I give it a try once again. I guess the demon in us always respond to orders because Angel sits on the bed hugging his knees. Shit he looks so lost. I sit next to him and he rest his head on my shoulder. I keep him close although I regret my lack of body heat. I wish I could warm him up.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I lay my head on his shoulder. His arm tightens around me and I want to lose myself in his embrace. I know he won't let me do it. He wants to know what happened, but it's hard. I have never been the best at sharing my emotion and now it's even more difficult. I am glad that we are not looking at each other. I don't think I could tell him if I had to stare into those blue eyes of his. I couldn't live to see the scorn and disappointment in those orbs. So I start my tale:

When Cordelia had the vision, I didn't wait for anyone else. There were innocents in danger so I had to go. When I reached the house, I went in. I never realized that no one had invited me in. I should have known that I was too late, but I rushed in without thinking.

The Powers have sent the vision so why should I question it. I am fighting for redemption, right? How was I supposed to know that the fucking Powers would be so cruel to use my seer, my friend to send me there only to fulfill a damn prophecy?

All that shit about me working for my redemption, it's all bullshit. They wanted to screw with my head until I was at the wrong place at the wrong time so I could get raped. 

When I got there I saw the bodies on the floor. They weren't humans but half-demons. You wouldn't know from the house. They had the children's pictures on the wall, the white picket fence, and the bikes in the yard. They were the perfect American family.

I sensed someone so I turn game face on. I was fucking speechless when I saw who he was: Lindsey McDonald, lawyer for the fucking rich and evil.

I attacked him without intending to kill him. I don't kill humans, right? I can't, it goes against my bloody redemption. I wanted to hurt him though. I wanted to make him feel what those poor demons felt. 

I should have known that he wasn't alone. He wouldn't have the balls to kill the demons. He wouldn't dirty his hands with their blood. 

Then again, I am really stupid because this is not the first time that Lindsey has me on my knees. No, he has done it before when he got Dru to turn Darla. So I find myself in the same fucking situation. There were four of them: two humans, I couldn't identify what kind of demons the other two were from their smell. 

They used their tazers repeatedly so I wouldn't fight them while they tied me up. Even after I was tied up and on my knees they kept the tazers close to my body. I guess they didn't want any surprises from me.

I remember Lindsey kneeling down and taking my face in his hands. I could smell the blood that was coming out from his nose. He didn't even bother wiping it.

"So we meet again, Angel. It seems that you have a way of ending up at my feet."

I could smell alcohol on his breath. He wasn't drunk, but had enough in him to lose the last vestige of moral restrains. He surely wasn't too far-gone to forget his own bloodlust. He ordered his men to undress me and my clothes were ripped in seconds. So I was standing there in front of this little piece of shit that I could have killed many times in the past and I was naked with my hands tied behind my back and tazers ready to buzz me. For a moment I was tempted to let Angelus out and fuck the consequences.

He kicked the wooden table and broke its legs. He kept one for himself and gave the others to his 'associates' as he called them. They used them to beat every inch of my body. I could feel the wood penetrating the skin. It burned, but they wouldn't stop. I morphed but even in demon form I was too weak.

I didn't cry at the beginning but the pain became unbearable. I was on the floor by then, crying and moaning. I could feel the wood everywhere, my legs, my arms, my chest, my ass, and even my balls. The only place they left alone was my heart. I was praying for them to misjudge a hit and stake me. I was praying for that but it never happened.

When I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I heard Lindsey ordering them to pick me up. They brought me to the kitchen and they laid me on the aisle. I knew what was going to happen. Angelus had done it to others too many times not to know. But Lindsey surprised me once again.

Angelus is a saint compared to Lindsey. Okay so maybe he isn't but I can tell you that Lindsey can be really a sick bastard.

* * *

I guess I am trying to avoid the rest. I look at Spike but he just stares back. He doesn't ask me anything. I guess he knows that I have to do this alone. So I continue with my story.

* * *

I wasn't fighting anymore, didn't have the strength. He knew he won but our past made it impossible for him to walk away. He lowered himself until his mouth was next to my ear.

"You'll be begging me to fuck you before the night is over."

I wanted to kill the prick.

Then without notice, I felt something being stuck inside me. He kept trusting in and out, in and out. I knew it was the table leg, I could feel the splinters tearing the lining of my anus while he fucked me raw with that stick.

I was beyond tears by then. I wanted to die. I begged to die.

That's when he replaced the piece of wood with his dick. He was excited by the power he had on me. He, a poor child turned lawyer had made the Scourge of Europe beg for death. I think he must still be high from it.

That's when I lost my grip on reality. It wasn't that his dick was hurting me more than anything else he had done that night. On the contrary there was so much blood in my channel that I was lubed and the blessed relief from the lack of wood should have made me a little happier. But with each trust he was claiming his power over me and I couldn't take that.

Do you want to know what the ultimate humiliation was? He held his orgasm in check until he made me cum. He told me that he wanted me to remember that I was hot for him. Only after my orgasm he climax inside me.

They left me on the floor. I don't know how long I stayed there. When I sensed that dawn was approaching, I put on the extra clothes that I keep in the car and drove back here. When I arrived I went straight to my room. I took all my clothes off and went into the tub. I stayed there until you found me.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I have always known that humans are the worse evil. So his story shouldn't shock me, but it does. I guess I have always admired Angelus' strength. If this has happened to him, it could happen to any demon or vampire.

Once the shock fades away, a stronger feeling permeates my body: anger. I want to make the prick suffer. I want to kill the one that hurt my friend, my sire, mine. I want revenge. 

However, I have a bigger and more immediate problem: Angel. His tears are soaking my t-shirt warming my body. I tighten my grip once more, before turning to look at him. He avoids my gaze. I know from experience that he must feel ashamed, he must think that it's his fault. I know because it took me months to realize that it wasn't my fault that the Initiative captured me.

"Angel, this is not your fault. You are a vampire, not Superman. There are limits to your strength too."

He still doesn't look at me.

"I know that you would have fought them if you could."

That's when he finally looks at me with a sad stare.

"Would I? I had plenty of opportunity to kill Lindsey, but I never killed him because he is human."

"Luv, please listen, you can't blame yourself for what others do. You are pretty good at that guilt trip but don't take the guilt of the entire world on your shoulder. Sometimes, it's not your fault and this time, it definitely is not you fault."

"Do you..."

"Do I what?"

"Do you hate me now?"

"Baby, I could never hate you. I love you too much to hate you."

I swear I didn't mean to tell him. But we have spent every moment of the past month together. All memories have surfaced and a new friendship has been forged. I know he'll never love me back, but I'm love's bitch. I have been hurt in the past, but I keep coming back for more.

"You don't have to tell me anything, Angel. I just wanted to let you know that you can always count on me."

"Spike, I think...I...please kiss me."

So I do. I can taste his tears and the blood he has recently drunk. I can taste his love and his fears. I can taste his hope and his rage. I want to disappear in his essence but I stop myself. He has gone through enough. I have to give him time. I don't want to be just his comfy blanket.

"Angel, wait. We can't. You don't know how much I want to make love to you, but we need time, luv."

He nods but I am not sure if that he agrees with me.

"Besides, you gotta tell me what you want to do with this baby. I am going to help but I can't let you stab yourself."

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He stops the kiss. He's telling me that I need time. I know it's an excuse. How could he want me? I'm damaged goods, I'm fucking pregnant with someone else's child.

Then he asks me about the baby and I'm lost again.

"I don't know, Spike. I truly don't know. I hate the idea of being reminded of that night. I dread the prospect that I'll look at the baby and see Lindsey. I fear that no matter what, I'll resent the baby. I'm also afraid that this baby will become an instrument in the games that the PTB like to play. I have suffered enough in their hands. I don't want my child to do the same."

"Ducks, I can't tell you about what your feelings for the baby will be, but I can tell you that this is probably your only chance. It's not like you'll just find another person to have a child with. I don't know what your child will be and how his life will be affected by the Powers. But think about it. Do you think that Buffy would rather have not been born than serve the fucking Powers as the Chosen One."

I can't believe he is trying to convince me to keep this baby. I thought that he was the only one that understood me. He must read my mind because he continues with his little speech.

"Luv, I don't care about the baby right now. I care about how you will feel if you do something hasty. You tell me that you can't kill the bastard that did this to you, but you think that you can kill an innocent child and live with yourself. I don't think so, Angel. I think if you kill this baby you'll feel even worse than you do now. You can go through with the pregnancy or you can abort, you can give it for adoption or you can keep it, but whatever you do, make sure that you can live with yourself because eternity is a long time for blaming yourself."

I was right, he does understand me. He knows how much this decision weight on my soul. I lie on him once again and let free my tears. I just want to be held. I'll decide tomorrow.

**Facing Uncertainty - Part 4**

After six weeks of absence from Hellmouth, demons and vampires had caught on to the fact that the slayer was MIA. Xander had phoned informing them that they needed to go back before things got out of hand.

Reluctantly, the witches and the slayer packed their things. They really didn't want to leave Angel. He was just getting back to a normal life, or at least as normal as life got for the souled vampire.

Spike had informed them that he would stay in LA to help his sire. He didn't specify what kind of help he was going to provide. Buffy was grateful that Angel had someone who obviously cared so much for him. However, she was sad that she was going to lose her best friend.

Everything was set and they would leave the next day.

"Red, I need to talk to you."

"Yep, what's up, Spike?"

"I want you to do that spell."

"You sure? I mean, we are not really sure if it works and the risks, well, you know that there are always risks."

"I know but I have to take the risk. He's been hurt by humans. I need to be able to watch his back if the need arises. Besides, you and Blondie are powerful, I trust you with my life."

"Okay, because you will be trusting us, with your unlife that is. I'm sure Wes has the ingredients. Tara and I can do it tonight."

Within hours, the three of them were in one of the empty rooms at the hotel. Spike was sitting in the center of a protection circle. Herbs and salt had been placed in the room, candles had been lit and blessings had been asked. 

Tara and Willow began reciting the spell in unison, voices growing louder. A strong and sudden wind engulfed the room. An intense light brightened the room and struck Spike. Then it was all over.

"Bloody hell Red, what did you do to my head? I didn't need a spell, I could have just put my fingers in the socket."

"Well, it may have worked too. The spell didn't remove the chip, it just short circuited."

"You mean all this time I could have electrocuted myself and destroyed the chip?"

It was Tara who answered this time.

"But, we, we didn't, don't know, you could have gone up in flame."

"Well witches, no point discussing it now. So did it work?"

"Hit me and we'll know."

"Are you sure, Red?"

"Positive, just don't hit too hard."

Spike punched her in the arm. Nothing that would hurt, but hard enough to set off the chip. He was ready for the pain that would surround his brain, but it never came.

"Ouch, that hurt."

Hugging the red-haired, he picked her up and swirled her around the room.

"No it didn't, it didn't hurt at all." His laughter filled the room and the two witches' hearts.

* * *

They were all in the hall of the Hyperion. Bags in the car. Ready to go back to Sunnydale.

"So ready to leave, Slayer?"

They had both had tears in their eyes. The bond between the two had made them inseparable. Now after a few years, they would have to split up. The petite slayer hugged her former enemy.

"I'll miss you, Spike. Life won't be the same without my very annoying vampire." A sad smile covering her face.

"There is something you should know. Red destroyed the chip."

He searched her hazel eyes to see if this new revelation would destroy their friendship.

"About time, Spike, about time. Just take care of him for me, 'kay?"

"And you take care of Nibblet and the others, even the whelp."

They finally let go and Buffy said her goodbyes to the others. When she was at the door, Spike's voice stopped her.

"Hey Slayer, make sure you keep dancing. You're too good at it."

Confused faces were pondering the meaning of his words. Only one bright face knew exactly what he meant.

"You are not bad yourself, Spike. Almost as good as me, but not quite."

"Go away, Slutty, before I show you how good I really am."

"Promises, promises, Spike."

Both were laughing, enjoying their last verbal bickering. But all good things come to an end and Buffy left LA and Spike. Turning to his sire, he began to give orders.

"Come on, you haven't slept all night, time for a nap."

"I'm don't want to."

Spike chuckled. The others were amazed at the whining tone. Angel didn't whine. He was serious and broody.

"Mate, you're almost as good as I am at whining. But it doesn't work with me. Up to bed, now." With a sigh he added, "Go on up. I'll be there in a minute. Happy?"

The smile on Angel's face told him that he had just made the right decision, even though he really needed to smoke and feed. He also wanted to go out and test the chip. He wouldn't kill, but damn if he couldn't kick some arse, of the evil variety of course.

"Before you start doing whatever you do there is something I need to tell you."

Spike hoped that he could tell them about the chip without any bloodshed. He cared for Angel and he would do anything to make him happy. He bagged it for so long that he didn't need to go out and feed, not that he wouldn't enjoy that. But he wanted the brunette more than he wanted the blood.

"I have fought and protected the Scoobies for five years. At first they paid me, but then I did it because I loved Buffy. I learned to love them too, and before you say anything Princess, yes even Xander. I would give my life for them. The chip didn't make me do that. I did it because I cared."

Taking a deep and unnecessary breath, he looked around and saw that he had everyone's attention.

"Willow deactivated the chip last night. I asked her to. I want to be able to protect Angel from anything and anyone and that includes humans. I'll fight to keep him and what's his, safe and that means the three of you. However, I wouldn't hesitate one second if any of you tried to hurt him. The same way that I won't hesitate to kill any human if he threatens Angel. So if you have questions or doubts, now is the time, because I won't discussed this damned chip anymore."

The stares he received went from shocked to confused to panicked and back to shocked. 

"Will you bite?" Cordelia was the first to recover and went straight to heart of the matter.

Spike had to laugh at that.

"Only if you ask me, pet."

Cordelia actually blushed. She couldn't believe she gave him such a lead in. She should have learned by now that Spike could do more damage with his tongue than with his fangs. Then she returned to the subject at hand.

"You know what I mean. Will you start feeding from humans?"

Spike could feel all eyes on him.

"I won't if that's what Angel wants."

Clear, simple and to the point. They would have to learn that he was still evil and would modify his behavior to suit Angel's needs, not theirs.

"It's very simple, really. I'll do anything in my power to protect you. I won't feed from humans. I will fight for him while he is pregnant. In return you lot will make sure that he is happy."

Cordelia went over to him and shook his hand. "I know I'm crazy for making a pact with a vampire, but...we have a deal."

"Good, I'll go up now."

When he reached upstairs, Angel was already in bed. Of course he wasn't sleeping. He could never sleep anymore if the sculptured body of the blonde wasn't next to his.

Spike stripped down leaving on just his boxers. He really hated to wear those boxers but he didn't think that Angel would appreciate a naked vampire in his bed. He sat on the bed and spooned the older vampire close to him. Here goes nothing, he thought, the worse he can do is sending me away.

"I got to tell you something."

Angel was scared of that tone. Spike was never serious. He yelled, he pouted, he smirked, but he was not serious unless something was wrong. He sat down close to the blonde. He hoped that he hadn't changed his mind about Sunnydale. He didn't know that the blonde and his Buffy had grown so close, but it was obvious that what Spike and Buffy had was a hell of a lot more that what he ever had with the slayer. They had friendship.

"The chip doesn't work anymore. I already promise the princess downstairs that I won't feed on humans."

Angel was surprised that after being restrained by the chip for so long, the blonde hadn't gone out to slaughter, main and torture. But then, that was more Angelus' style.

"Why would you promise her such a thing?"

"Oh Peaches, you can be really dense, you know? It's because I want to be with you, because I want to be able to love and protect you. If not feeding on humans is a condition for that, then..."

Spike shrugged his shoulder as if it was the most normal thing for a vampire to do. However Angel couldn't believe the extent of the sacrifice for his sake.

"Would you do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, luv. I always have and always will. You just never trusted me enough to believe that. You could have saved us both a lot of troubles if you did."

They knew that the blonde was referring to his departure after he gained his soul. Angel had tried to continue his evil journey but couldn't do it. Darla wouldn't accept him with his soul. He had refused to listen to Spike when he had told him that he should leave Darla and go with the blonde and Drusilla. Instead he left by himself.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's in the past, Peaches." 

"Are we in the past?"

Spike tightened his hold on the brunette. He chose his words carefully. He wanted the man in his arms so very much, but he would be damned if he would be the cause of more pain. 

How could he explain that Angelus had been his everything? He had regarded him as his sire, his friend, his teacher and his lover. He remembered Drusilla draining him, but he also remembered waking up in this man's arm. He could still feel now the same attraction and devotion that he felt then.

During one of her few lucid moments, Dru had told him that Angelus had given his own blood to make him. He didn't know if that was true or the invention of an overactive imagination. He never asked again. One thing he knew for sure: his love for the dark vampire.

"Shit Angel, you sure know how to lighten the mood. Listen to me, I love you, never doubt that. I don't know if it would be best for you. You need time, you have had more hormonal imbalances in the past 6 weeks than in the past 250 years, and the memories are still fresh. Do you really want to start something now?"

Angel turned to face the blonde and kissed him lightly on the lips. When Spike didn't respond, the dark haired vampire deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping inside the blonde's. That's when the brunette felt the hand on his shoulder moving to the back of his neck and beginning to massage that oh so erogenous spot. He closed his eyes enjoying the wonderful sensation. He felt cold lips leave a trial of butterfly kisses on his jaw. A tongue darted into his ear and dull teeth nibbled on his lobe.

"God Spike, I have misses you so much."

His blonde lover was almost on top of him. That sweet mouth traveled to his neck biting and licking his jugular. He felt a hand reach for the elastic band of his boxers. He raised his hips to help the blonde undress him while lowering Spike's own boxers. Their erections were pressed together and he was in Heaven.

Spike's lips attacked the brunette's with increasing intensity. It had been way too long since they had done this. The need to be together, to reach that wonderful plateau of sexual bliss with the person they loved was too immediate for subtleties. 

The younger vampire reached for the hand cream and coated their cocks. He positioned their erections together and began moving creating a sweet friction that was driving both wild. They soon found the perfect rhythm while their gazes were locked on each other. It looked like they were making love with their eyes.

Years of separation made it difficult to withhold their climax for long. When he felt his balls tighten, Spike went in game face.

"Mine."

Ancient words so familiar yet so new, for this was Angel and not Angelus. 

"Yours."

The proper answer given to acknowledge a new claim on top of an old one.

Angel tilted his head to give better access. Spike sank his fangs and began sucking avidly. The bite and the connection with his Childe, pushed Angel over the edge. Feeling the trembling body underneath his and tasting the ecstasy in his sire's blood, Spike roared and let out his own release before collapsing on his lover's body.

Remembering the child that was growing inside Angel, Spike rolled over to his side. A dark head was soon on his muscular chest. He began running his fingers through his lover's hair.

"Spike"

"Yeah, Peaches."

"That was...incredible."

Spike laughed. "You should thank yourself and Dru."

Angel looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you a secret, pet, but if you tell anyone I swear I am so going to kick you arse. And now I even sound like one of the Scoobies." 

Angel chuckled at that. 

"I was a virgin when I was turned. You were my first. After you, I was faithful to Dru for a century. Not that she didn't have her flings. She tried them all, humans, demons and vampires. I never wanted to. She was my everything once you left. After she left me, I shagged Harmony. And please don't even remind how pathetic I was. I wasn't even looking for Harmony; she was just there. And now there is you again. So if I'm good in bed, it's your doing and Dru's."

"You're shitting me right?"

"Language luv. I think you've been hanging around me a little too much. And no, I am not shitting you. It's the truth. You should know that I love forever. Difficult to cheat on someone when you love them so much."

Angel looked at the blonde. He had so many emotions bottled up inside that he wasn't even sure where to start. He wanted to say so much. He wanted to thank Spike for his honesty, for his trust and for the gift he had given him. In the end he kissed those luscious lips and thanked him.

"You're welcome, pet." Spike was smirking. He could sense that the mood was changing. They had spent too much time crying and brooding. Shagging was always a great antidote for depression.

"So, was I really the first one?"

"Yep, you got to pop the cherry."

"Do you think, I can pop it again?"

"That's a horrible line, ducks. And you can do anything you want with my arse."

"Will you start using my name anytime soon?"

"I don't think so, just ask Slutty if I use hers."

The light conversation went on for a while until hormones and fatigue got the better of Angel. Spike covered his lover and fell asleep too.

* * *

**Facing Fear - Part 5**

A scream wakes me. I know it's still morning and neither of us has slept nearly enough. Angel is sitting in the middle of our bed, eyes wide in panic. He's panting and sweating. 

"Nightmares again, luv?"

The first time this happened I went to hug him and he nearly took my head off. So now I talk to him until my voice brings him back from the dark corners of his mind. When he doesn't answer me, I try again.

"Was it the same dream?"

He is really not listening to me. He reacts to the tone I use, not the words. I could recite the line up for the Manchester United and it would be the same bloody thing. 

"I'll get you some water, Angel."

"No, please, don't leave."

I guess he does listen. 

"Do you want to come near me?"

He may be answering but I don't want to die, so I'll keep it slow until he feels comfortable enough. It's been two long and sleepless weeks but things are getting better. I have notice that the recuperation time after each nightmare is getter shorter. So I am not too shocked when he moves next to me.

I prop up a few pillows and sit up. I adjust our bodies so that he is sitting between my legs, his back resting on my chest. I close my hands around his body, my chin resting on his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm no bloody psychologist but I think we really need to discuss what happened."

"There is nothing to say."

"I think you're wrong. I think you're lying to yourself and to me."

He doesn't answer me. I feel him drift far away from me and from this room. I know where he is because I replay that night in mind too thinking what I could have done differently, how could I have made them suffer more. 

Two weeks ago, Cordelia had one of her usual vision thanks to the fucking Powers. She got a frigging migraine as repayment for her services. We got another type of headache.

* * *

**Two weeks before**

"Okay, let's go."

"Where do you think you're going Angel? I told you, I'll take care of these vision until you're better."

"Spike, I'll be pregnant for nine months, or at least I think nine months. I can't just do nothing the entire time. Besides, there are plenty of working mothers."

"Pet, I hate to point this out to you, but you're not a mother and your job involves killing demons that want to dust you."

"Spike, I'm in my second month. I promise that when it gets dangerous I'll stop."

"I said no. I told you I would take care of the visions and I'll take care of you."

"Please, I need this."

I should know better than to let him come with us. But he is staring at me with those puppy dog eyes. I also know how much the violence helped me cope with the chip, so I give in.

"Fine, but let's make it quick I don't want to miss Saturday Night Live."

The three humans come with us. When we get to the address that Cordelia has seen in her vision, we find the door of the house wide open. It's a very normal suburban home. I cautiously try to enter first. When there is no barrier I'm afraid that we're too late. Then I hear noises.

I go in and motion the others to follow me. If I didn't have all these people in tow, I would just go in and kill anything and everything. I have never been too patient. But they are here and I play by their rules for Angel's sake.

I smell blood and I follow the odor. Angel is right behind me. I keep checking on him, making sure that he doesn't try to play hero. I know there is someone in what probably is the living room. It's dark, but enough light filters from outside. There are three half demons tied on floor in the middle of the room. 

They all rush to help them. Bloody hell, do they know anything about fighting? I keep checking around to find who did this and then the lights go on.

"You brought your little friends to play with us, vampire."

I don't know this man so I know he is not talking to me, but to Angel. I search for him with my peripheral vision. He is frozen on the floor, shaking. I check around and there are four of them: two humans and two demons. Bingo. I guess I'll get my revenge sooner than expected.

"Oh, I'm ready to play." I tell him.

I see Wes and Gunn move toward the two demons. They still think that demons are the start all, end all evil of this universe. I really don't care as long as these four are dead.

Cordelia is untying the demons. I motion for her to stay there with them. I don't need to go and rescue people throughout the house. She nods in understanding. I don't have to worry about Angel because he is retreated into his mind once again.

I move toward one of the man. The guy is huge, bigger than Angel is. Not that it makes a difference to me. I am the Big Bad, my chip is out and I swear this is a great way to get rid of some frustration.

The guy punches me. I swear the git expects me to just stand there. Maybe that's what Angel did. Boy is he wrong. I'm in game face in a split second. I backslap him hard enough that he is flying. God it's great to be back. Then I realize that Angel is still here, so I try to pretend that I am not having too much fun.

I'm on top of the fallen chap now. He sees my eyes and my fangs and he's fucking pissing himself. Yeah, I guess they have never seen a real vampire. I have no time to play because the others need help. So I take his head and I twist it mercilessly. One dead, three to go.

That's when I see that Gunn has taken down one of the demons and is helping Wes with the other. Well I guess only two are left. I turn around and I can't find the other human. I know the others are doing okay on their own so I go find him.

I attune my senses until I find the heartbeat I'm looking for. I can hear the increased tempo while he runs in fear. And it is fear because I can smell it. I find him trying to leave the house from the back door. Not fast enough.

"Leaving so soon. I thought you wanted to play with me."

I stalk toward him. His heartbeat speeds up even more. If I don't stop scaring him, he'll die from a heart attack. That would be too merciful for this piece of garbage. So I sit on the countertop staring at him. I don't know if he has any weapons and I don't want to have a close encounter with a tazer.

"So, what game should we play? Maybe we can play 'twenty questions'. You answer my questions and I promise not to make you suffer too much when I kill you. Or I can just torture you and go home and watch TV. So what do you say, pet?"

He puts his hand behind his back and I just know that he's trying to reach the doorknob. What he doesn't know is that I have been a predator for 130 years and I can sense what my victim is about to do. I am on top of him before he can even turn the knob. My fangs scratch his neck leaving a trickle of blood on their trail.

"Pet, you shouldn't even think about running. I'm no fledgling, I'll fucking break you kneecaps and every other bone in your body if you try that again."

I swear the motherfucker is crying, begging for his life. I don't remember this being so easy. Then again, he's the type of man that is strong when he has a big weapon in his hands and his pals to cover his back. God, he reminds me of that prick the slayer used to date, Captain Cardboard.

"So are you going to answer me?"

He nods. I really have no questions, I just want to see how much I can push him around. However, a few ideas spring to mind.

"Where's your fucking boss?"

"I...I don't know...he's working, I think..."

"Stop babbling, pet, it's really unbecoming. Next question, do you have a number to call him?"

Shit, I get the number quicker than I can say Satan. I look at the business card while I hold the guy by his neck. I see that that it belongs to that McDonald guy. There is private number written in. I'm satisfied and bored. I was never too good at all this psychological torture bullshit.

My fangs dig into his fat neck. I tear skin. I could make it painless, but I want the guy to suffer. I was thinking about a little in prompt play with knives, but I am in someone else's house after all, so I restrain myself.

I drink his blood and I'm lost in the sensation. This is the first human I drain since the Initiative. I feel the heartbeat slowing down, I taste the fear, and I sense the surprise.

When his heart stops, I drop him on the floor and return to the living room. The demons are taken care of. I tell Wes to grab the body bags we keep in the van while I go to Angel who is still sitting in the middle of the floor.

"Luv, look at me. Come on, it's okay. Just look at me."

I try the calm voice, but he doesn't answer me. I am too high from the fresh blood and I don't have the patience to play these games. I grab his face in my hands and kiss him violently. I cut my tongue in my own fang and let the blood droop in his mouth.

When he tastes my blood, he stares at me with wide eyes. He knows that I feed. He knows whose blood I drank. I smirk.

"I told you I'll take care of you. Now get up and go home. Gunn and I can take care of the bodies."

A chorus of protests assaults my ears. How in Satan's unholy name has he managed to accomplish anything when these three are always bitching and complaining?

"Fine. Let's take these bodies and go. I'm sure these people want to sleep."

We put the bags in the van and say goodbye to the half-demons. They are so glad for our help that they would give us their first born if we were inclined to take him. But we are not. 

"I'll drive Angel's car. Just follow me."

In the good old days, my sire would have killed me for such arrogance, but he is still too shocked. He sits in front with me. I motion for him to get closer and he does. Cor, I love American cars. I can drive with one hand and pet him with the other.

We get in front of the Wolfram & Hart building. I get the bodies from the van and damp them in the plaza. I return to the car parked across the street.

"Cordelia, hand me the cell phone."

I dial the number in the business card and a man answers on the second ring.

"I'm looking for Lindsey McDonald."

While he acknowledges that I have the right person, I look at Angel. He is staring at me. I know this is not easy for him. 

"I have a special delivery for you. If you come downstairs, you'll find your 'associates'. You should alert the morgue, though, because I don't think they'll be able to do it."

I hang up. The others want to leave, but I stay there. A man comes out surrounded by security guards. He looks into the body bags and I can see him pale even from the car.

I lit my cigarette and move toward the plaza. The wind makes my duster whirl around. The effect must be better than anything I could have planned. I stare into those cold and evil eyes. I guess mine are just as cold and evil, because I think he's shivering.

"Mr. McDonald, you're next."

I slip in game face. I want to make sure he knows what an evil vampire looks like. I throw my cigarette on the floor a few inches from him and stomp it with my boot still staring at him. He tries to talk to me, but I turn around and go to the car. I jump in and drive away. I swear I'll kill the boy, but before I want him to spend some time looking over his shoulder not knowing when I'll be there.

* * *

**Present Day**

The nightmares started that same day. He hasn't had a decent day of sleep since it happened. I usually stay up with him. I'm glad that I never slept as much as other vampires because I would really be in trouble now.

As I said I keep thinking how much more I could have made them suffer. But that was two weeks ago and they were alive. This is now and they are dead.

So now I have my sire and friend in my arms. He hasn't asked me about the killings and the blood. He avoids the subject anytime that I bring it up. I try every day hoping that today will be the day. So I start speaking.

"I won't go all grrr on you like Cordelia is fond of saying. You know that?"

"So why did you?"

"Luv, those men needed to die. Even the fucking powers knew that. They sent us there. What were we expected to do? Kill the demons and talk the humans to death. Evil is evil regardless of species, you should know that?"

"You didn't have to drink from him."

"I know pet, but it's been so long and he was going to die anyway. What difference does it make if I drank or not?"

"None, I guess, but..."

"But you still don't feel comfortable. What about the nightmares? Are they because I fed?"

For the first time since I arrived in LA, I'm afraid. I don't want to cause him pain. I swore to myself that I would help him in any manner possible. I don't want to hear that I am the cause of his suffering.

He doesn't answer for a long time. I know I am going to get hurt. But then he shakes his head.

"I keep dreaming that you weren't there and I froze. And I was at their mercy again..."

He's sobbing in my arms now, our bodies still touching and my mouth a few inches from his ear. 

"They'll never hurt you again, luv. They're dead, they won't come back for you. Even if they did, I would be here. Please let's try to get some sleep, okay? Angel, you haven't slept in weeks. You are going to drive yourself crazy if you don't."

He tenses immediately. I need to sleep, he needs to sleep and I can only think of one way to reach my goal. My hand moves slowly on his chest while I start nibbling on his neck.

He lies back against my body and starts breathing. I continue my ministration. My tongue traces his jugular until he pants. I play with his nipple for a while until I can feel the blood flooding to the right places.

My hand slips even slower and I begin fondling his balls. My mouth never stops teasing the delicate skin where his neck joins his wide shoulders.

"Please, Spike."

Those are the only words I need. I pull the foreskin as far as I can while my thumb draws circles in the already wet head. I hear him moan. I start pumping him changing the rhythm in response to little noises he makes.

When I feel his sac tighten, I slip into game face and sink my fangs on his neck. I draw blood from his body. I am careful not to take too much. I don't want to hurt him and the baby. But what I take is enough to send him over the edge. 

I go get a towel to clean him up, when I come back he's asleep. That's when it hits me. He is mine. I have complete control over him, mentally and physically. I, William the Bloody, have the ultimate power over Angelus, my sire. The power excites me, but it also scares me. With that power comes a responsibility to protect him against the world.

I am too tired to think about all the implications. I lie in bed next to him, pulling him back in my arms. He doesn't wake. I'll protect him because he is mine, but especially because I love him.

**Facing the Scooby Gang - Part 6**

**Spike's POV**

I am all packed and ready to go back to Sunnydale. The witches are finally tying the knot and they wanted us there. Angel refuses to go and Cordelia has decided to stay behind to keep him company. I really wish he would change his mind. I know I'll be worrying the entire time.

"Are you sure you want to stay here, luv?"

"Yes Spike, for the hundredth time, I don't want to go to Sunnydale."

"You know I really have to go. I can't miss the binding ceremony. Red would turn me into a frog and that's if I'm lucky. I would feel better if you came with me."

"I'll come for you if we go back to our bedroom."

"Please pet, don't even try dirty humor. It's so not you."

I get a smile out of him. It's so rare to see him smile. Even before the rape he was always serious, but now he's Mr. Stoic all the times.

"Well then, off I go. You'll call me if there is anything wrong. Cordelia, you know that if you let him go after any demons I'll rip you apart. You have a vision, you call me."

"Yes, Spike, I know, vision equal phone call. I think I can manage to remember that. Now go, I'll take care of him for you." 

The bint is impossible, she is stubborn, sassy, tactless. She is exactly like me and that's why I trust her. So I leave.

* * *

I knock on the door of the Summers' house. I was staying with Buffy and Dawn before going to LA so I know my stuff is still here. The slayer opens the door.

"Hello, pet, care to invite me in?"

"Spike, I never uninvited you. You don't need an invitation."

"I know luv, but it's still polite. Not that you would know anything about manners."

She punches me. I know she is kidding but God her punches hurts even when she is not using her full strength. 

"Slayer, you do that again and I'll have to kick you ass. You know I can now."

I grin. She grins back. We walk in and she is clearing the table. I see two plate so the little one must be around.

"Where's Dawn?"

"She went to a friend she'll be back in a while. We didn't think you would get here so soon. Come on sit down and let's talk. I miss you."

"I know luv, I miss you too. Kinda of used to you and the little one."

"So, where is Angel? How is he? How are you two doing? Are there any problems?"

"Stop slayer, you're starting to sound like Red. Breathing is still necessary for humans, you remember that from biology class, don't you?"

She hits me again. This time I react and we begin wrestling. When we start getting tired, we collapse on the couch. She is sitting next to me and I have one arm around her. If someone had told me that one day I would be the slayer's best friend, I would have killed him, really slowly and really painfully. But here we are sitting next to each other and friendship is what we have.

"Angel doesn't want to go out. I finally had managed to get him out of that damn hotel, but then that stupid vision and the nightmares. Now he doesn't go out again."

"Next time, you call me before something happens, not after. You know I'm good at killing things, the emotional crap I can't deal with."

"Would you kill humans, pet? Because that's what I did and I would do it again. The bastards were taunting him. I couldn't even think straight."

"I don't know Spike. If you had told me 5 years ago, I would have said that humans are to be saved. Now...it's not so black and white anymore. I don't honestly know. But I still want you to call me if you need back up."

"I will Buffy. I can't risk Angel getting hurt again. Besides this hormonal changes make him more unbearable that his usual brooding self. I can't seem to do anything right around him. He doesn't even want to have sex since those nightmares. Bloody hell, if I didn't love him so much I would stake him."

"First of all too much information, thank you very much. And secondly you dealt with crazy Dru for 100 years and can't deal with Angel for a few months."

We are both giggling. Comparing pregnant Angel to Dru is just funny. I wonder how he would like the comparison.

"Yeah, you're right. My Dark Princess was quiet a handful through the years. She was easier to deal with in a way. I could just give her someone to kill and she would be happy. It's not that simple with Angel. Maybe I should try that, what you think?"

Now she is laughing. Forget giggling, forget chuckling, she's laughing so hard that tears form in her eyes. I am getting curious. We never talked about her feelings for Angel, or at least we haven't recently. I wonder if she still feels anything.

"What Spike? Do I have spinach in my teeth? Why are you staring?"

"Do you still love him, pet?"

I don't have to say more. She knows. She sighs and looks at me.

"I will always love him, or at least I'll love the memories of my first love. I don't even think we know each other anymore. We definitely don't have the connection and friendship that you and I have. But he'll always be in my heart."

"I can live with that. As long as I have a bigger place in your heart."

We start teasing each other, punching and jabbing. Hey, the slayer and I have a very strange conception of teasing. I finally have her pinned down on the couch, when I hear Angel's voice.

"Don't let me interrupt you two."

We turned around and we grin.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He just left and I already miss him. I can't believe he'll be gone three days. He's been by my side for the past two months. I have never been without him for more than a few hours. The thought of our separation is making me panic.

I can't breathe. I open the button of my shirt. Cordelia looks at me strangely. That's when I remember that I don't need to breathe. I am sweating and that's something else I don't do. I can't believe my body is betraying me. He is just going to Sunnydale for three fucking days.

"Cordelia, I can't stay here. I need to go to Sunnydale."

She calmly pulls a suitcase from behind the reception desk and takes out her car keys.

"This is yours, mine is in the car. I think we are ready to go."

God she knows me so well.

We drive in silence. Cordelia makes the occasional joke or comment. I pretend to listen but my mind is fixed on Spike. I need to be with him.

When we arrive in Sunnydale we go directly to Buffy's house. When we drive up to Revello Dr., we see that Dawn is just getting out of a car and returning home. She lets us in. When we reach the living room, I see Spike on top of Buffy. His hips are grounding her pelvis. He wants to fuck her. I can't believe it. He left me few hours ago and he's ready to screw someone else.

"Don't let me interrupt you." I tell them. They both look at me and grin. I know what they were doing and they don't even care to hide it. No, they look happy about it, totally uninterested that I know about them.

That's when Dawn throws herself on top of Spike. She's kissing him and hugging him. He just looks at her and says hello.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

Dawn is on top of me before I have a chance to move, so now I'm sandwiched between the Summers women. Angel doesn't seem too thrilled about my current position.

I say hello to Nibblet and manage to get myself extricated from the two. I move toward Angel and try to touch him but he back away.

"We were only playing, pet. Nothing wrong with that. Let's go bring your things upstairs."

He doesn't seem convinced but follows me without arguing. When we get to my room, I sit in my chair and I let him look around.

"Tinted windows, wooden shutters, they sure treat you well."

"Angel, this was my house for three years. Of course, we took all precautions."

He sits on the bed and I join him. I can't stand seeing him so uncertain, but the fact that he is here gives me hope. I want to ask why he changed his mind but I don't want to pressure him unnecessarily. He'll tell me when he is ready. He always does.

"Spike, did you...you and Buffy..."

"Did we shag? Yes, pet, we did. I was lonely, she was lonely, and sometime we would just be less lonely together. We never thought of ourselves as a couple, more orgasm partners like Anya likes to say. She's my friend and I love her, but I'm in love with you."

I force him to look at me, willing him to see the truth in my eyes.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He keeps telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants me, but I don't believe him, I can't. I feel so dirty, so unworthy of his love.

"Just hold me, Spike."

He does and I finally feel safe again. I may not deserve his love, but I'll take anything I can. Right now the safe haven that his arms provide is the best I can hope for. I break down, the tension of the past few hours melts in his arms and I am sobbing again.

"It's okay, baby. I've got you now. I'll be alright, Angel."

Shit, I wish I could stop. All I seem to be doing is crying. He doesn't complain, he is patient, but I just know that I'll bore him and he'll leave me.

"I'm fine, thanks. I just...I couldn't stay without you in LA."

"I'm glad you came. I wouldn't have been the same without you."

"It didn't look like you were missing me when I came in."

"Sarcasm luv, you must be feeling better. Besides, we were just kidding around. Let's go down and you can properly say hello to your ex girlfriend."

He's smirking. He's teasing me. It feels nice to go back to our familiar ways, even if recently his humor always seems to include some new test. He keeps pushing me to face new things every day. I guess this is the next challenge.

He takes my hand and practically drags me downstairs. When we reach the living room, I see Xander and his wife, Anya with their little girl.

"Ocle Spike, ocle Spike back."

Spike moves toward her. He picks her up and throws her in the air, before holding her in his arms and kissing her head.

"Hello Jesse, uncle Spike missed you so much. Hello Anya, love the new hair color, much better than that red crap you had. Harris, I see your sense of fashion hasn't improved in my absence."

"Nice to see you too, Bleach Wonder. And you brought Deadboy with you. I'm thrilled."

I feel so out of place. It's obvious that Spike and Xander are kidding around. Their quips are so perfectly timed that they betray a familiarity that I have never had with the Scoobies.

"Don't listened to your dada, pet. Jesse, I want you to meet a very nice man. This is uncle Angel."

He brings the girl and hands her to me. I feel so awkward. I've never held one, killed a few as Angelus but I've never played with a toddler.

"Hi, Jesse, I'm Angel."

"Hi, ocle Angel, you nice. I like you, but like ocle Spike too."

"I like uncle Spike too, Jesse."

"Of course you do, everyone likes me."

"Conceited much, Fangboy?"

"Please Xan-pet, don't be jealous. You're still my nummy treat."

I'm truly confused now. The boy knows that Spike is chipless and doesn't mind, but hates my guts. They are calling each other pet names, including nummy treat. I almost puke at that. Is there a single person that doesn't care for Spike?

"Pet, I can see the heels turning in you brain, stop the brooding. Jesse, come with uncle Spike so we can play."

He takes her in his arms and sits on the armchair. I, being Mr. Independent these days, sit on the armrest, a whopping 10 inches from him. He puts one hand on my thigh instantly while he keeps playing with the girl. He knows that I crave the constant connection.

"You would have been a great dad, Spike."

"I'm hoping that I'll get the chance, luv."

I don't know what to say. We still haven't talked about the baby. I'm saved by the bell, literally. Giles, Willow and Tara arrive at that moment. Soon there is popcorn and chips, soda and beer, blood and JD. Dawn puts on a CD that sounds so much like something Spike would listen to and they are all in party mood.

Everyone is laughing and talking. Cordelia is catching up with old friends. Spike is the center of everyone's attention. It amazes me how he can answer each person with the outmost attention. 

"So when are coming back, Spike?"

The mood goes from jovial to tense with those simple words.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

When Anya asks the question, I feel him tense. Buffy promised me that they wouldn't tell the rest of the gang about the rape and the pregnancy. They only know that he was assaulted and his friends needed help while he was recuperating. So I guess her question is a reasonable one.

"Yeah Billy Idol, we kinda of miss you. Besides, Jess doesn't like any of the babysitters we hired."

"I'm not coming back, pet. Peaches needs my help in LA. You guys don't really need me. You're strong and very good at fighting evil."

A few years ago they would have thrown a party for my departure, now their emotions go from sad to upset. Xander is the first to speak up and he's none too happy.

"Why Spike? It's not like he helped you when you needed him. We did. Now he gets beaten up a little and you run to his side. Explain to me why you would be so stupid, because I don't think he deserves any second or third or forth chances."

I want to tell him about our child/sire bond, about my new claim on him, about decades of emptiness without him by my side, about my promise to protect him. I know they wouldn't understand. No matter how much they have seen and fought, they are still kids compared to us.

"Because I love him, pet."

"Yeah, well, what happens when he gets tired of you? He eventually will, just ask Buffy. What then? You'll come back. Spike, we are your friends, we care for you and you want to leave us for him?"

He is screaming at me. I know he never liked Angel. There's too much bad history between all of them. I don't think they could really get past his reincarnation as Angelus. But there is more. We have become a family and he feels that I'm betraying them.

Jesse is getting upset at our loud discussion and Willow takes her upstairs followed by a chorus of 'thanks'. She knows that what is to come will be even nastier and no child should be exposed to it.

Buffy tries to defend my decision but she doesn't get anywhere.

"Like you can be objective about your precious Angel? Please Buffy, we all know that you're not the most reliable person when it comes to him."

Even Giles seems to think that I have become a total poof who can't make a bloody decision.

"Well Buffy, I have to agree with Xander. While we were glad to provide assistance while Angel was hurt, he seems fine now. We live on an hellmouth. Spike's help is priceless. Besides, he is part of our family, now."

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Everyone is so against his moving to LA. They all think that I'm going to hurt him like I've done in the past. I'm still ashamed about all that I've done to him. Xander is right. I didn't even try to help him when he had to survive with the chip. It was my duty as his sire and my duty as a man to do it, but I didn't. But I can't survive without him.

"I can't fight. That's why he's helping me."

I hope this is enough. My admission that I'm totally dependent on him should suffice. Now I want to leave the room, but Spike's holding my wrist so tightly that he'll crush my bones if I try to leave.

"Nice try, Angel. Now maybe you want to tell us the truth."

"Please Xan, it's enough. Leave him alone. He's telling you the truth. He can't fight at the moment and I'll fight in his place. However, I'm hoping that he'll want me around even after he gets his strength back."

They just can't let it go. Several of them start speaking at once, but Giles is the most authoritative.

"He's a vampire. What kind of illness would prevent him from fighting for a limited time? I have never heard that a vampire can temporarily lose his strength."

Oh God, what do I tell them? I want to be swallowed into the ground; I want to disappear. How do I explain all that has happened? Spike is looking at me expectantly. He keeps telling me to open up, but they hate me for taking him away from them. They don't care about what I went through.

"Pet, you want me to tell them?"

A simple question but I panic again. I will my tears to stop. I won't let them see that I'm crying.

"I'm pregnant."

They all stare at me and room is engulfed in silence. I get up and stare outside, my back to them. I won't show the tears that are streaking my face. I feel Spike's arms around me pulling me close.

"It's alright Angel. They are not your enemy. They just want to understand why I am staying with you."

"I don't understand what the fuck is going on and they want to understand. That's a good one. Noone has bothered to explain it to me, so I don't see why I have to tell them anything."

"I know baby but the cards have been dealt and now we have to make them work for us."

Giles clears his throat and I know a new series of questions is coming up. It's like being the only contestant on game show and I get to answer all the questions. Before Rupert can ask anything, Xander starts his own third degree.

"So is Spike the father? Is that why you're leaving us? Angel, are you making all this up so you can convince him to help you?"

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I can't let them hurt him anymore. I want him to be able to talk about what happen but I won't allow them to deliberately inflict pain on him. I promised I would protect him, even against my new family if I have too.

"Xander, it's enough. Angel is not lying. He's pregnant, if you have any doubts you can ask Cordelia there or call Wesley. I'm sure he can give the exact translation of that damn scroll and tell you why he can become, and is pregnant. But I will not let you attack him this way."

"Two months with him and you're threatening me already. And here I thought we meant something to you. All the things we did for each other, the good times and the bad times we shared, they're nothing."

I wish I could tell him, make him see why I am walking on eggshells when dealing with Angel and this pregnancy, but it's not my secret to share. Instead, I make him look at me and I talk to him softly.

"Xan, listen to me. You all mean the world to me. I would give my life for you and I think I've proven that in the past three years. Each of you is special for a reason, but I have to do this."

"He's not the father."

I hear him whisper, not speaking to anyone in particular. I let go of Xander and turn to look at him.

"The prophecy, it seems it had to be a human. I haven't asked for the details and they really don't matter."

His tone is grave that everyone knows that there is more to this story. When it is not forthcoming, Giles returns his interest on Angel.

"Is the father involved?"

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Yeah, Lindsey involved. That would be a riot to see. Not that Spike will ever let him get close to me and the baby. He has made it clear that Lindsey will die soon, so his answer doesn't surprise me.

"The bastard doesn't know and he'll be dead before he has a chance to find out. I can promise you that, Rupert."

Everyone with the possible exception of Tara and Buffy seemed to be shocked that he would do such a thing.

"Now you're going to kill humans for him, Spike? Willow said that you promised you wouldn't."

"No Dawn, I told Red that I wouldn't feed or kill senselessly. He deserves to die."

When the attacks on my bad influence start again, it's Cordelia that speaks for us.

"The PTB sent me a vision where we had to kill humans to protect demons. So don't be so judgmental. Spike has his reasons."

Now Xander is accusing Cordelia of being brainwashed by my evil plans. They are screaming and pointing fingers, some are trying to placate the mood. Willow comes rushing from upstairs and gets upset to find all her friends fighting.

This was supposed to be their last night together before Tara and Willow's wedding and I ruined it. It's all my fault. I can't do anything right. I am causing so many problems for all of them. And I can't stop the tears any longer. I feel so weak, my knees don't hold me and I fall on the floor.

"Please, please stop. I can't take it anymore."

Spike kneels next to me and I know with him around I'll have the strength to face anything. I raise my head and stare at all of them.

"Do you want to know why Spike wants to kill a human? I'll tell you why. Lindsey decided to rape me after he and his 'associates' beat the shit out of me. As I result I'm pregnant, I can't fight or defend myself, and I'll have a permanent reminder of the night. So if you don't think that's reason enough maybe you are the soulless ones, not Spike."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

He told them. Okay, not exactly what I had pictured but he did have the courage to tell them. I'm so proud of him. I see their faces go blank until the words register. Once again Xander is the first to speak.

"Call us, we'll be happy to help any way we can."

"Thanks, mate. I'll let you know if we need help."

I'm pulling Angel up while we talk. I don't like to see him this way. He is a proud man and this is costing him more than he deserves to pay. I lead him to the couch and we sit so close that he's almost on top of me.

"Angel, I'm sorry. I acted like an idiot, but Spike means a lot to us. I didn't want to see him get hurt."

"I'm glad he means so much to you. You are all good friends."

Things go better from there. These kids are amazing. They have faced so much and they've learned to cope. Now they're trying to make Angel cope. They stay around and force him to party with us. The mood may not be as carefree as before, but we manage to have a pleasant night.

The next night there is the binding ceremony. Willow and Tara look radiant. I don't blame them, they have found true love. We leave the night after. We were in Sunnydale for 3 days but they were enough to let Angel know that he has friends here too. He doesn't have to face the world alone. 

**Facing Intimacy - Part 7**

**Spike's POV**

We are at the movies. It's my turn to pick so we're watching a violent movie with no real substance but lots of blood. Things are exploding on the screen and the surround sound system at the theater makes all the seats shake.

That's when I feel his hand open my jeans and reach for my cock. I was expecting it with a sense of dread. It's always like this, always the same. We watch a movie and in the middle of it he starts to give me a blowjob. Always the same, always horrible. As usual, he begins licking my still flaccid member until my body starts to respond.

He's good, I can't deny it. His tongue can do wonderful things to my body and I hate it. We haven't had sex since the nightmares started. He won't be intimate at home. I have jerked him off a few times, but he won't let me make love to him. I have never had the opportunity to discover his body anew, to lick and caress every inch of skin. No, he won't accept that from me.

He's kneeling between my leg and I see his head bobbing up and down. I want to stop him, but my body has a different opinion. My brain screams 'stop' but my erection says 'keep sucking'. In the end I don't say anything and he continues his ministrations.

I am so close, I know I am going to come soon, but I don't want to. I want to take him into my arms and kiss him. I want to suck the sensitive spot on his neck. I want to hold him. Instead, I spill my seed down his accepting throat and I want to throw up. He licks me clean and zips me up. Cor, I hate this.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He grabs me and pushes me out of the movie theater. He looks pissed and sad. I don't understand I thought he liked it when I sucked him off.

"In the car, now. We're going home."

I don't say a word. He's driving my car like usual. He drives for me, he fights for me, he plays psychologist for me, he kicks my ass when I need it, he does everything for me and I can't even give him a proper blow job.

We see the lights on in the hotel hall so we know our friends are there. They have become his friends too. Spike has a way of getting into everyone's good graces. Even Cordelia likes him and that is the best vote of confidence I can think of.

"I want to talk to you and there is no way out of it. If you don't want to have this discussion in front of them I suggest that when we get in, you say goodnight and march upstairs. If you don't, I'll start talking right then and there in front of them all."

What now? I know his upset but I can't figure out why. So I decide to follow his advice. Wes, however, seems to have other plans. He's telling me about a new book he's found about male pregnancies. He's full of idea about researching the subject further. I see Spike getting impatient and I know that he won't keep his mouth close for long.

"I have to go Wes. We'll talk later, please."

So we're off to our bedroom. This is becoming my sanctuary. I know no one will come here except me and Spike. I have a feeling that my peace is going to be shattered tonight.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I got him where I wanted him but now I don't know what to say. I don't wish to upset him any further, but I can't pretend that everything is fine.

"Baby, come here. I really want to talk to you."

We are so close that I can smell his unique scent. My hands are grazing his cheeks. He looks so beautiful and so vulnerable at the moment.

"I want to make love to you, Angel. I'd like to show you how much I want you. I don't want your mouth in a dark theater. I have had meaningless sex, just ask Harmony. But I didn't care about her. I didn't love her. But I love you. And I won't threat you like a whore."

He tries to stop me, but I shush him.

"I want you and I'll wait for you. Doesn't matter how long it'll take you to feel comfortable with another man again, I'll wait, but whatever you think you're doing has to stop. It's not fair to either of us."

He's not crying and that's a real improvement. In the beginning, every discussion would result in sobs. Every step toward getting back to normal is a success and not crying is a huge step. I feel like suggesting champagne but then I remember that he shouldn't drink.

"I went without having sex for a century. Are you willing to wait so long?"

I didn't think of that but I know that I would wait even longer for him.

"Peaches, you were alone then, now you have a sexy vampire in your bed every night. I don't think you can resist me so long." I joke. "But I'll wait for you regardless of how long it takes."

"What if I never..."

I have to laugh at that. I can see how much he is changed in the past three months, I know it's just a matter of time before he goes back to being Mr. Dark Avenger.

"Pet, never for us is a very long time. Do you truly think that you can go so long without sex? There is something else, isn't it? Bloody hell, Angel, just tell me. I can help you but I can't read your mind. We have to call Dru for that."

He won't look at me. Did I do something wrong? Is he afraid of me? But that wouldn't explain why he's willing to go down on me.

"What is it Angel? Did I do something to make you feel this way?"

"Yes...no...you have been so nice, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. How could you want me? I am a disgrace as a vampire and as a man. I betrayed you as your sire. I never cared about what happened to you. You would think that with my soul I would be more attentive. And then...then this. I wasn't strong enough to defend myself. You have so many reasons to despise me. But I also wanted to do something for you."

He tries to get up and move away from me. I pull him by his arm and he falls on top of me. We are eye to eye and I see all the hurt in his chocolate orbs. I flip us over and I'm straddling his hips.

"You have to believe that I love you. I don't despise you, I don't hate you, I don't think you're weak. I.Love.You." 

I move down so our faces are close together and I let my mouth prove it. I kiss him oh so very gently and I wait. When he doesn't say anything I kiss him again, longer and deeper.

"You're beautiful. I don't want anyone but you."

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I want to believe him. I want to get lost in his cool embrace. He is professing his love for me and the more he talks the worst I feel. He shouldn't settle for me. He can charm anyone he meets. He could have anyone. 

"You're beautiful. I don't want anyone but you."

"Maybe you should. I'm pregnant with someone else's child. I didn't want it, I didn't ask for it but I am."

He is staring at me as if carefully choosing his words. He probably doesn't know how to tell me that I'm right. 

"Peaches, I would love to raise a child with you if you decide to keep it. I don't care who the father is. I could never have my own child, you would be giving me the greatest gift"

"And if I don't keep it?"

"I would want you anyway. You have to get through your thick skull that I fell for you more than 100 years ago and I love this souled version even more. So you can't get rid of me."

He kisses me again. I feel butterflies in my stomach. Could it be true? I've spent a century looking for acceptance, for redemption and for love. I looked for them in the human world, in the friendship of group of teenagers, and in the love of a young slayer. I never realized that I didn't have to look for anything since I already had them in my childe.

As he continues his gentle probing of my mouth, I know that I can't ruin his life once again. He would be forced to stay with me, to take care of a child that is not his. No matter what he says he'll wake up one night and he'll loathe me. I wouldn't be able to live with his hatred.

I can't stay here. I can't face him. I have to leave. Go somewhere, anywhere. I push him off and run away.

* * *

**Cordelia's POV**

Last night, we saw Angel run out of the hotel. He didn't say anything, he didn't answer us, he just took the keys of his car and left. Wes, Gunn and I stayed here all day to keep Spike's company. The guys decided to drive around and see if they could find him. It's almost midnight now and we still have no news.

"You should have gone after him. We don't even know where he is. He could have killed himself."

"Cordelia, stop it, luv. I have tried to baby-sit him, but he's an adult. It was a matter of time before he would react."

How can he be so calm? He pledges his love, he tells us how Angel is his unlife, but here he is sitting drinking blood and doing crosswords puzzles as if nothing has happened.

"You never cared for him. It was a show to get that chip out."

"You can't believe that, Princess. You have seen what I've done for him. But I can't lock him up in his room. He's not three year old."

I know he's right but I can't help shedding a few tears. Spike's hand covers mine and he gives me this sad look. His eyes tell me how much he is suffering too. That's when Angel arrives.

"See, I told you that you could find someone better."

"Oh God, Angel, you have blood on you. Are you alright?" 

I move toward him, but Spike stays in his chair.

"I hit something with my car, but I'm fine. Car not doing so well though, the pole is in even worse shape. Hey Spike, not even an hello."

"You're fucking drunk, Angel."

I can see the blonde vampire gritting his teeth. He must want to beat the crap out of Angel and for once, I agree. He's showing a patience that I didn't know he possessed.

"Come on Spike, I just drank a little. I'm still fine, nothing happened."

He sounds happy; he must have spent the past 24 hours drinking to still be affected. After all, vampires usually don't get drunk. I can also hear desperation beneath this alcohol induced joy.

"Is the baby alright too, pet? Or that doesn't concern you?"

Angel is moving toward the blonde now. I step away. I can sense a fight coming and I don't want to be in the path of two vampires. Angel is now so close that Spike must raise his head to look at him. He starts talking while pouting.

"The baby this, the baby that. Don't you care about me? I thought I was your baby."

He kisses Spike in the mouth and all hell breaks lose. The blonde backhands him so hard that Angel is face down on the floor. Spike is on top of him stilling him with a hand on his neck. He's in game face and his fangs penetrate the skin near his hand. When he raises his head, I can see the blood in his mouth.

"Upstairs, now."

He's not yelling or threatening, but his words send chills down my spine. I wouldn't want to be in Angel's shoes right now.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I sober up the moment he drinks from me. The memories of the past day come rushing in. I know he saw them too, when he took my blood. If he didn't hate me before, he sure does now. I was so afraid that one day he would leave me that I forced him to leave me now.

I go upstairs as he told me. I don't think I have either the strength or the coordination to fight him, so I obey. We get to our room, but he is not looking at me. 

"Strip."

And I do, no questions asked. I should be more afraid, but I'm not. Nothing he can do to me can be worse than what I have done to myself. I have destroyed any chance of happiness I might have had.

"Your clothes smell of him."

He picks them up and he puts them in the fireplace. After pouring enough lighting liquid to ignite a bonfire, he throws a match and watches them burn. He still won't look at me.

"Shower now."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

He thinks I am not looking, but I am. I want to see his reaction to what I do and the few words I say. He played the bad boy so I would leave. He underestimated me once again. He doesn't understand that I am a lot stronger that I look and I'm definitely a lot stronger than he ever was.

He wants me to react. He wants me to punish him and leave, but it's not going to go the way he thinks.

He gets in the tub and closes the curtains. I open it again.

"Leave it open and start scrubbing."

I lean on the door and watch him. He's too ashamed to look at me now. I don't know if he is ashamed of what he did or that I am watching him, and I don't care. He pushed me enough and that will stop before he destroys us and his baby.

When I am satisfied that he has scrubbed every inch of his pale skin, I hand him his toothbrush.

"I don't want to taste anyone else when I kiss you."

"I'm sorry..."

"Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it. Finish and go wait in the bedroom."

He lowers his eyes and does as he is told. Maybe this is all my fault. I tried playing mommy but I was wrong. With Dru, I was able to mix the caring with the authority that comes with being a master vampire. I haven't done that with him for many reasons. He is my sire, he has a soul, and he thinks he is more a human than a vampire. I was wrong but it's not too late to fix things.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I am sitting in here while I hear him move around the bathroom. The water is running in the tub and the sink. He must be cleaning everything I touched. When the water stops, I tense. 

I am not looking at him but I can feel his gaze on me. He puts some music on and walks toward me. I don't recognize the band but from their accent I know they are Irish.

"Take this."

He hands me a stake. I stare at it and then at him. It's the first time that we look, really look at each other. I die inside. I can see his anger, his hurt and his disappointment.

"Listen well, Angel. You may think that you're not a vampire but you are and as such you're bound by certain rules. You accepted my claim on you. It may seem like ages but it was only six weeks ago that you chose to give yourself to me."

 

_You say one love, one life, when it's one need in the night._  
One love, we get to share it  
Leaves you baby if you don't care for it.

 

"I don't know why you can't believe that I love you. I can't understand why you don't want to be with me anymore. I only know that you're mine and I won't let go. I should have fought harder a century ago and I didn't. I won't do it again."

I don't understand what he wants me to say or do. He just sounds so tired and resigned.

__  
Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?  
You act like you never had love and you want me to go without.  
Well, it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light.  
We're one, but we're not the same.  
We get to carry each other, carry each other... one

 

"If you want to release the claim, you know how it works. I either give up the claim, which I already told you I won't do, or you have to kill me. I am giving you one free shot. You got the stake, I am here and won't stop you. Think about it because this is the only chance I'll give you."

I'm crying again. How can he think that I would ever kill him? He means more to me that anything else in my existence. I didn't mean to run out on him. I didn't mean to get drunk. I didn't want to risk the baby's life. I didn't mean to kiss that stranger in the bar.

__  
Have you come here for forgiveness,  
Have you come to raise the dead  
Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head  
Did I ask too much, more than a lot  
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.  
We're one, but we're not the same.  
Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again.

 

"I'm not looking for your tears. I want to know what you want. Do you want us? Do you want to give us a chance? If not, I'll rather be dead. I have given up my life in Sunnydale, my life with friends because I want to be with you, to help you, but nothing I do seems to be enough for you."

There is nothing I can say. He did give up a good life and I betrayed him. He knows everything I did. He knows that I was so drunk that I can't even remember the man's name. He is aware of how I degraded myself and his love by sucking dick in a dark alley. 

__  
You say love is a temple, love a higher law  
Love is a temple, love the higher law.  
You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl  
And I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you got is hurt. 

 

"However, if you decide to let me live, then you should know that I won't allow you to whore yourself to mortal men. I won't accept the smell of others on your body and your mouth. You do it ever again and I will remind you what it means to cross a master vampire, your master."

I never counted on him to give me a choice. I thought he would reject me the moment he tasted the other man in my mouth. Not that it's a real choice. I could never stake him, I'll rather stake myself. 

I drop the stake and tilt my head. The meaning is clear but he doesn't bite me, he just stares.

"Yours."

"Mine."

That's when I feel his fangs in me. He doesn't take much, this isn't about lust, this is about dominance and love. 

__  
One love, one blood, one life,  
We get to carry each other, carry each other.

 

He takes my hand and leads me to the bed. He sits down and I kneel in front of him.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

He's kneeling naked at my feet. The sight sends waves of pleasure straight to my groin. I love him and I would never hurt him, but his submission awakes all my demonic senses. He's mine.

He asks me to stand up and I do as he asks. He starts undressing me slowly. I reach for his sac and start fondling and soon he is hard for me. But he doesn't say anything, he continues to take my clothes off. He's so gentle and attentive, his eyes lowered the entire time. God he's going to make me cum just by acting so submissively. He drops on his knees again and takes my aching cock in his hand.

"Would this please you?"

"No."

He raises his head in surprise. I motion for him to lie in the bed. My lips touch his for an instant before moving on to other parts of his face. I kiss and lick his body slowly. Soap and water may have removed the smell of that man from him, but it's not enough. Every part of his statuesque body belongs to me and after tonight he'll carry my scent on him.

"Don't move." I order him.

When I come back he is still lying in the same position. I sit on him straddling his hips and show him the leather handcuffs. He flinches slightly.

"Do you trust me?"

I know how important my trust in him was a century ago and how I lost it when he came back as Angelus. He needs to feel safe with me. I ask him again.

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

"Good, because I'll never hurt you."

I handcuff him to the bed. He tests the cuffs and knows that he can break them if he really wants to. I don't restrain his legs. That would be too much for him to take.

"If you need to stop, just let me know."

"What? No safe word?"

I love the smirk in his face. It makes him look adorable, like a big teddy bear.

"I think you are verbal enough to tell me without a safe work."

I still remember all the inventive curses in Gallic that he used to spout at me.

I move down on his body. I lick the underside of his cock to reawaken his interest, nibbling the length of his hardening member. I deepthroat him and I am glad I have decades of experience. I keep sucking until his words turn into incoherent mumblings. Then I move away.

"Spiiiiike."

"You didn't think it was going to be so easy, did you?"

I fasten a matching leather cock restrain making sure I tie the leather around his balls tight enough. The sight of the leather on his beautiful body stirs my own desire. I press my hips against his and begin rocking, grounding my hips a little more with each trust. 

I know the friction must drive him insane, but I don't stop. He's going to beg me to make him cum before I'm finished. I don't last long and soon my semen covers his taut abs.

I lick him off slowly, making sure to press my teeth on the firm skin. His moans and whimpers are the only sounds in the room and I love it. 

I start my assault anew. I lick his calf and the back of his knees. I bite the inside of his thighs. I fondle his balls. I pinch his nipples so hard until he is screaming in pain and pleasure. 

Each action elicits a different reaction. I love to see how the scratches on his side almost make him giggle, almost, but he's too excited at the moment. I enjoy the little cries he makes when my thumbs rub his oversensitive nipples. My dick is already at attention slapping my stomach with each new response. I have done this to him. He is mine.

I take pity on him. His cock is purple from the blood restriction and all the teasing. Time to make him fly.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

His mouth and his hands are everywhere. He is covering every part of my body. I have never felt so owned and loved. Every touch evokes a new sensation. The way he laves my hardened nipples. The way his strong hands stroke my erection. The way his tongue rims my rosette. Salty drops begin to cover my face.

"Angel, are you okay? I don't have to..."

He's back at my side caressing me face and brushing my hair. His concern chokes me even more, but I fight my emotions.

"No, I want you, I need you inside me. You make me feel so special."

"I'm glad, because you are special, you're mine."

"Please, master, take me."

I say half jokingly. He must see the glimmer in my eyes because he is smiling at me. 

"Anything my pet wants."

He kisses his fingers and puts them on my lips. I catch them with my tongue and start licking them before sucking each one of them. As soon as I release them, they are pressed at my hole. He presses three fingers in, stretching and preparing me. I think my cock and balls are going to fall off if he doesn't get to it. When I feel the emptiness, I growl and open my eyes and he is smiling at me.

"I thought this was about my pleasure not yours."

His sarcastic tone is back. God, it is amazing how he always knows how to act to make me feel better. However, right now I don't need words, I need him.

"Please Spike, please I need you, I need you to take me, please, now."

I have been begging mercilessly for what seems hours and I don't care. All the lack of intimacy that I forced upon us for 6 weeks created a void in me and I need to fill it. That's when he grabs my legs and puts them on his shoulder. I feel his cock pressed against my hole.

"Ready, Angel?"

"For you always."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I enter him in one quick thrust. My eyes are always on his face. He needs to want this, he needs to enjoy this. When I feel his body relax, I begin moving again. I pull out almost completely before penetrating him again. I make sure to hit his internal nub with each trust. 

The look of pure ecstasy in his face makes me even harder. I speed up my tempo. My cock is sliding in and out stretching him with each new push. His eyes roll back and his hands are clinging the sheets.

"Yes baby, soon you'll scream for me."

I feel the need to talk to him. I need every connection that I can have. I want him to remember today forever. He needs to remember that he's mine completely.

My balls tighten. I am so close. I reach between us and unfasten the cock restrain.

"Cum for me, NOW."

The sudden release is more than he can bear. 

"SPIKE, love you."

And he screams my name. His muscles spasm around my cock and I give into my own release. This is as close to heaven as I'll ever get. I have him, my sire, I have his body and his soul.

"Mine" I tell him while I kiss his forehead.

"Yours." His reply is muffled by his fatigue from the powerful orgasm.

I get off him and open his cuffs. I lay on his side and pull him close to me.

"Are you okay, Angel?"

"Yeah, I am, I really am."

"You sound surprised. Did you think I would hurt you?"

"No, maybe. It wasn't the sex. I thought you would leave me like I usually do with the people I care about. But I didn't want you to hate me for forcing you to stay. I figured I was giving you a way to get out of this. I'm really sorry. I'll never betray you again."

"You'll better not because I'll have to spank you." 

He bursts into laughter when I say that.

"If that's all you can manage, you're really a lousy master vampire."

"Unlike someone we know, I don't get my kicks out of whips and chains. Even though they can be fun too, between consenting vampires."

Maybe I shouldn't remind him of what a bastard he used to be, but I want him to know the difference between me and Angelus. I seduce people, I don't force them in my bed.

"Pet, have you fed at all since you left?"

He shakes his head. There is one more thing to do to close the circle. I cut my wrist and push it to his mouth.

"I'm yours too, my Angel."

* * *

**Facing The Past - Part 8**

**Cordelia's POV**

"Spike answer the phone, come on."

I am stuck in the dark basement of the hotel. As soon as Angel sensed vampires around the hotel, he threw me in here with the walkie-talkie we use and my cell phone. He said that it's far enough that they won't hear my heartbeat. I can hear what's going on upstairs through the walkie-talkie but I am powerless to help him. Spike finally picks up his cell.

"Thank God I got you. Darla and Dru are here with I don't know how many other vampires. Angel needs your help like yesterday."

"On my way Princess."

He hangs up and I sit quietly listening to what's going on upstairs.

"Angelus, my boy, you should know matter than to upset my friends. Lindsey tells me you threatened to kill him."

"I never did such a thing. I think last time we met he wanted to kill me."

"Yes, that's right. You wouldn't hurt him, no, you sent someone. Who might that be?"

"Daddy has been playing with my Spikey. Haven't you, Daddy?"

Damn that loony vampire. She is more dangerous that the blonde with her visions. I wish the PTB would give me visions to save our asses instead of rescuing other people.

"So you sent our dear William. How is the boy?"

"I didn't send Spike. And he is none of your concern."

"It's Spike now, is it? I thought he was Will for you. So you are using him to do your bidding."

"Spike, Will, the boy never did listen to me. He's not about to start now."

I hear them speak so politely and now Angel sounds remarkably like Angelus, his accent is back. I guess his past is catching up with him once again. 

"What are we going to do with Daddy?"

"Lindsey wants to see him, so he'll be our guest for now. Boys get him. I want to leave before his pets get here."

I can hear fighting. I recognize the dusting sound that vampires make when they go 'poof'. I know it's not Angel because I hear him cry in pain. After a few minutes, there is complete silence. I wait patiently until I hear Spike yelling upstairs. I phone him to let him know where I am so he can let me out.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I'm in a richly furnished living room. They have my arms bound above me in chains securely attached to the ceiling. Dru is talking nonsense but I know that her visions have told her about the baby. Darla isn't really paying attention to what my childe is telling her. Good thing, because I don't know what Darla would do if she even suspected.

They had their fun for a while. Darla has always been very talented with a whip. Knives are Dru's specialty. The kicks and punches are numbing after a while. I should be afraid but I'm not. I can deal with this, this is familiar. Not pleasant, but familiar.

I was afraid only when I got kicked in my stomach, but the pain stopped fairly quickly so I think the baby is fine. I don't know when I started to care. I guess when I thought that he could die something clicked inside me. I am expecting a child. 

They stopped their little games pretty soon because I am not healing as fast as I should and they don't want me dead. Darla thinks that it's all the pig's blood I drink and she's right. But the baby takes much of my strength too.

I can feel the sun approaching. Soon they'll be asleep and I will be left alone. Now I just have to manage to stay alive until Spike comes to rescue me.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

The bint of a grand-sire is back and she got Dru in the middle. This time, I'll be the one to run that stake through her even though I am making sure that we have help.

"Slayer, remember about possible back up. I need it now. Darla's got Angel."

I don't have to say more. She is on her way with the rest of the Scoobies. In the meantime, I get Cordelia to do some research to find out where they are staying and get in touch with Wes and Gunn.

"Angelus and his sire liked to stay in style, I am certain that she hasn't changed." I tell Cordelia hoping to help her in her search.

"What the big emergency this time?"

Gunn arrives with his usual 'I'm ready for anything' attitude but that doesn't last long when I tell him about Darla. I don't even have to finish talking before he's opened our chest of weapons. More than a chest it's a fucking walk-in closet. I made a few additions of my own. Angel still favors the axe and ancient weapons. Bloody machine guns are just as effective against some demons I say.

We are still narrowing down the places where they can be hiding when the Sunnydale gang arrives.

"Hi Spike. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Buffy. I just need to kick some arse. Xan, Red, Tara, thanks for coming. What is your wife doing here? You didn't bring Jesse, did you?"

"Spike relax. Jesse is home with Dawn. Anya wanted to help too."

"Hi guys, we still haven't found where they might be so sit down and relax."

Cordelia is still working at that damn computer. I just want to go out and do something. I know that they could be anywhere but I am restless. She is searching hotels and warehouses. It's a slow process because she has to hack into different systems.

I can feel dawn approaching. Darla timed it perfectly. Soon I won't be able to go out and we still have no information.

"Wolfram and Hart. If they are working for Lindsey, maybe the firm rented the place for them. Willow, can you help me get into their computer database?"

They work for a while tapping their fingers and typing who knows what. 

"Got a list. Okay, we have an address from a month ago."

"Can't be Red. They wouldn't have waited so long. Anything else."

"Two new properties in Beverly Hills from a week ago. All the others are more than a month old. I'll print the addresses and we can go check them out."

"Spike the sun is out, you should get some sleep. We can do some recognizance and start planning."

I know Xander is right, but I don't think I can sleep knowing that they have Angel. At least most of the vampires are going to need sleep too, so they may leave him alone for a while. Everyone offers to go but in the end Anya comes up with the solution.

"Tara and I will go. Darla knows all of you and we can't risk her seeing you. I'll drive around and maybe Tara can do a location spell to find out in which house Angel is."

"Spike, we need something that belongs to Angel to do the spell."

I am glad I can do something, anything at this point. I come back and hand to the blonde witch a pendant.

"It's beautiful. It must be really old."

"I got that angel for him in 1885 when we were in Florence."

"You never cease to surprise me Spike. You bought him jewelry?"

"Never said I paid for it, Harris." I flash him a smile.

"So did not need to hear that."

"Hey, not my fault that the guy was superstitious and decided to give me anything I wanted when he saw my fangs. I let him live." I say mustering as much indignation as I could under the present circumstances.

"Enough chit chat, Tara and I are going. You all get some sleep until we come back."

I know she is right. None of us slept this past night and we need to rest if we want to function tonight. I sigh knowing that slumber is the furthest thing on anyone's mind.

"She's right everyone find a room and go to sleep. We can start planning when we know more."

I go to my room but I keep tossing and turning until I hear a knock.

"Come in slayer, I know it's you."

She lies next to me and rests her head on my shoulder.

"We'll get him, won't we?"

"Yes luv, he's going to be back here in no time."

"I'm sorry, you know, for both of you."

"Thanks Buffy."

That's when we hear a new knock and Cordelia's head pops in.

"Yeah Princess?"

"Couldn't sleep. I thought maybe you wanted company, but I see you have it already."

"Come here, luv. There is always room for you."

So here we are in my bed, the three people that care most about Angel. We are trying to reassure each other and ourselves. We talk for a while until the fatigue overcomes us and we fall asleep. 

Wes wakes us up. I still have one woman on each side curled up on top of me. I never felt so warm. Then the memories hit me and I remember why they are here. We need to get Angel.

"Buffy, Cordy, get up. Wes what time is it?"

"It's 3pm. We all slept most of the day but I think it's time to get ready."

Soon we are back in the hall. Anya is giving us all the information they have gathered. Years of patrolling have transformed each of them into a soldier so her precision doesn't surprise me.

"The two houses have different addresses but they are back to back. They have made it into one huge property. The perimeter is being patrolled by humans and demons. I guess the vampires come in at night. We could se one every 3 meters. We found the house where Angel is. I guess that's where we should start. Tara found a magical barrier and there is a regular alarm. We need to deactivate both at the same time if we don't want to alert them."

I am worried. I know that Darla always liked to be protected but this seems a bit too much, even for her. That lawyer must have set it up, but I can't understand why Angel is so important to him unless they have figured out the prophecy.

"Well then, Red and Tara can work on spells for the alarm and for killing a few of those demons. Gunn can you take care of the regular alarm?"

"No problem, bro."

"Good. Now, I am going to kill everyone in there. Anyone has a problem with it, they can stay here. I like to keep as many humans alive as I can so Angel can feed, but not if it poses a risk."

"Spike, Angel doesn't feed on humans."

"He will, Buffy. He'll do what I say. Whatever they have done to him can't be pleasant, he'll be weak and he'll need blood not that pig's crap from a bag. Now let get weapons."

I pull out all the stakes we have, a few crossbows and Angel's double edge axe before returning to the closet.

"What's your pleasure tonight, Charles?"

"2 9mm for me. I like the way they handle."

"Wes, usual?"

"Yes please."

I hand his machine gun and a semi automatic.

"That's a big one."

"Yes Red, the watcher likes them big."

I stare at Wes who doesn't even blush at my innuendos anymore, but is ready to fight fire with fire. I guess I am a bad influence.

"Not as big as you do from what Angel tells us."

A chorus of EWWWWW can be heard until Cordelia starts screaming.

"Stop it, just stop it. God knows in what condition Angel is and you're joking."

I have her in my arms and she is sobbing. I know how much she cares for him. They have the same close friendship that Buffy and I have so I understand how she must feel. But I can't let her upset everyone.

"Calm down, Cordelia. I can't have anybody tense up when we go in there. Listen to me pet, maybe you should stay here."

"No. I'm fine, really, I just couldn't take the jokes. Sorry."

"It's okay pet. As long as you're sure about coming. Now anyone else would like a gun. Really helpful with demons and humans. Buffy?"

"Nah, I would probably kill all of you with my aim. I can break necks with my bare hands though."

She is chipper Buffy but I know it's a faade to cope with her own fear.

"That's my slayer. Anyone else?"

To my surprise, Xander is the one that inspects and chooses two pieces for himself. I guess any qualms about killing humans just went out the window.

"You don't have to do that, Xan. I can take care of the humans."

He gives me a sad smile. His maturity oozes out from his expression. 

"No, Spike. If they have him so well guarded there must be a reason. I don't see Wolfram & Hart having all of this manpower just to protect one lawyer. They could have killed him here if that's what they wanted. We have to get him out at all costs."

* * *

**Wesley's POV**

We have discussed the subject before waking Spike up. I am pretty sure that the bloody lawyers have an accurate translation of the prophecy. They probably know more than we do. I feel so embarrassed that I made such a costly mistake in my work. 

It's not that I don't trust Spike, or Buffy and Cordelia for that matter, but the three of them love him too much to make rational decision. So I took upon myself to discuss the matter with the Scoobies. To my surprise, they were pretty much aware of everything.

I did point out that at this point Wolfram & Hart probably knew not only of the curse but the possible destiny of this child. I don't know for sure but if the scroll was kept so safely and secretly, I must assume that the child has a big impact in the war of good versus evil.

This makes me conclude that they'll try to keep Angel alive so they can get the baby. However, I don't think that they would have shared the knowledge with his sire and childe. So he may still be in danger.

I know that everyone understands the mission now. It's not only Angel, we have to save the child too. 

Spike is staring at me with a raised eyebrow. He must suspect that I talked to them from the comment Xander made, but he is not pushing the issue. As long as we go and kill everyone he is happy. Another hour and the sun goes down. We are all ready to go.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Darla rose early to play with me. I have so many cuts that I'll be dust if I don't feed soon, not that Darla seems to understand the extent of my injury. After all she thinks that I am a master vampire who should be healed by now.

Lindsey just arrived. Now I am worried. I can take whatever Darla or Dru throw at me, but I don't think my psyche can take another encounter with the bastard.

"What the hell did you do to him? Didn't I tell you we wanted him in one piece?"

"Lindsey, darling, Angel is fine. We can't really hurt him short of staking him."

"What about the baby? Is the baby all right? Darla, you really shouldn't do stupid things when dealing with the firm."

Shit, he knows about the baby. I shouldn't be surprised. That scroll has been in their possession for God knows how long. They had the time and resources to translate it properly. They must know a lot more that I can hope to find out at this point.

"Get him down."

The minions just stand waiting for Darla's permission, and when she nods, they open my shackles and I fall unceremoniously on the ground. They lay me on the couch and I would be glad for Lindsey's help if I didn't want to kill him.

"Hello Angel. You know it wasn't nice to send your boyfriend out to harass me. So where is daddy when you need him? He knocked you up and left you to deal with us."

At first I don't know what he is talking about, then a fog lifts and I realized that Wolfram & Hart isn't telling who the father is. He thinks Spike is the father. I am tempted to tell him, but since I don't know when I'll get rescued I keep my mouth shut. 

There is a commotion outside. I can feel Spike close by. I feel another presence very familiar and I know that Buffy is here too. I laugh but my broken ribs cause me to chock and spit more blood.

"What are you laughing at?"

Dru is dancing and spinning around. Her old fashioned dress swirls with her.

"My Spikey is here. He's come for Daddy."

"Lindsey, Lindsey, I think you are about to find out what Spike really wants to do to you."

* * *

**Xander's POV**

There are only vampires guarding the outside perimeter, which is very good for us since we all know how to deal with them. Soon Tara and Willow have taken down the magic barrier while Gunn has disabled the alarm.

Tara and Willow are chanting spells that make the vampires go up in smoke. Buffy is working her special type of magic. She seems even more powerful than usual. I guess motivation is a great factor. Spike is in game face and destroying as many minions as he can see.

The ones without superpowers, meaning me, Anya, Wes and Gunn, move toward the house. We had discussed it with Wes that our first priority would be to get to Angel. Wes was hoping to get him out without too many human casualties. He doesn't know Spike. 

We are able to get into the house but get stopped pretty soon by a really ugly and big demon. Now I know why Spike likes those machine guns. I do not want to get close to that thing. Wes empties a whole round but it doesn't seem to affect the demon too much. However, we have just introduced ourselves to all present.

Spike is in the hall the moment that the last bullet is shot. He looks pissed.

"I told you not to do anything without my order. What the fuck are you trying to do? Get yourself killed or maybe you just want to get Angel staked for no reason? Everyone does what I say or you'll pay the consequences, understood?"

He may be asking a question but I know I don't have to think about the answer. I have seen Spike angry and I don't want to be the object of that anger. He turns around to face the demon. He swings the axe and just decapitates him. No question, no smirks, no smart remarks. He is really pissed.

"Come on. They know we are here, no point in being quiet."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I can't believe they were so stupid. I knew Wes was up to something. I'll get to the bottom of this when we get home. For now I have to get Angel.

"Tara, Willow, make sure no one can enter the house until we want them to."

I go straight for the dining room. Our lady Darla always pampered herself with posh surroundings. She wouldn't use a basement for a little game of torture. No, Louis XIV furniture was more her style.

We find her there as I expected. There are some minions but those are easily displaced. They might have had a lot of beings protecting this place but mostly are untrained demons, weak humans or fledgling. Numbers can't do anything against the strength and experience we have. 

I see Angel on the couch. He looks horrible. Darla has done quite a number on him. I still recognize her style. I can feel his pain. I look around the room. There is only Darla, Dru and Lindsey left. Sweet revenge.

"Find me a human, I want to save Lindsey for last."

I order without taking my eyes off of them. Darla pretends not to be affected, my Dark Princess is talking about the stars and Lindsey is shivering. Not so cocky anymore.

Gunn and Xander come back with a man. Both pretend not to know about what I am about to do.

"He just tried to kill Willow." Xander tells me.

Any doubt I might have had evaporates quickly. I push him toward the couch.

"Buffy keep an eye on them for a sec. I need to take care of Angel."

I know she wants to kill Darla. She has been itching to do it since I called her, but the bitch is mine.

I quickly kill the man and puncture his neck. The still fresh blood starts to ooze out.

"Angel, come on, drink."

I push his head toward the dead man. He seems lost. I know he's fighting himself. I grab the back of his head with one hand while using the other to push the open throat to his mouth. I force him to look at me.

"Drink."

I don't have to say anything more. He accepts my order and feeds. Just tentative licks at first, but soon he is draining the corpse with a fervor that only such a prolonged abstinence could create.

"Are you okay luv?"

"I knew you were coming."

"Always will, baby."

I kiss him. We still have our game faces on. I scratch my tongue in his fang and let my own blood ripple into his mouth. I need to touch him, to feed him. I want him to know how much I missed him.

"Oh what a lovely scene? William, my boy, you have always had a way to steal the limelight."

The chit always knew how to spoil the mood. But the way I see it, she is not my grand-sire, so I'm not bound by vampiric lore to keep her alive.

"I'm not your boy. I think after your reincarnation I'm more you're older brother, so I would suggest that you shut your fucking mouth and start showing the respect you owe me."

"Spikey, don't be mean to grand-mommy."

"Dru, luv, she's your childe now, she's not your grand-sire any longer. Why don't you just leave us, Princess? You really shouldn't be here."

I can see the sign of her expert hand on Angel's body but my dark princess is a product of Angelus and Darla. She would never hurt Angel without Darla's orders. She has also been my love for a hundred years and I'll save her if I can.

"You don't want me here. The stairs told me that your heart has found his true mate but I didn't want to believe it. It's daddy, isn't it?"

"Yes, pet. Angel and I are together, but that's not why I don't want you here. Just go, please."

I think she sees it in my eyes that I am giving her a way out. She is not as crazy as she pretends to be but she still can't do it without asking her Angel.

"Daddy, should I go?"

He looks at me and then at her, my ex lover and his childe. We are both too connected to this dark beauty of the night.

"Yes, Drusilla. I think it would be nice to see Europe again, don't you?"

"Okay daddy. I'll go now."

Everyone is astounded that we would do such a thing. They'll never understand.

"Let her go." 

They move apart like the Red Sea and my dark beauty leaves my life once again. Just Lindsey and Darla are left. I circle him like a vulture around a dying man. I push my body against his back and murmur in his ear.

"I knew I was going to kill you. I never thought you would make it so easy."

With that, I land a forceful kick on the back of his knee breaking it. He falls down crying. It's music to my ears. The humans are shifting on their feet. I guess they still have some reservations about what I am doing.

"I can take care of them. You go kill, stake or render unconscious anyone you like. Close the door when you leave."

I have never seen humans move so fast. Now it's just the four of us. Angel is still weak but 2 liters of fresh blood have done wonders on the healing process. Lindsey is too busy moaning and crying to really be of any consequence. So it's me and the bitch.

I sit next to Angel. I start to massage his back with one hand while still staring at his sire.

"You stupid bint, haven't you learned to leave us alone? You were the cause of his soul, you made him leave us and now you're trying again. This time, I'll fight you and I'll win."

"Now that he is carrying your child you'll fight for him, but when he was just him, you didn't bother. That tells us how much you really love him."

Before I can say anything Angel interrupts me.

"They know about the baby, your baby."

I smile sadly and kiss him softly. I wish it were mine. Now I don't feel like playing anymore. I want to take my lover home and show him what I feel for him. I grab my stake and lounge toward Darla. She is experienced but she is not strong. Her mind may be 400 years old but her body is still 4 years old. The difference in strength between us is noticeable and I take advantage of it. A few spins, a couple of kicks and the stake is slammed through her heart. One less bitch on this planet.

"Lindsey, you are really annoying me with all this weeping. That only makes me want to hurt you more. Don't worry though, I don't plan to make you bleed. I'm sure Angel will enjoy draining you. I just want to kill you."

Now he is begging not to kill him, he's telling us that it wasn't his fault. He was only following orders, he never meant for this to happen. We shouldn't kill him. A lot of non-sense that would probably work on Angel, but he's facing the wrong vampire. Surprisingly, or maybe not, Angel is not trying to stop me.

"Before you kill him, I want him to know who the father is."

"Are you sure, pet? You don't have to."

"No, I want to see his face when he finds out."

I grab Lindsey by his shirts and drag him across the room. I know that knee must be killing him. I am making sure that he hits as much furniture as possible to make it even more unpleasant. His whimpering has turned into screams. I missed the sound. I am making a human scream again.

"Pay attention to what he wants to tell you, luv. You'll find it educational."

Angel kneels down and slips in game face once more.

"I guess you're at my feet now. Wonder how you like the change. I just wanted to let you know what a fool you've been. Not that you are going to live long enough to have any relevance. Wolfram & Hart knows who the father is and it's not Spike. No, the father is human. The father is you, you fucking bastard. You raped me and now you want to take my child but I'm tired of playing with you and your firm."

"You're lying, it can't be. The vampire is the father. I would know."

"No pet, he's telling you the truth. See I had plenty of idea on how to torture you, but I think this will be the worse form of torture, just knowing that I'll raise that child with Angel and you will not have the chance to see the baby because you'll be six feet under."

"Please, give me a chance. I'll help against Wolfram & Hart, I want to live to know my child. Please."

He keeps talking and crying. I kneel down and the lawyer is now sitting between us. For an instant I am back in time: Angelus and I hunting together, I as a mere fledgling and Angelus, my sire teaching me how to do it. This time the positions are reversed.

"Do it, Angel."

I grab Lindsey's hair and tilt his head to expose his neck. The lawyer is now crying hysterically. Tears form in my love's eyes. His soul won't let him go so far as to kill the bastard. That's fine with me. I break that elegant neck causing a quick death and offer him the cause of his nightmares. This time he takes it willingly, draining the body with less avidity but more gusto. It's his revenge.

He drops the body and I can smell the blood in this mouth. I attack his lips while my tongue cleans every corner of mouth. Blood, violence, and my love, what else could I want? My cock seems to have a few ideas of its own. I grab his hand and press it against my bulge.

I stare at him and I watch transfixed. He is as beautiful as a Greek god. He's shirtless. His chest doesn't look as marred as it did before he fed, but the scars make him even more attractive. His pants are ripped in several places. There is one tear on his thigh so close to his member. I bend and lick it while I rub him through the thick denim.

He pulls me up and smashes his lips against mine with a violence that is unprecedented since our reunion. The fresh blood must have awoken his own demon. We are kneeling on a floor surrounded by corpses, blood and vampire dust and the only important thing is our lust.

He takes off his pants without separating our mouths. Then he bends on all fours.

"Take me, please."

I haven't heard a sweetest request in quite a while. I spit on my hand and push a finger inside. He's soon bucking against it, fully relaxed. I withdraw my hand and press three fingers in without any resistance. 

"Spike, now, please, I need you now."

"My pleasure, luv."

I position my saliva-coated cock at his opening and slam into him. The time for niceties is long past. I reach for his erection and he starts rocking back and forth as if unsure of which is giving him the greatest pleasure. I let him control the rhythm for a while before starting to match my thrusts with his rocking. I know he is fighting to keep control. His cock is so hard and his balls are preparing for the blissful release, but he is restraining himself.

"I need..."

"Tell me what you need, what you want, luv."

"May I come?"

Cor, how exhilarating it is to hear him ask for permission. We have fallen into these roles slowly, but they are becoming more and more comfortable with each passing day. I don't think I could live without this power anymore.

"Yes, baby, come for me."

He growls my name as his semen covers my hands and the floor. I grab his hips probably causing new bruises. I piston into him with the residual violence of the day's events. He takes it and soon starts to push into me with equal strength. I close my eyes as absolute ecstasy envelops my body.

I lick him clean of my semen, before tongue bathing his stomach. By the time I'm done, he's hard once more.

"Again?"

I laugh at him. This is the same vampire that wouldn't smile in public not too long ago and now he's willing to have sex on a living room when anyone of our friends or enemies for that matter could come in.

"Get dressed Angel. We need to go."

His smile is gone but he lowers his gaze and puts his pants on. I kiss him softly. 

"I'll take care of you when we get home."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

This time he is kissing me, however the kiss is not so gentle. It has a need and urgency that surprises me after what we just did.

"Let's go or Buffy is going to come in and stake us for making her wait."

When we get out, I can see that everything is calm. Outside there are the remains of demons and a few humans tight up. Buffy looks at me with concern while Cordelia hugs Angel.

"Everything alright in there?"

"Yeah, slayer. What happened here?"

"Vamps are dust even though a lot of them must have followed Dru when she left. Demons and humans ran as well. We killed whatever we found and these 3 are the only ones we captured."

I am surprised and touched that they didn't let them go. I know how hard it is for them to accept that I may just kill them. I am willing to let them go since I am in such a good mood, but I need to know how Angel feels.

"What do you want me to do with them, pet?"

He shrugs. "Up to you, Spike."

I can feel the gasps from everyone. They are still not used to this version of the souled vampire. I untie them.

"If I ever see any of you again, I won't kill you, but I'll make you my slaves for eternity. Now go."

They run as fast as they can. I know they'll never get near us again.

"Let's go home, baby. I think I have a promise to keep."

**Facing Changes - Part 9**

**Spike's POV**

The sun went down two hours ago and he is still in bed. He told me that he was tired when I got up, so I let him stay in bed a little longer. However, I have been trying for the past 20 minutes to make him get up, but he is still lying there so I pull his covers. 

"What the hell you're doing, Spike?"

"I told you ten minutes ago to get your arse out of that bed. Now, are you going to do it yourself or do I have to drag you out?"

He gets up and sit in the armchair. It takes all my control not to lash out but Wes keeps telling me that hormonal changes render him moody and it's not really his fault. However, every time I think we have moved forward something else happens.

"Happy now?"

"I'll be happy when you get dressed and get downstairs."

"I have nothing to wear."

I'm losing my patience and soon he'll have to worry about a bloody contusion caused by yours truly instead of clothes.

"You can stay naked for all I care. I actually am going to enjoy the view a lot more. But you are going downstairs."

"You can't be serious. I'm telling you I can't wear anything. I'm huge, nothing fits."

I kneel in front of him and rest my hands on his knees. I know he thrives on physical contact. It doesn't make sense since most rape victims don't want to be touched but he seems to crave it.

"Look, you can put your sweats on and we'll go buy something that fits comfortably. It won't be difficult. You're not that big,"

I lay one hand on his stomach drawing circles on his still perfect abs. I know that the discomfort is real but he just started his fourth month and there is no visible sign of this pregnancy.

"See, you're just as gorgeous as you were four months ago."

I kiss his abdomen and he starts moaning. I can't suppress a chuckle.

"You're becoming a bitch in heat, Angel."

"What can I say? You're addictive." He sighs. "There's no way I can convince you to make love to me and forget about going downstairs."

"Nice try, luv. I'll make you a deal. We go buy whatever you need and then we can have wild sex until you get tired or my dick falls off. What you say?"

This time he's the one laughing. 

"This means we won't get out of this room for a few weeks."

"You think you can last that long, pet? Well promise is a promise so I'm stuck. Now clothes on."

* * *

**Angel's POV**

When we get down, Wes narrows in on Spike. The ex-watcher may still be the leader in name but everyone follows Spike's lead. I have become the invisible man. 

"Cordelia had a vision. We have discovered what type of demon it is. It shouldn't be very difficult to kill. It's big and strong, but also slow and stupid so I don't think it'll take long."

Spike is sighing. He knows that our little shopping trip has just been canceled. I am disappointed. I understand that slaying the demons is more important than the mall, I know because I have sacrificed my life often enough in the past, but right now I just want to go out with my lover.

"Sorry, Angel. Maybe you can go shopping with Cordelia to get a few things and we'll go out tomorrow."

I'm more than disappointed, I'm pissed, but it's not really his fault. It's kind of ironic that he has become the responsible one. 

"Yeah. whatever, go."

* * *

So here we are at the mall with Cordelia. It's closing time and we're finally going back to the car after she has picked enough clothes that will last me until I give birth. 

A car engine roars in the covered garage. I hear the tires squeak on the asphalt. The car is coming our way. Cordelia see it and pushes me aside. She hits the front of the car and flies in the air before landing on the floor a few yards away. Two men come out from the car and come my way. However, there is already a crowd so they go back in and drive away. They lower their windows and just waive at me.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

"I can't believe it you let that bloody thing get so close to me."

"Watcher, you are the one who left the sodding mobile on. It's not my fault that the noise attracted the demon."

"Well, it could have been important."

"Yeah, the demon didn't seem to care."

That's when I realize that Angel and Cordelia aren't here, there is no heartbeat besides Wesley's and I can't sense my sire. I run upstairs to see if maybe he left a message, but I find nothing. When I come down I can hear Angel's voice on the answering machine.

The message is short. He just tells us that Cordelia was hit by a car and they are at Cedars-Sinai hospital but the apathy in his voice scares me more than his words. Wes and I go through every red light to get there as quickly as possible.

We find him sitting on a chair, head on his hands. 

"How is she, luv?"

"They took her to the OR but they won't tell me anything."

Wes goes in search of a doctor or a nurse to find out what's going on.

"It's my fault. They were looking for me. She tried to protect me."

He's not crying, he isn't angry, he sounds like a robot, deprived of all emotions. I try to hold him but he moves away.

"I'm tired, Spike. There is so much death and violence around me. My soul hasn't made a damn difference, Angel or Angelus, I still bring death to the people around me."

"Listen to me. You are not the cause of it and you can't blame yourself. Cordelia is an adult. She chose to work by your side and knew the risks from the onset."

"I know, I've heard it all before but it doesn't help. I still feel responsible."

I don't know what else to say so I just run my fingers through his hair while we wait for news. He almost jumps from his chair when Wes returns.

"She's still in surgery. There was internal bleeding. The nurses couldn't really tell me much, we have to wait until the surgeon comes out. What happened Angel? How could that occur in a parking garage?"

"I don't think they wanted to hit anyone. I think they wanted to trap me. I don't know who they were but we can safely assume they work for Wolfram & Hart. I don't see them giving up so easily just because Darla and Lindsey failed."

I listen quietly. There is no point in upsetting him, although at this point I'll rather see him cry or yell than just sit there unresponsive. My mind goes back to the baby. It's becoming crucial that we find out why this child is so important to the law firm. I'll have to phone Rupert after we go home. It's time to get the council involved on this, at least unofficially.

* * *

**Wesley's POV**

We spent the next few hours waiting around. Angel seems like a wounded animal whose only goal is waiting to die. However he gradually relaxes into Spike's arms.

I can't believe this is the same vampire I met not so long ago in Sunnydale. He was strong and combative, now he just looks tired. I am certain that only Spike's constant presence is preventing him from breaking down.

I sit here staring at them. Regardless everything they have gone through in their 400 years of combined existence, I can't help but envy them. No matter what happens they have each other, they understand what the other is going through in a way that no human love can attain. Spike is now kissing him on the head. There is nothing sexual; it's just pure love. The look in Angel's eyes is clear proof that the feeling is mutual.

A doctor walks toward us. I hate bloody doctors. They have these poker faces and you can never tell if the news is going to be good or bad.

"Gentlemen, your friend is a really strong woman. She is out of surgery and in recovery. The operation is a success and there shouldn't be any complications."

A collective sigh of relief is let out. He tells us that only one can stay so Spike quickly decides that I'll stay while they'll go home since he doesn't want to get trapped in the hospital during the day.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

A knock on the door wakes me up. I look at the watch and it's 11 o'clock in the morning. I'm going to kill something. Gunn peaks in. 

"I'll be right there."

He nods and leaves.

"What is it, Spike?"

"Nothing Angel, just sleep luv."

I grab my jeans and go downstairs. 

"Look at what we just got."

Gunn hands me an official looking eviction notice that tells us that we have 48 hours to move. After a few phone calls we are told that we are not using the hotel for its zoning purpose and many protections that apply to residential housing don't apply to the Hyperion. Not surprisingly we find out that Wolfram & Hart were the lawyers that represented the owner of the hotel. We could fight them, but they could use this as a pretext to get to Angel. It seems we have no choice but to move. 

"Let's start packing. Let's get the books and the weapons first. Then we have to get all the personal stuff. We should be able to have everything packed by tomorrow night."

"Yeah man, and where do you plan to go in such short notice? They are just looking for the right moment to get to Angel and we are going to make it easy for them."

"I don't think so, mate. They just screwed themselves and don't know it. We're going home, all five of us."

A few hours later Wes returned from the hospital.

"They threw me out saying that I'm tiring Cordelia. She is doing fine and she'll be off all those machines by tonight. And what are you exactly doing with all these boxes?"

"Hello to you too Watcher. Stop talking and start helping. You should actually go to your place and start packing before we do the same for the Princess."

"What are you talking about, Spike? I am not going anywhere and neither is Cordelia. Gunn why are you helping him with this non-sense?"

So I go through the eviction notice and the phone calls. He moves quickly after that and all of his belongings are packed and back at the Hyperion before Angel even gets up. We figured we'd wait for him to wake up before tackling the seer's possessions. 

"Do you think it's wise to go back there?"

"Wes, we have no choice. It's impossible to protect Angel here in LA and they can go against the three of you just to get to him. At least, we have protection there and they are playing on our turf."

"No offense man, but I always thought that LA was my turf. I'll go but I don't think it'll be easy to convince Angel and Cordelia."

"Convince me of what?"

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Wes and Charles tense at my question, while Spike just stares at me with his amazing blue eyes and smiles.

"We have to move luv. Been evicted courtesy of your favorite law firm."

"And why didn't anyone bother to tell me before?

"Because you needed to rest and we just got this morning. Anything else?"

I don't know if I'm mad that he didn't consult me or happy that I don't have to deal with this crap. No matter how good it feels to surrender control, it's difficult thing to do after 250 of power. I sit at the table with the two humans. Spike come near me.

"Here is some blood. We'll go to the hospital next and talk to Cordy."

I take the mug and lean into his touch. He wraps his arms around me. He lands butterfly kisses on my jaw and my neck. He doesn't leave me until I finish feeding. A few months ago I would be embarrassed of this show of affection in front of humans but now it just feels right.

"You have any idea where we are going or we're going to camp outside?"

"Hilarious, pet. Of course, I know where we are going. Let's just say that it's a surprise."

"I don't like the sound of it."

"Admit it. You love my surprises."

"Yeah, but that's when they are limited to sex and our bedroom."

I thought that they were used to us. I guess I was wrong because Wesley coughs and spits the coffee he was drinking. 

"I'm sorry but I think we could go without the sexual commentary."

"Please watcher, like you don't know. You and Rupert have more books on vampires' sexual habits that anyone can read in a lifetime." Then he turns to me. "If you're done luv, we have to go."

He kisses me and I let his tongue inside. Does he know how much I need him? He must because his presence is what keeps me grounded. When I begin to breathe needlessly he moves away. His eyes ask the question that he won't mouth. I nod.

"I'm okay Spike, let's go."

When we get to Cedars-Sinai, Spike insists on talking to Cordelia alone. When he lets us in, she won't say what they have discussed. He just tells Gunn and Wes to go and get all of her things ready for moving day or better moving night.

We don't stay long. He won't leave me alone at the hospital and there are too many things to do. By the next night everything the five of us own are in a huge truck. He still won't tell me where we are moving, but it wouldn't make a difference since it's obvious that I don't have a say in the matter.

So here we are ready to go. This has been my home for 4 years and it just seems so strange to leave it now. I'm getting melancholic and I know it's stupid. I'm a vampire, I 'm immortal and things change but this is the closest I've got to having a home.

"Should we leave anything, keys, a letter?"

"I don't think the lawyers really care."

So here we are ready to go. Wes is driving the truck after we convinced him to put him bike inside the van that Gunn is driving. Cordelia is on our backseat and Spike is driving my car. Of course, for once it's necessary since I still don't know where the hell we are going.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

So here we are. Home. Sunnydale. I'm tempted to hit the welcome sign but I know Angel would never forgive me if I ruin his precious car on purpose.

"Are you fucking insane? You brought us back to hellmouth. I did everything I could to leave and you bring me back. I'm going to kill you."

I knew he wasn't going to like it but he'll get used to it. It's for the best. There are enough friends here that he should be okay.

"It's only until you give birth. You'll be safe here. Safer than you were in LA."

"There is no way I'm staying here. I'm moving back as soon as you give me my car back."

"Angel, don't be a total arse. I can't protect you and the three of them 24 hours a day. I'm also a target. Wolfram & Hart has too much money at its disposal and we can't be safe. They don't know Sunnydale. Most demons here won't go against the slayer and that will limit the lawyers' power. Besides, Rupert can help with finding out what we need about the baby. We have Willie, our local snitch. There is no better place."

"Spike, this is hellmouth. Every day there is a new and improved apocalypse and you think it's safer than LA."

Cordelia has listened to the conversation silently but I know she has strong feeling on the subject. She didn't want to return either. She was Queen C when she left and she doesn't know if the Scoobies will accept this new version.

"Spike's right. We can be miserable and alive in Sunnydale for the next five months or miserable and possibly dead in LA."

"No matter what happens, Luv, there will be plenty of people to protect you and the baby here."

So we finally arrive at the magic shop. I had spoken to Giles before hand and agreed to meet there so that we could go through what we need to only once. As soon as the bell rings all eyes turn our way. Big smiles appear on most faces, Rupert being the usual stuck up watcher.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

"See I told you that you were going to come back. I never thought that you would bring Deadboy and his crew with you, but it's nice to get our baby-sitter back."

"You should be used to surprises living on hellmouth, Harris. Besides you are going to have to pay me now, I have a family to support."

They have these matching grins. They look like two idiots. I had forgotten how childish Spike could be. It amazes me how he played grown up for Dru and is now going through the same routine with me but he remains a kid at heart.

Dawn and Buffy arrive late and throw themselves on Spike. I'll never get used to this. She loved me, I was the love of her life, I was special because of my soul. Besides, she is the slayer, he is a soulless vampire, they should be enemies not best friends. I know that I'm jealous of him, of her, but it's a good rationalization anyway.

"Slayer get off me, we need to talk and fast. Cordelia sit down, you're still weak. Everyone let's start paying attention."

I am tired, upset and want to go back home so I can't help myself and murmur: "Gee who died and made you God." I don't know how many heard me, but both Spike and Buffy stare at me. 

He starts telling them about the car accident and the eviction and all the other crap that's been happening. I spend my time throwing torn pieces of paper into the basket. Since most land outside, I guess I couldn't get a job in the NBA. I know my behavior is more typical of Spike than me, but I don't want to be here. Maybe if I annoy him enough we'll go.

"Tara and I have put a few, actually many protection spells around all our houses and the mansion. We also put alarms and few traps. Nothing should go in but if it does we will know."

My ears perk up when I hear my old house mentioned. "I'm not staying at the fucking mansion."

"Thanks Red. And I have no intention of staying in that place either. However, Wes, Cordy and Gunn can stay there for now. We can also use it for headquarters. I am sure Rupert is tired of having his store taken over. Besides the shop is too small for all of us."

He never explains his thinking. He's a master vampire. He gives an order and minions obey. I know that he is going through all this trouble to reassure me, but I have no intention of forgiving him for bringing me here.

"So where are we staying? Are you planning to rent us a nice crypt?"

"We're staying with the slayer."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

He developed an attitude the moment he saw that welcoming sign. I am attempting to be patient and deal with his 'pain in the arse' comments. However, I know that the sleeping arrangements will upset him even further. I have tried to delay this as much as possible but I can't lie to him so I tell him that we'll stay at Buffy's house.

"You are fucking insane. There is no way in hell that I'm staying there. You can stay here and pretend to be king, but I am getting the hell out of here."

I never claimed to be patient, I only said that I am trying, but this is the straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. I see him moving toward the door and I see red. I jump on him, pushing him toward the door and smashing it in the impact. I can smell blood. I don't know which one of us has been cut and it doesn't matter at the moment.

I grab him by his leather coat and push him up. I know I'm not playing fair since he doesn't have all his vampiric powers, but I'm evil after all. 

"Get your hands off of me."

I pretend not to hear and keep my hand at the back of his neck. Now I know how Angelus must have felt when dealing with his unruly childer, between Penn, Dru and me, I'm astonished that he didn't go insane a century ago.

"Sorry for the door. We'll pay you for the damages. I need to use the training room if you don't mind Rupert."

"We can hear you in there anyway."

I shoot a look that clearly tells Anya to shut up. I don't want to deal with her honesty right now. She has the grace to look embarrassed. In the past years, she has learned the right responses even though I know she doesn't really believe in them.

"Sorry, Spike."

I keep my attention focused on Angel. He's going to do something really stupid if he doesn't calm down. "Go in there, now."

"What if I don't?"

I don't even dignify his question with an answer. I push him toward the back room. He stumbles but keeps his balance. His demon comes out and I know he would kill me at the moment. I also know that he isn't strong enough to even hurt me. I morph into game face and give him a sarcastic smile.

"Come on guys, there is no need for this."

"On the contrary slayer, I think Angel has forgotten who's in charge here and needs a refresher course." I keep my eyes on him, gold streaks mirroring in each other's eyes. A series of emotions flick in his eyes but I can see that his demon is surrendering at my superior strength. 

I don't want this to become a show of force. There is no competition at the moment. This is a show of wills and I know I can't lose if I want to keep him safe. I get close to him. 

"In.There.Now." I tell him putting my hands on his arms, pushing him lightly. He could have resisted, he is not that weak but he must have come to the conclusion that his is a lost battle.

When we are alone a slip back into my human face and he follows suit.

"What was that all about? I know you're not so stupid as to think that I am doing this just to piss you off."

"No, you're doing this so you can have me and your dear orgasm partner under the same roof. And you expect me to be happy about the accommodations. I don't think so Spike. I am not staying at Buffy's, it's hard enough to be here, let alone staying with her."

"First of all there is no reason to scream, I hear well enough being a vampire and all. I think they just heard you in LA. Secondly, you know very well that I don't want Buffy. I love you and want you. Now if you want to calm down we can discuss why we should stay there."

He is pacing, still unable to grasp why I would make such a decision.

"Am I going to have to explain every decision I make? There was a time when your word was to be accepted, Angelus, no questions asked. You think I should treat you differently?"

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Should he treat me differently? I don't know. I just know that I feel like I'm exploding. I can't control anything, my body, my strength, my demon. I need for him to explain, the same way that I need him to force me to do what's best for me and my baby, even if I don't want to do it.

"Please?"

"Please, what?"

"I need to understand. Why would you humiliate me so much?"

All the anger he had disappears magically. He is embracing me. He forces me to sit still surrounded by his cool arms. 

"I want you to relax, luv. You worked yourself into a frenzy for no reason." His hand travels from my hair to the small of my back and back up in a continuous movement. I start to calm down despite myself.

"Think about it, pet. I am not trying to embarrass you but this is the perfect solution. She is human and no vampire can enter her house without her invitation. She is the slayer and no demon is stupid enough to fight her in her home. Even if they send out of town demons they will feel what she is. You can stay in the house by yourself and still be protected by her reputation and the thousand spells that enclose that house. Most importantly, she is the only one as strong as I am and I know she'll give her life to protect you if the need arises."

It does make sense, but I don't care. I want to be alone with him. I want the privacy of our home. I need the boundaries that he set up for me at the Hyperion. 

"We don't have to stay here. We can go to England, France, Italy. There are so many countries we can visit. It'll be fun, just the two of us."

"How are we going to get answer on this pregnancy? What happens when they find us? And they will. You know that they have contact all over the world. At least we have friends to help us here."

A gentle knock interrupts us. Buffy comes in smiling but keeps her eyes focused on Spike. Too embarrassing to look at me, poor defenseless vampire.

"Cordelia is getting tired. I'll take them to the mansion and come back. Xander already board up the door and is leaving with Anya. Giles, Tara and Willow have already left. Dawn is coming with me. They have cast protection spells for the shop, but it's a public place so keep your ears open until I come back."

"Thanks Buffy. We'll be all right. I think most vampires stay clear of the watcher's store."

"Okay, see you later."

When everyone leaves, he pushes me onto the floor and pins me down.

"Now you can scream to your unbeating heart's content. I want to know why you don't want to be here. Try the truth now."

My eyes are glazed and I fight to stop them. I feel his hand moving down on my body until it rests on my cock. He begins rubbing it and I can't help but raising my hips to create more friction.

"The sooner you tell me, the sooner we can do this." And the smirk is back. He knows that sex is always a good incentive for a vampire, soul or no soul.

"This is exactly why. I need to be alone with you. I don't have to pretend to be something that I'm not when there is no one around. It may be stupid but the moment people are around I start to play a role. I have to lead, I make the decisions, and I don't let you boss me around."

The last sentence is the one that costs me the most. I have learned to give him control of our lives. I don't even mind it when he does it in front of my friends. But Buffy and the Scoobies are not my friends anymore, or maybe they never were. And I resent the fact that they know how completely he owns me.

"If you don't question me as much I don't have to give orders. Besides what do you care what they think? It's our unlife and we have to deal with it for a lot longer than any of them."

"Easy for you to say. You're still the Big Bad. I'm supposed to be Angel, the souled vampire. Now I'm the pregnant vampire who can't make a fucking decision without his lover's help. That doesn't sound too good. And stop laughing at me or I'll have to stake you."

"Pet, that was the funniest label I have ever heard. Totally irrelevant, but funny. You are you. You're going through a lot of shit and most men wouldn't be able to cope with it, instead you are battling it out. Noone can blame you for needing help. I'll try to be less vocal when they are around if it makes you feel better, but I won't change our relationship so you can fulfill the cape and tight hero image. That wouldn't help you."

I'm touched that he is willing to adjust his behavior to please me. But I'm not even certain that it would help.

"No, I feel like I'm spiraling out of control when you don't keep me in check. One moment I'm thrilled about the baby and having a family with you, the next I want to take a walk in the sun. I know hormones play a big factor, but the knowledge doesn't really help when I get depressed. I don't really know what I want, but I know I need you to be in charge. I was finally getting used to our existence. I guess I don't want things to change. I want to wake up and be back at the Hyperion. I want you to make love to me without caring if Buffy or Dawn hear us. I don't want them to see me break down over tight pants and a swollen belly. I want to be shielded by probing eyes when the pregnancy will finally show. I don't want to be the laughing stock of Sunnydale when demons find out that I'm carrying a child. And finally, I want to know that I'm yours and that you don't want anybody else."

He's cupping my face now and his sky blue irides are pouring out so much love that it's incredible. You would never know that he is a soul-less vampire. He pulls me up into a sitting position and now I'm sitting between his legs, my back pressed against his chest. 

"Bloody Hell, this is the longest speech you have said in your unlife. And let me tell you, for a guilty-ridden, soul encumbered vampire, you sure have lots of wants and don't-wants." I can imagine the smirk that is covering his face at the moment. 

"I guess I do. Or maybe it's the first time since I got my soul that I feel comfortable enough to accept and share my needs."

"I'm glad you told me. As long as you tell me what you need we can work it out. We can start with moving in Buffy's basement. It's not huge and I know you were 'your spoiled lordship' before turning and have kept your status even after, but it'll give us some privacy in the house. It won't take long to have it ready. I'm sure Xander will help us."

I turn around and kiss him. I want to make love here and now, but he stops me.

"We are not done. Talk first, shag later. And no pouting allowed. I thought you were finally convinced that I didn't want anyone else. Are you really jealous of Buffy?"

I can see the hurt in his eyes. The master was right when he said that Spike is so human in all in responses. Much more than I ever was, even before I was turned..

"Jealous of Buffy, of Xander, of Dawn, you can insert any of their names. I am jealous of the attention they get from you and they give you. I guess part of the acting out is my need for attention. You always got Angelus' attention when you pissed him off."

"And usually, I would end up nailed to a wall for a few days. I really don't think that it's what you want. Baby, you're mine, you come before anyone in this and every world. I don't know what else I can do to make you believe that, but we can't isolate ourselves to prove the point."

I have wanted to ask him for a while but I never had the courage. He would never suggest it because, hell there are so many reasons why he wouldn't. So it's up to me to bring it up.

"I want to be your mate."

"Aren't you already?"

"No Spike, I want to do it according to vampire traditions."

"You must be out of your bleeding mind. We don't have mates, we have sodding slaves. Why would you want that? Isn't my claim enough? And what happens after you regain your strength?"

He is the one doing the pacing now. I hadn't count on this reaction.

"The claim might be enough in a specific moment, but you can't mark me, the scar always fades and I feel so empty. I haven't thought about the future but we'll deal with it, I guess. I want to do this."

He looks at me and I don't recognize the myriad of emotions that exist in the depth of his blue orbs. I can feel the anger though emanating from him.

"NO."

He runs off slamming the back door leaving me and my uncontrollable sobbing. I don't know how long I stayed there before Buffy and Dawn came back for us. They took me home and stayed with me for a while. I didn't said a word the entire time. If Spike can't understand, how can two young women comprehend the need behind my request?

When the sun is up I know he's not coming home and for the first time in months, I fall asleep alone cuddle by my own tears.

* * *

**Facing The Mating - Part 10**

**Spike's POV**

Does he know what he is asking? He has officially lost his mind. I can't believe that he is even considering it. Mating. What a laugh! The word may evoke feelings of love but in truth it's a clever invention so that every member of the Aurelious Order would be kept in check.

I have heard of this spell through Dru. She told me that the master found a spell that would bind two vampires. The ritual made perfect sense considering the way he ran the order. One vampire would be mated to a consort. This might sound romantic but in truth it would effectively render the vampire subject to it a slave dependent on the will and existence of his mate. If the consort were staked his mate would die immediately. All orders are to be followed to the letter. Disobedience is punished with death. No form of punishment is prohibited. Even distance weakens the mate until he eventually dies or is forced to return to his consort. The master bound many of his descendents to himself so that they would protect him and worship him to save their own unlives.

My demon is proud for and overjoyed of the offer. He would be able to tame and control its sire forever. Angelus would have no alternative but to do its will if he wants to survive. The demon could take revenge for all the injustices Angelus committed against me. 

But this can't happen. I don't want a slave, I want an equal partner who loves me and stays with me of his own free will. Why can't he understand this?

The human in me loves the power that comes from dominating him, but it's a submission that it's given freely. I give him what he needs because that is what we both want. 

I also know that he would hate me if I said yes. Angel, in all his incarnations, is a proud man. While he seeks to give up control at this moment, he still fights to keep the same power that he pledges to want to give away. He doesn't see that he's only paying lip service to this pledge.

What happens when the baby is born? He thinks that things will be the same but I know him better than he knows himself. He will become what he once was: an arrogant, opinionated and stubborn man who will fight me on every issue. I don't mind that. Eternity would be boring if I had to be the responsible one forever. I have done it for one hundred years with Dru and I'll do it until it's necessary to keep him safe, but our roles will change once he gives birth. I know this the same way that I know he will despise both of us if we go through with the spell. He won't be able to kill me because he would kill himself and that would leave the baby an orphan.

Too much is at stake to just give him what he wants. He wants a master and he'll get one but it'll be based on mutual desire not a spell.

I left him at the Magic shop last night. It's too early for Wolfram & Hart to realize that we left LA and the store is safe. I didn't really leave him though. I stayed outside smoking until I saw Buffy going in there. After that I headed for Willie's. Blood and alcohol provided company for a lonely day. It also gave me the chance to catch up on local gossip and let the demon population know that I'm back and not to be messed with.

I know my way around Sunnydale and day trips are not impossible especially with my handy blanket. I walk in the slayer's house before the sun goes down. I hope that some time by himself has cleared his mind.

"Hi Buffy. Is he still up there?"

"Yep. He looks horrible though. Cordelia will kill you if she sees him."

She doesn't ask me anything. She does know me better than anybody else and knows when to give me space.

"Do you plan to invite her?" I try to joke with her but I am not in the mood and I can' t think of a single sarcastic comment to make.

"Go to him. He's hurt, he thinks you left him alone last night. I didn't tell him that I could sense you when I went to the shop."

"Thanks luv. But he has to learn that others have needs too. Angelus has always been too self-centered."

I walk in my...our room quietly. He's still asleep. He's fully clothed. His face is streaked with tears. He's curled on his side and his hand rubs unconsciously his belly and the child growing inside.

Every fiber of my body tells me to take him into my arms and to give him everything his heart desires, but I know it wouldn't be the right thing to do. 

I take my clothes off before I start to undress him careful not to wake him. I lay behind him. I coat my fingers with warming lube and push two fingers in. They go in easily but soon his muscles tense around them.

"What the fuck..."

"Hello luv, I thought you might need to be reminded to whom you belong."

I keep moving my fingers slowly, preventing him from turning around. He is fighting me, he's fighting this, never relaxing, never surrendering to the invasion. This from the man that just last night claimed he wanted to give himself completely to me. 

"Spike, please, I want..."

"Enough with what you want. I want this now. I want to feel you around my cock. I want to hear you beg, to plead with me to allow you to cum. Do you have a problem with it?"

He hesitates. I am glad that he can't see my smirk. I'm actually overjoyed that he has rediscovered some of his independence and will to fight.

"Do you plan to answer me or you're going to give me the silent treatment?"

My fingers move faster and faster. This isn't lovemaking, no, this is about him making one of the biggest decision of his existence. I keep hitting his prostate over and over. He moans but he's still not surrendering.

"Oh God, Spike."

"I thought you weren't talking to me."

He touches his own cock and starts to pump it in rhythm with my trust. When I see him on the brink of orgasmic release, I stop my sweet invasion and pinch at the base of his erection. He squeals in pain. 

I flip him on his hand and knees and push my weeping head in. My pre-cum is the only lubrication he's going to get. He tenses around me and I penetrate him slowly enough not to hurt him but fast enough to cause pain.

I grab his hips and squeeze them. I can see the bruises forming around my fingers. My thrusts are fast and merciless. I never touch him anywhere else, I don't talk to him, I don't kiss him. I just slam my cock in and out of his arse. Each movement is a reminder of what he says he wants, of his request for submission. In and out, in and out, in an alluring tempo, oblivious to anything but my own wants. I don't care about anything but reaching my intoxicating release. And all rational thought leaves me in the instant that my dead seed spurts inside his stretched channel.

I stop for a few moments taking needless breaths still using his hips for support. When my flaccid cock exits unceremoniously from his hole leaving sticky trails of cum on his body, I throw myself on my back and close my eyes.

"But I didn't...you didn't make me cum."

I open my eyes slowly and his expression should be recorded for future generations to see. It's a mix of astonishment, anger, awe, hurt and pure lust. He looks like Adonis himself. I fake total indifference and just raise my scarred brow.

"So?"

He's speechless. I can see the wheels in his head turning. He still doesn't know how transparent he is in my eyes. He moves his hand but before it reaches his purple cock, I stop him.

"You're mine, remember? That belongs to me as well. You'll cum when and if I allow it. Now lay down next to me."

When his head hits the pillow, I go on top of him and I kiss him. My tongue snakes inside his mouth licking and tasting him. My blunt teeth scrape his bottom lip and the faint taste of blood assault my senses. One hand massages the nape of his neck holding and pulling gently his hair. The moans get louder again. My other hand fondles his balls. I scratch his exposed head with my nails. Every gesture is measured, always walking a fine line between pain and pleasure.

"Remember you can't cum without my permission."

His eyes try to focus on me but the desire has brought him to a different dimension. He is so close to reaching his sought goal of pure pleasure that I know he can't control himself. I squeeze his balls hard and pull them at the same time. He cries in pain and frustration.

"Focus Angelus or I'll stop."

He blinks a few times willing himself to listen to my words.

"Good boy. Just listen to me, pet. I know you, I know what you can take."

"Please Spike, you're wrong. I can't do it."

"Of course you can. Just surrender yourself."

I motion for him to lie on his stomach and I sit on his back. I start massaging his back, kneading each muscle, erasing the tension. He has forgotten his sexual desires under my expert hands. Time to add one more layer in this game. I morph and my fangs plummet unforgiving in his shoulders. I can taste all his anger and surprise in his rich blood. 

"Get up, luv and get dressed."

If looks could kill, I would be dead a few times over. If he weren't pregnant, I would be tortured for a few days before actually begging for death. I love to see that fire in his eyes.

"I thought you wanted to fuck."

"But I did pet. I want to go out now."

He gets up but can hear him murmur. That's my Angelus. I pretend that the 'I'm going to kill the little prick' was never said.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He took me, denied me release and he drank my blood. I'm going to kill the little prick. Shit, did I say that out loud? He doesn't say anything so I guess I didn't. When did he learn to play this game so well? He was my boy. He did what I said and now here it is completely dominating me. And shit if this is not what I've been asking for four months. Does he know that I would kill him if I could? Or maybe not. I'm so confused. I'll better get dressed because he looks like he's getting pissed.

"I'm going to take a shower first, if the master doesn't object?"

I put as much venom in those words as I can muster but he doesn't flinch. He just smiles at me.

"Of course not pet. Actually I think I'll join you."

Shit, shit, shit. Maybe I should just stay dirty. I know he's going to tease me to my second death.

I don't know if I'm glad or disappointed that he is keeping his hands to himself. I drop the soap and make sure to rub myself on his crotch when I bend down. Okay so now I'm teasing but I want to come.

"Having problems with the soap? I think I can help you with that."

He grabs the towel and starts washing me, lathering every part of my body. My already over-excited body reacts immediately. Each part touched seems to spark under his touch. Then I feel his hands reach for my ass. My knees give way and I use the wall to balance myself. My cock is fully erect but I remember my orders and I use every ounce of self-control to stop my orgasm.

"Shit, it's freezing."

"I thought that the cold water may help you with that." He tells me pointing at my dick. God, I'll kill him before the night is over. But I don't think insults will get me what I want.

"You could help with that a lot better." I suggest seductively, or at least I hope so. He is the seducer in here. I always took what I wanted, never wasting time with the seduction game.

"Angel, get dry, get dress, you won't be cumming until I want you to."

He gets out and is dress while I'm still muttering and cursing him, his family and his heritage. He was so sweet until yesterday. Why is he being such a bastard? I should be pissed. I was the one abandoned without protection. I should be upset, not him. That's when a scarier thought invades my mind. I am not nearly as angry as I should be. 

"Earth to Angel. What planet were you visiting? I asked you if you fed."

I shake my head still analyzing what I am feeling. Okay, I'm brooding, but for Satan's sake I'm supposed to fight domination or love it. I am not doing either. I enjoy giving him control but he's really pushing it. So why am I not willing to send him to hell and be done with it?

It's not because I need protection. He has made sure that I have enough people around to keep me safe until I give birth. No I need him for my mental stability. He is the only one that can bring me back from the recess of my mind. I was almost catatonic last night and I am ready to fight him now. Almost.

"Come on, start moving. I want to go out some time this century."

"What? Oh yeah, I'm ready."

Why is he smiling at me? What have I done that is so amusing?

"Angel, luv, stop thinking and start walking. Not getting any younger."

Then he grabs my arms and just pulls me downstairs. Buffy and Dawn aren't here. I should thank somebody, I just don't know what god decided to do me this favor. He hands me a mug with warm blood. I wonder what people would think if they opened the Scoobies' refrigerators and found blood bags. Being Sunnydale, maybe they wouldn't question it.

Soon we are in the car and I know where he is going. He can't be seriously thinking of going back. Oh shit, he is. We are. The mansion.

"Luv, you have to get out of the car before we can go inside."

"I don't want to go in there." I am pouting and I know it usually gets me what I want but nothing is as usual and he pretends not to see my lip.

"You seem to forget that what you want is irrelevant. Isn't this what you asked for? Being subject to my every want and need."

If he raises that scarred brow any more, it'll fly off his face. And damn I finally realize what he is doing. He's testing me. This is a game to show how stupid my request was, but it's not. So I follow his lead because if I want him to agree to the mating I have to show him that this is what I want.

I look at him and I can see the pain. He's taking care of me but this may hurt him more than me. At least I got used to the house when I came back from hell. He has horrible memories of this place.

"We don't have to go inside."

He's starting to answer me but he must see that the request is not for me but for him. I can't remember a time where I comforted him, not as Angelus and definitely not as Angel. I get close to him and put my arm around him. It's a small gesture but I really don't know what else to do. He gives me a smile and it shows his sadness and strength.

"Not many happy memories for us in there, luv."

"I'm sorry, Spike. There is nothing I can say and do to make it up to you."

"You're wrong Angel. You've already made it up. This house is the past, pet. We have already created new memories and I hope it's just the beginning."

And I remember why he is so special. He's a lover and a fighter. He won't let what happened, what I have done affect our new life.

"I love you Spike."

"I love you too, Angel. Now let's cut all this sentimentality crap and let's go inside."

"You have a way with words Spike."

"Well, I'm not a nancy-boy like you."

I start laughing. He hasn't insulted me since he arrived in LA. He's avoided any of the thousand nicknames he usually used to refer to his souled sire but it feels so good to see that he thinks I'm ready to hear them.

We find almost everyone sitting in the library. A chorus of hellos welcomes us. I wonder what we look like. We are two master vampires, leather dusters billowing, a presence created by centuries of experience, our complete opposite looks, the Scourge of Europe and here we are holding hands like two teenagers. 

Dawn hugs and kisses Spike as usual, but then she turns to me and kisses my cheek. I must have looked really pathetic last night if she thinks that I need a kiss.

I can feel a shift in the room. Everyone starts giving Spike recaps of what they are doing. Willow tells him that Buffy is patrolling with Gunn. Wes tells him about new books that Giles has found on vampire pregnancies and that we should have them in the next few days. Xander is reciting an inventory of weapons while Tara is listing magic ingredients that we possess and that we need. There is no question that everyone sees him as the leader.

"How's Cordelia?"

I ask timidly. I am not used to being ignored but I seem so small compared to him. Everyone turns around to look at me as if they are seeing me for the first time. Wesley is the one who answers me.

"She spent most of the day in bed as per doctor's orders. We had a doctor come over, there is no infection. She just needs to rest."

"Don't you want to go see her, luv?"

He tells me so softly that I'm sure no one else has heard him. I nod.

"Just meet me back in the garden once you're done."

I nod again and I kiss him before going upstairs.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I am sitting in the garden. I sense him when he enters the garden. My Dru loved this place. She could see the stars. The only stars I saw where due to the pain. I hated that bloody wheelchair. I hated that version of Angelus even more. I thought I was over it but this is bringing everything back to the surface.

I don't blame Angel, or anyone else for that matter. Well, maybe Darla, if that bint hadn't tried to take him away from me, he would never have killed that gipsy and would never have gotten the soul. But here we are and we just have to deal with it.

"How is she?"

He comes and sits next to me.

"She was sleeping but her heartbeat is strong and steady. She looks good considering. Thanks for letting me go."

I smile. Cor, he looks so good. For an instant, I want to forget about the past twenty-four hours, about the past, about this house. I want to lose myself in him but I know he's not strong enough to take his pain and mine.

"Willow was able to obtain these books for us, I would like for you to take a look at them."

And for Satan's sake if I don't sound like William the Bloody Poet. The memories have made my fake Cockney accent disappear to be replaced by my own educated one. His lip twitches into that loop sided smile that I adore, but he doesn't call me on it.

"Ye want t' know som'thing specific."

I try, really, really try but I burst into laughter.

"Mate, your accent is as bad as the lucky charm elf's one."

"I guess it is. I'll stick with the Yankee one. So what am I looking for?"

"Mating rituals. I want to find some ritual in any demonic culture that we can both live with. None of that Master's crap."

I thought he would like the idea. I want to give him the certainty that I'll never leave him. I want him to know that he belongs to me and I'll protect him, but I won't chain him to me. Instead he starts cursing with such a flare that I think Angelus is back.

"You goddamn, lousy piece of shit, you are a fucking idiot who enjoys to screw with my head. I can't believe that I didn't fucking kill you when I had the chance. I should have never turned you..."

I think a deaf person would have been able to hear a pin fall on the ground after he said that. Like I didn't have enough to deal with, he drops this little piece of news. I guess Dru hadn't lied when she told me he sired me. 

I wonder if he can sense my disappointment. I dreamed for years that he was my sire. I always loved him so much. Of course, I knew that Dru had drained me so I never question the fact that she turned me, at least not consciously. But my demon knew better, my demon was always connected to Angelus. 

I spent years trying to please him, to imitate him because my soul, and fuck everyone that says vampire are soulless because I know I have a soul, and my soul wanted him just as much as my demon. I killed a slayer in China hoping that he would stay with me. I tortured people mercilessly hoping for a word, anything. He never ever told me, never hinted, never gave me a crumb so I could hope.

And now, he hasn't even told me now. It just slipped out and I'm sure he is regretting saying it.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Oh God, what have I done? He looks crushed. I didn't mean to tell him. I know how much Dru meant to him. I promised I would never take him away from her and I have in more ways than one.

"I thought Dru sired me."

A simple statement whispered in this moonless night.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"You shouldn't have what? Sired me, told me, abused me, lied to me. Just what shouldn't have you done? I have been by your side for decades first and months now and you didn't see it fit to tell me such an important factor."

He's yelling and pacing. It would be comical if it weren't so tragic. He hates me. I betrayed him and I have no excuse for it. I'd like to explain it to him if he let's me. The fact that he hasn't attacked me yet gives me hope that he is still willing to listen to what I have to say.

"Darla and I gave Dru permission to make a child after she pestered us for months. After she drained you, she started screaming that the stars didn't want her to turn you, that you weren't hers. I don't know what possess me, but I couldn't let you die. Maybe it was that you weren't afraid or that you seemed truly excited to embrace unlife. I don't know why but I had to turn you."

He's sitting down now and staring into space. He seems so far away, so far away from me. He doesn't say anything so I take my cue and continue my tale.

"Darla threatened to kill you. She didn't want me to turn anymore Childer, let's just say that Penn and Dru weren't the best to put on my resume. Drusilla came up with the solution. We would lie to you, she would get her childe, you would stay alive or undead, Darla wouldn't pester me and me, I got to spend time with you."

"Why didn't you tell me afterwards? All those night spent together. I gave you everything I could but it was never enough. I asked you to leave with me after Darla rejected you. We could have been together."

"But I couldn't. I looked at you and I knew I should be proud that you killed the slayer and the demon was roaring to tell you but I knew I made you what you were: a killer."

"Always about you, isn't it mate? It's what Angelus wanted, what Angel felt. You never felt anything for anyone. Do you feel something now or is this another I need Spike now and fuck what's next deals?"

His words hurt me more than anything else that has happened to me in the past century. Even hell wasn't as bad as the sound of his voice. Once again I have managed to hurt my childe, my lover, what was that Dru said, oh yeah, my true soulmate.

"You were my favorite. I was proud of you. I loved you and I still do. When you came back to help me, I wanted to tell you but I needed you and I was afraid that you'd realize what I jerk I am and you'd leave me."

I hope he believes me and I think he does in a way. Angelus needed to emotionally screw the people he loved because he couldn't deal with the closeness. I know I screwed Spike in any way possible, mental and physical.

"Why was I your favorite? We fought every day. I remember you asking why you hadn't killed me yet. I also remember how proud you were of Penn. He was just like you. He copied your kills, he memorized you skills, and he obeyed you. So why me?"

If he decided to play truth or dare, then I'll tell him the full story. After tonight, one way or another, our past will be buried. I have no intention of rehashing this again and again.

"That's exactly it. Penn...he was perfect for the first few years. He would do what I said to the letter, never anything more or less. I felt I was on top of the world, but after a while it became boring. I felt a let down. After that, he could never hold my interest. You were completely different. You still wanted to imitate me but you had your own style. You were inventive and obstinate, you challenged me, you made me work for my supremacy, you made me want to be the best and the quickest because if I weren't I know you would take control from me."

Why is he laughing? I'm bearing my heart and soul and he's laughing so hard that I can see tears in his eyes.

"What the hell is wrong with you now? Why are you laughing?"

"Just listen to yourself. You tell me how much you loved me for my strong will and how you got bored with Penn, but you want me to say yes to a mating that will make you just like Penn when I can have you, Angel and Angelus. For once, I am in charge. I can protect you and command you. Do you understand what I have done? I have topped my sire, but I know that I have to be strong and be sharp or at any moment he'll take control again. More important I made my sire love me and need me. I made you want to obey me. Why do you want me to give it up? Why would you want to stop wanting to gain control again?"

Damn if I can answer him. He makes total sense. 

"When did you become so smart?"

"Always were, just got lost in the killing and maiming. So are you going to stop asking for that bleeding spell?"

"I guess I am, but I still want to...No, I would like to show you that I belong to you."

The feel of his arms around me sends shivers down my back. He has a bigger heart than most humans. I can't believe he is so ready to accept me after everything I told him.

"Cor Angel, we can find a million ways to do that. Mating rituals, piercing, tattooing, anything you need. We can search together for something that will satisfy you, but luv, the fact that I know is the only thing that counts."

He lifts my chin and those blue eyes are my universe.

"You're my sire and my lover and your mine. I don't need anything to tell me that but if need a tangible sign to prove it than I'm all for it. But know that sign or no sign I will fight to have your obedience and love. I know the fight will be half the fun. In exchange I'll protect you and your child. I'll give my unlife if needed. I pledge to you my eternal love and support."

I can't believe he just said that. He dries a lonely tear from my face. I never appreciated the depth of his love until this very moment. His declaration is worth a thousand rituals and ceremonies. 

"I can't really promise to obey you. I'm just as headstrong as you are." He chuckles but I can see he is just as moved as I am. "But I will try to do what you ask. I can guarantee you that I'll piss you off and I'll make you work to keep control. But I also assure you that I will love and respect you everyday of my unlife. You are my childe and my lover, you are the only one that Angelus loved and you are my one true soulmate."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

"Soulmates. I like that. Not as much as I am going to like making love to you."

And Satan be blessed if he doesn't go from romantic poof to horny vampire in less than a second. His mouth is on mine. His tongue wets my bottom lip before seeking entry. I scratch my tongue and his drawing blood. Our essences are mixing in my mouth before I push my tongue into his mouth repeating the ritual.

"The master bedroom is still unoccupied." I tell him.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"Pet, can you go a few minutes before questioning me?" I try for a casual tone but I don't know if I'm really successful. "Remember the past can't hurt us. Besides, I think I'll get a kick out of screwing you in Angelus' sanctuary."

When we get to the room, he rummages inside a closet and comes out with a chest. He offers it to me. My eyes must have popped out at the sight of so many bondage toys.

"Shit Angel, you kept all of this? Your soul really hasn't changed you as much as everyone likes to think."

He chuckles. I put the chest on the floor closing it again. 

"You don't like it?" He sounds wounded.

"I love it and I am sure we can have lots of fun, but right now I don't want to use you, I want to make love to you unless you want to fight me on this too."

His smile lights up the room.

I start unbuttoning his black silk shirt. His gaze follows my fingers as mesmerized. I kiss his wide chest, tasting him, smelling him, worshipping him. I move lower and open his cashmere trousers. I rub his belly.

"You're beautiful luv. You are an angel."

I land soft kisses on his stomach. I know soon we'll see the first signs of the new life he is carrying and it just makes me want him more. I pull down his pants and boxers before asking him to sit on the bed.

"No more underwear for you pet."

I expect a new verbal onslaught when he opens his mouth instead he just says: "Yes, Spike." I look at him and there is no sign of sarcasm, just pure love and lust. I am ready to pound into him at that sight and it takes all my control to continue divesting him. When I am done, I take care of my own clothes, never leaving my eyes from his gorgeous body. I move to the bed and resume my attack on his body.

I cup his face. I can't get enough of him tonight. Our mouths join and I close my eyes to savor our unity. Tongues are fighting for dominance until he surrenders to my will and I fuck his mouth. Our moans are the sweet soundtrack of this night.

I caress his neck and shoulder keeping my gaze on him. He is lying there waiting patiently for my attention. I don't disappoint him and start biting his neck with human teeth. I bite hard almost drawing blood. This hurts more than a clean bite with my fangs but I don't worry because I can smell his arousal.

I pinch his nipples until they harden. I begin licking around the dark areola before taking the nub in my mouth. I blow and he shivers at the cool sensation. That's when I bite him, suddenly and forcefully. His hips buck from the unexpected foray and a cry leaves him.

"More"

"You want more of this luv?" I tell him biting just as other his other nipple.

"God yes."

"Tell me what else you want baby. Like it when I lick your navel?"

"Yes, Spike, yes."

My actions mirror my words. His cock is hard. Traces of precum cover his fungus head.

"Do you want me to lick or bite?"

This time I draw blood and he's trashing beneath me.

"Spike, fuck me now." His eyes are yellow. His words and tone reflect how close to the surface his demon is.

"Don't think so pet. You'll have to suffer a bit more."

I take his heavy sac in my hands and play with it before taking it into my mouth. I graze my teeth on the sensitive skin and he's whimpering.

"Please, I beg you, please I need..."

"Told you, not always about your needs, luv."

I grab his thighs and push them open exposing him completely. My tongue creates a wet path on his perineum before I start rimming his puckered entry. He is muttering nonsense now, a continuous string of pleads and threats intertwined to obtain his ultimate goal. I have to use all my strength to keep him from impaling on my tongue.

"Stop trashing Angel or you'll be hard for the next week."

Some of my words must have made it through his brain because he's giving me control again. I start pushing my tongue inside him slowly a millimeter at the time. When I reach his gland, I flicker my tongue and I can hear his sobs of pleasure and restrain.

"Can't take it, please."

I move close to his face and kiss his tears away.

"Alright baby. This is your night too. Tell me how you want it."

Every emotion possible crosses his face. I smile at that. He's so grateful when not to long ago he would have just taken what he wanted.

"Anything?"

I guess it's time to see how far his willing to let go. The old Angelus would have had me on my hands and knees before we would even start. I need to know what my Angel wants.

He pushes me and pins me down before he kisses me. I think I know where this is going when I feel him positioning my cock at his entrance. He pushes himself down until his arse hits my balls. I grab his hips and prevent him from moving.

"Are you alright?"

I can smell faint trace of blood. I don't want to hurt him.

"I'm fine Spike. I don't hurt easily, remember?"

I keep my hands on his thighs when he starts moving again. He pulls out almost completely before slamming down again. He works my erection clinging and relaxing his muscles. Cor, I swear I'll come at any moment.

I tilt my head and touch my scar, the one Dru left on me in that alley so long ago. The sight brings his demon forth. He licks his bottom lip but he doesn't moves closer.

"What are you waiting for, you poof? Vampires, tilted necks, can't have a better invitation, luv."

He smiles and he is just as beautiful with his gameface as he is with his human features. I feel his fangs break the skin in the exact point where Dru had bitten me. His exposed neck calls me. I see his own scar and I bite him there trying to erase his last connection with his sire. The call of blood is more powerful than any stimulation. I can taste his love, his desire, his unconditional submission at this very moment. 

He keeps pumping me faster and faster. I can see the look of ecstasy on his face. I know I'm hitting his prostate over and over. I know I should let him cum but my brain seems to have stopped sending any signal to my mouth. The blood connection is broken as his tempo speed up. His eyes roll back and he cums covering my stomach with his cool release. His muscles squeeze around my cock and it's enough to push me over the edge. 

He slumps down and I close my arms around him. I feel him stiffen. I try to look at him but he won't raise his head from my chest.

"Baby talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"I don't know what you think you've done, luv, but I can assure me that I'm quite happy."

"I came."

"And?"

"I didn't...you never gave me permission."

I don't know if I should be amused or honored.

"Angel, look at me. You didn't disappoint me. It would take a lot more to let me down." A kiss him. "I knew you were about to cum and I didn't say anything. Besides I told you could have anything you wanted."

"Actually you told me I could choose how to do it."

Bloody Hell, the man has a sodding need to question everything. I think his effing soul makes him a little too honest. Hell, I used any escamotage to avoid from Angelus' ire.

"Fine, you think you deserve a punishment, I'll do it tomorrow." And Satan be blessed if his cock doesn't respond at that promise. "Now get off of me. You weight a ton. If you don't mind I haven't slept in two days and I'm tired."

"I love you Spike."

"I think you've told me that already but I don't mind hearing it again."

I pull him close to me and pull the covers up. 

"Angel?"

"Mmm"

"You never told me that your nipples were so sensitive. We could have played more games."

"Angelus would have killed you if you tried to bite him."

"Quite the bastard you were." I think about it for a while.

"Angel?"

"Yeah."

"If you still want a sign, you can have them pierced."

He looks at me and his eyes are so wide.

"Are you serious?"

"If you want. We can have something special done, some gold hoops or some personal design. We can decide tomorrow, luv."

"I'd like that."

"Angel?"

"Spike, I thought you were tired."

"I love you too." He snuggles even closer and I can suppress a smile. I have my sire with me, I have my lover. This is perfect happiness.

**Facing The Prophesy - Part 11**

**Angel's POV**

We are doing research in the library. I am starting to hate this room. Not that I am too fond of the entire house, but I have spent every working moment in here. Wes and Giles are fighting as usual over possible translations of books dealing with vampire's offspring. Anya is playing with Jesse while Tara is teaching Dawn spells and Willow is doing on line research. Cordelia is just lounging around since she is still too weak to actually do much. Buffy and Spike went out on patrol taking Xander and Gunn with them. Between the four of them I don't know who is more eager to avoid research. I try to be of use but I seem to be reading the same sentence over and over.

"Wesley, I think we agree that the baby will be a damphir but we still don't know why it's so important to these lawyers."

If they call the baby 'it' one more time, I am going to tie them up by their balls and kill them slowly.

"Well Rupert, if we follow the suggestions in the watchers' diaries, the baby can either be a great instrument of good, better than a slayer, or a great perfect master vampire."

"Yes Wesley, but we have no guarantee that the watchers' diaries are accurate. How many times in the past few years have we found mistakes? What if its destiny is a foregone conclusion? If that's true than we really have a lot of problems."

I immediately pay attention. What problems can they foresee? I can't pretend that I'm not interested so I question them.

"Rupert, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that maybe you should consider not having this child, Angel."

For months I wanted to get rid of this baby, but when Darla threatened this child I would have done anything to save him or her. I want this child, I won't give him up without a fight.

"Why is that?"

That's when Cordelia decides to have a vision. I know I shouldn't go but I can stand this discussion any longer. Spike is going to kill me when he hears. I better make sure that I came back before he does. They try to convince me otherwise, but I'm not staying here. Willow and Wesley insist on coming with me. Maybe this will calm Spike a little.

Spike's POV

We just finished patrol. We have set teams now. Xander and I take care of one sides of town, Buffy and Gunn take care of the other. Tonight we ended up fighting a pack of large and disgusting demons, so we are all together. We finally get to the mansion and I can't wait for a shower but we stop to give a quick recap. The moment I enter the library, I search for my lover. I usually sense him immediately but maybe the adrenaline rush from the fight is screwing my senses.

"Where's Angel?"

"You see Spike, Cordelia had a vision and we couldn't get in touch with you. And it seemed urgent."

I breathe trying to relax. Rupert better not be saying what I think he is.

"Where.Is.Angel?"

"He went after the vampires Cordelia saw. Willow and Wesley went with him."

I think my borrowed blood is boiling at the moment.

"Couldn't you stop him? He's fucking pregnant, for Satan's sake."

"No need to curse, now. He is quiet obstinate and was difficult enough to convince him to accept help."

I find Cordelia in her room and ask her for the details. The four of us are roaming the streets once again trying to find this nest. We finally reach the warehouse that Cordelia saw. Everything seems calm, a little too calm.

We look around and I can sense Angel, I also hear heartbeats. They must be here somewhere.

"Spike, come and take a look."

Gunn is standing on top of a wooden crate and looking through a window. I reach his side and I can see Willow, Wes and Angel tied up and sitting in the middle of the floor. I feel Buffy near me and I ask why Red isn't using her powers. The witch has become quite strong in the past years and a few vampires shouldn't stop her.

"How should I know? I slay and I don't solve problems. Maybe the fact that she looks unconscious has something to do with it, Spike."

"Yeah, are you a regular Sherlock? I meant before she got all tie up, you twit."

"Spike, I can kick your ass later. Now we need to introduce ourselves to those boys."

I guess that is our big plan. Go in, dust everything and go out. Works for me.

"Xan, Gunn, stay back, let us do the work. Kill what you have to, don't get kill. Simple enough."

The sarcastic response of the Zeppo is immediate.

"Very sophisticated guys. The slayer and the big bad and that's your strategy: kill and don't get killed."

"Xan, like you don't know us. When's the last time that we had a plan? Oh yeah, right, Glory. And I died. So let's go in."

We crush through the windows. Didn't anyone teach these fledglings to watch their perimeter? Guess not.

"Good evening boys and girls. Let's see if we can play. I take my friends and you live or I take my friends and you die."

"And who would you be?"

I guess that's the leader. He seems young, about 30 or so. Of course his looks are still those of a 20 year old with dark hair and dark eyes. He's probably not from Sunnydale or he would know us by sight.

"I'm Spike."

"I heard of you. You work with that bitch, the slayer."

I chuckle. Buffy is not too thrilled with him or me. Xander is laughing but manages to speak.

"You better let them go or you are going to have to deal with her, Buffy the bitchy slayer."

Of course that doesn't work. They start attacking us. I see that Buffy has dusted two before they even morph. We all work an area of the room until most vampires are dusted. A few flee when they see that they are not going to win this battle. By the time we are done we are standing back to back in the middle of the room searching for any possible hidden vampires.

When we are satisfied that there is no one else but us, we untie them. The witch is waking up. She is going to have quiet a headache tomorrow. Wesley seems to have some minor injuries, nothing that some peroxide won't solve. Angel doesn't seem to badly hurt, few scratches. I help him stand up but he bends over holding his stomach.

"What is it, luv?"

He just stares at me with those puppy eyes and I can see the pain.

"Gunn get the car. Move." I help him sit down again. "Tell me what hurts, baby."

His eyes are watery and he doesn't talk to me. The car is there in seconds and I carry him. We are trying to find solutions. I'm thinking of calling Tara to work on a spell or anything. When Xander comes with the most reasonable solution.

"The clinic outside of town. They may not know about pregnant vampires but this is Sunnydale, how surprised can they be?"

* * *

**Xander's POV**

I have never seen Spike so distraught. Maybe when Buffy died, but that's about it. He's sitting in the back of their car with Angel lying on top of him. Deadboy is not talking or moving. He's not doing much of anything and he looks exactly what he is: a corpse.

Gunn is driving the car, while I give him direction. Meanwhile the others returned to the mansion. The clinic is your usual run of the mill clinic for the uninsured. Too many people are waiting in the small reception area. It's obvious that they have been there for a while.

Charles must be used to places like this because before we get out of the car, he opens one of the blood bags and splashes the blood on Angel's shirt. When we get in, he starts screaming 'he's been shot, he's been shot.' We get into a room before they even ask his name.

Spike carries Angel to the table. He's still totally unresponsive. I hear the Bleached Wonder trying to reassure him. I feel for Spike.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

When the doctor comes in, she quickly realizes that there is no gunshot wound. She tries to leave but I have my game face on before she gets a chance.

"He's pregnant and his stomach hurts. We have nowhere else to go. You have to examine him."

I try to stay calm. I am not sure whether I sound threatening or desperate. She gives me this stares that implies that I am out of my mind.

"Listen you have just seen me morph, don't tell me that he can't be pregnant."

"Look I was born and grew up in Sunnydale. I know about demons and vampires. I have even treated some, but no one comes here and threatens me. Next time just tell the nurse the truth and you'll be seen anyway."

"You're not bad, doc. Most men would have peed themselves."

"Good thing I'm a woman then."

I guess I get to deal with all the smart arse women of this town. However, she opens Angel's shirt and pour some gel out of a tube. Then she uses a white plastic probe on his stomach.

"By the way, my name is Dr. Goldstein. What's yours?"

Of course Angel totally ignores the nice lady.

"Angel, his name is Angel. I'm Spike and these are Gunn and Xander."

She totally disregards the three of us and keeps her eyes focused on Angel.

"Well Angel, the baby seems okay. That noise you hear it's the heartbeat."

For the first time his eyes seem focused.

"Why am I in pain then? I was fighting and then the pain hit me. I wasn't kicked or anything. Is he really okay?"

"My guess is that it is just your internal organs shifting. Your body was not made to contain a uterus but you have developed one nevertheless. The rest of your body has to adjust to make room. I am sure you will feel more pain as the fetus gets bigger. This would have occurred whether you were fighting or not. And yes, your son is just fine."

"Son, he's going to have a boy."

I don't know why I feel so proud. It's not like I had anything to do with his conception. The doctor keeps talking to Angel.

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew. You said 'he' so I assumed..."

"You're the first person I see about this. It's not like pregnant males who are also undead are an everyday occurrence. So you're sure that the fighting had nothing to do with it."

"Am I sure? No, it's not like this is textbook pregnancy. Could it have affected the shifting? Maybe. Would it have occurred anyway? Yes. This doesn't mean that you're free to fight. I just don't know what could affect you and the baby. The only thing you can do is just keep checking that the baby is doing fine and let nature do the rest."

We find out that the doctor is a family practitioner but with some begging and whining we convince her to take Angel on as a patient. I don't want to go around looking for doctors. The quieter this pregnancy stays the better off we all are.

She gives us a new appointment for the next month and sends us off. The waiting room is still full. I am sure the doc doesn't get paid nearly enough for the service she provides. I leave a donation. Cor, I am the Big Bad and now I'm helping free clinics for the underprivileged.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

We are sitting in the car going back to the mansion. We are still in the backseat. His arm is around me but I feel the tension. Now that the scare is over, his anger is starting to surface. I know I deserve it and that's why I don't have the courage to face him. His hand runs through my hair and I lean into him even more. Just one thought enters my mind: I love him.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

He's not talking but he's inching closer and closer to me. I love him more than unlife itself but I am not sure if I am the best thing for him. I can't seem to get through to him. He is bent in doing everything that he shouldn't be doing. He knows that he's not as strong as he used to be. He also knows that Wolfram & Hart are looking for him and have probably figured out by now that he's not in LA.

I keep him close running my hand through his hair. He moves closer and I kiss his forehead. Just one thought enters my mind: I have to keep him safe.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

When we get to the mansion, Spike insists that we go in for a few minutes to reassure everyone. I don't know if everyone really cares. I'm thinking there is a certain watcher who might have been relieved if the baby were no more.

We don't stay long. As promised, he takes me out of there before a new round of 'what's going to happen now' starts. He offers Buffy and Dawn a ride but they refuse. Another silence ride to our new home is in store for us. Even after we get home he gives me no sign that he intends to speak to me ever again.

"Please Spike, say something, anything."

"I need a shower, I still have demon goo on me. Later, okay?"

I guess I have to be content with that. I am not in the best position to make demands. I wait for him in the basement. Spike keeps his promises and he did have the basement renovated so we could stay down here instead of his old room. The small windows have been painted and heavy curtains were put up so that we don't have to worry about the light. 

The room reflects him to a tee. He painted the room red and there are a million posters of rock groups. The curtains and the bed sheets are black, but he got silk because he says I'm a nancy boy who can't do without luxuries. I think he just likes them and won't admit it. There is a four-post bed and a huge stereo system. We also have a computer with DSL, a DVD, a TV and a VCR. I don't even know what half of these initials stand for but he seems to enjoy them.

We rarely turn the lights on. He has enough candles spread through the room to light the Empire State Building at night. Of course, it's a bitch to light them every night. However, I stop my mental complains when I see him come down the stairs. A meager blue towel is wrapped low around his hips. The hypnotic candlelight dances on his body highlighting his perfect muscles. I think I'm drooling, but he is a true work of arts.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I need a shower. A cold one. He wants to talk but we have had this discussion too many times already. He listens, he begs, he promises and then he pulls the same shit again. I know yelling at him doesn't solve anything but I really don't know what to do.

I take my time in the bathroom, trying to think, but I can't seem to find a solution. Time to go down and improvise. What was that the slayer said? Oh yeah, the only time we had a plan she died, so maybe I'm better off without a plan.

When I get to our room, he has already lit most of the candle. When I displayed them around the basement I didn't expect to light them all at the same time, but he looks so good bathed in the pale light that I wouldn't want anything else. He's looking at me like I'm the cherry on a sundae. He's practically drooling. Got to stay focused, I'm upset and no amount of sex is going to get him out of this way. Or at least I try to tell myself that.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

I move close to him and start kissing his neck and shoulders. Don't need to talk now. We can fuck now and talk later. Maybe he'll forget later. I am not that lucky.

"What the fuck were you thinking? The purpose of coming here was so that you would not have to fight and you would always have me or Buffy around to protect you. We didn't not come here so you could take care of the vampire population."

"I'm sorry."

"Heard that before, but it doesn't help. You should be punished."

I stare at him and I know he is right.

"Maybe you should."

I speak softly, ashamed of needing this. He doesn't even bat a lash.

"Strip."

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I'll go along but I'm not convinced. He needs to understand that this is not foreplay. It's not a way to get his stones off.

"Kneel next to the bed." He does and I sit on the bed, my knees a few inches away form him. He never looks up. We have played this game before even if he positions were reversed and the punishment a lot crueler.

"I want to know what happened. Why did you go?"

He starts speaking but his voice his so low that even the silence and my vampiric senses are not enough.

"You're going to have to speak up, pet. It won't do any good if I can't hear you."

"I said I was sitting there and they were discussing the baby like it was an object. Everything in terms of the good fight, could it help, could it hurt it. Always it, never he or she. Rupert was saying how I shouldn't have the baby, that he would create problems. And I felt trapped. When Cordy had the vision it seemed like the perfect solution."

Well at least he has a good reason. I'm going to have a little talk with the watcher about this. Anyone touches this baby and he's going to have to deal with me.

"Did you think about going to a room and do that Chi shit that you claim relaxes you, instead of listening to the conversation?"

He looks stunned. 

"I guess from the look on your face that that's a big no. The watcher said that I couldn't be contacted. Did anyone tried calling me on my mobile?"

"I lied to him. I told him that I couldn't reach you and that I had left a message on your voice mail."

"Anything else you want to tell me?"

He shakes his head. I sit in the middle of the bed and position the pillows for him.

"Okay, get up and lay across my knees."

I help position him so that there is no pressure on his stomach. I spank him lightly at first. My mind is fighting it: this is wrong, he is my sire and I am not supposed to hit him. I close my eyes and my hand goes down once again on his beautiful arse. Stronger this time. 

"Why are you being punished, pet?"

"Because I disobeyed you." His reply comes immediately. I struck two more times, always harder and faster.

"What else?"

"I put myself and the baby in danger."

The blows are coming almost continuously now. His arse is flushed now with borrowed blood. He starts sobbing and tears are threatening to spill from my own eyes. But I don't stop. As much as I hate seeing my sire like this, I know that my lover needs it. 

I know that no matter how hard I hit him, the blows will be a faint memory in a few hours, maybe less. It would take a lot more to cause real damage. So my hand lands blow after merciless blow until his sobbing becomes a mere whimper. Only then I stop. I move so that we are lying face to face. I try to erase the dried tears on his face.

"Are you okay, Angel?"

We both know that I am not referring to his body. 

"I will be. Thank you, Spike."

I take him into my arms. His large body seems to disappear under mine. He's shivering.

"Talk to me, luv. You end up doing stupid things when you don't. Remember, I'm Will, I'm the unruly childe, I'm the one that gets into trouble because he doesn't think. You seem to be stealing my part here."

A small noise, almost a chuckle. I lift his chin so that I can see him.

"So are you going to tell me?"

"I was thinking how long it'd be before I do some other stupid thing."

"Next time, you'll just make sure to talk to me first. Doesn't matter where I am, you'll call me and you won't do anything until you get to speak with me. That's an order, Angel." He nods but I remember how many times I disobeyed him and Darla. 

"I don't want to see you endanger yourself because you're too proud to ask for my help. You have to learn that emotions are just as difficult to conquer as demons are."

"Never had much use for them. Kill, maim, torture first, brood and repent later. No room for much more. This is a whole new world for me. The pregnancy and the baby have opened a door that has been closed since I was a little kid in Ireland."

I can see the pain in his eyes. He never told me much about his life as Liam. I know that when Darla turned him, he was a drunken, no-good son of a rich Irishman. The look in his face indicates that there is a lot more behind his past. I store the information to use at a later time. I don't think he can cope with this subject at the moment.

I get up and return with a small box.

"Look what I got?"

He opens the box and he's mesmerized by the three hoops inside. I had them made of white gold with an A and an S on each side of the hoop.

"Like them?"

"They are beautiful, but why three?"

"Be patient and you'll find out."

His fingers trace the tiny hoops and the initials in them.

"Do we do it now?" His voice shows excitement and fear at the same time.

"No baby. I'll make it special for you, if you still want to do it. They are not going to be a sign of punishment, but of love. I just wanted to show them to you to help you decide."

"I don't know what I would you without you Spike."

"You won't have to find out, luv. I promise, I'll always be with you."

* * *

**Facing The Piercing - Part 12**

**Spike's POV**

We are sitting on a couch in the mansion's library. I have my arm around Angel's shoulders and we are passing the time making out shamelessly. However, I want to do a lot more than French kiss him so it's imperative that we get home.

"You two have been on those books for a week. Would the bright English Watchers tell us what's going on?"

"Spike, this is complicated. We have to be certain."

Did they forget that I am not good with patience? I have been sitting here every night after patrol hoping that they'll tell us anything, but it doesn't happened. After that little disappearing act that Angel pulled two nights ago, I want to make sure that they work toward a solution.

"Yadda, yadda Rupert. What do you know?"

"Nothing much. The baby can be good, it can be evil."

"Let's get something straight Watcher, the baby is a boy, a 'he' not an 'it'."

"Be that as it may, we only have suspicions that if that law firm want him that chances are that the baby will be evil."

"Explain me this, Rupert. You have William the Bloody and Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, making out on a couch in front of 10 humans who will be alive when we leave and you think that a baby's destiny is preordained? I think your logic leaves something to be desired. However, if we are not clear on this, the baby will not be harmed or there'll be consequences to pay."

From the looks I'm getting, I think that everyone understands me loud and clear. I get the strongest support from Buffy. After all, she still remembers her little speech before taking on Glory to save Dawn.

Since they have nothing to report and all is quiet on the demon population, I decide to go home, however I am cornered by the Slayer.

"I need a huge favor. I have a date and I need you to watch Dawn. I know she's old enough, but this is still Hellmouth. If you can make sure she's home and safe."

The only thing I can think is 'there goes the night' but instead I say: "Of course, you and Gunn have a nice night." The smirk she gives him tells me that she plans to have a very entertaining night indeed. 

Of course leaving the Slayerettes is never easy so I'm not surprised when Xander stops me again.

"Are you going to come with us tomorrow night? We have reservation at Il Giardino. We wanted to have everyone there."

"Sorry pet, I already have plans for tomorrow night, but I promise we'll go some other time."

I yell at Angel and Dawn to get their stuff and we stop at Blockbuster before going home. Plenty of butter popcorn is microwaved before we go down to our basement to watch the tapes on my 52' TV. Did I mention that taking from the dead is quite rewarding?

We watch movies until Dawn falls asleep. When I carry her upstairs, I can hear the moans and groans from Buffy's room. Mission accomplished. I would have done anything to get her laid. A frustrated slayer is a bitchy slayer and I can't stand her, even if she is my best friend. I guess my plans will have to wait for tomorrow night.

* * *

**Angel's POV**

He's been too chipper since he woke up. He actually woke me up in the middle of the afternoon saying that he was too rested to sleep. That wouldn't really surprise me since he can't stay still ever, so sleep is more a necessity to be endured. What surprised me was that he made no attempts at having sex, which is unheard of. What really scared me though is the stupid grin that has been plastered on his face the entire time.

I am trying to get ready to go to dinner with the rest of the gang, but he is still dressed in very low riding jeans and nothing else. The sight is somewhat distracting and I am still wrapped in a towel.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

I can see him trying to figure out what's going on. I haven't told him what I have planned. He still thinks that we're going to Il Giardino with the others. He came out from the shower with that thick towel wrapped around his hips. I can see the slight bulge in his stomach. Nothing too obvious, but I have stared at that body until I have every lined memorized. I had it memorized more than a century ago, now his body is creating whole new lines to remember.

"Pet, come here for a second."

I am sitting on the armchair and he comes and sits at my feet. He looks up at me and there is only love in his cinnamon eyes.

"What's wrong, Spike?"

"Nothing's wrong, baby. We're not going out. I have something else planned for us."

I take the box with the hoops and hand it to him. He doesn't even open it, but his eyes go wide.

"I didn't want you to get worried, that's why I didn't tell you before. Take your time and we'll start when you're ready. We will do it today, though."

I add the last part to make sure that he knows that he's not getting out from this, not at this point. He finally opens the box and his fingers keep tracing the hoops and our initials made of gold.

"It's not the pain. I have dealt with lots more. I still remember hot pokers and a gem." I have to chuckle at the jab. Things have surely changed since then. "It's what they represent that scares me. I'll be yours, mind, body and soul."

"Angel, you don't seem to understand that you already are mine. These are just a reminder. And I'm yours, minus the soul part of course." He's laughing at me, and it's nice. Angel doesn't laugh enough. "I'm going to shower. You just relax, pet."

* * *

**Angel's POV**

Just relax, he tells me. Easy for him to say. I'm sitting here with this box in my hand still wearing nothing but a towel. Do I want this? I can hear the water running through the pipes of the house and I think about that perfect body covered by millions of droplets of water. I can picture his blonde hair plastered against his face accentuating his sexy cheekbones even more than normal. I'm getting hard just thinking about him.

But that's not the point. I can still have sex and not have the piercing. I've been the one bitching about the need of a sign, but now I'm officially freaking. Did he know that I would do that? Is that why he didn't tell me before?

Shit, the water stopped and I know he is going to be down here soon. What do I tell him? I can't believe I'm so unsure of what to do.

"Still brooding, pet?"

He's wearing only his trademark black jeans. It's still a mystery how they can ride so low and not fall off. A grin is plastered on his face. I want to slap him. I want to fuck him. I want him to fuck me. And suddenly everything is so simple. Those rings are a sign of his love. He had them specially made for me and I want to wear them.

"No brooding. Just thinking how much I'll enjoy having my dick inside that tight ass of yours."

"Well you can always dream pet, can't you?"

He tries to be serious but his eyes betray him. The sparkling tells me that he would enjoy it just as much as I would. And I realize that he is doing everything he can to bring me back to who and what I was. He says that he wants me to act more like myself and fuck if he's not going to get me. I am tired of playing victim. He is right, I have the strength to fight this thing inside me, and with his help, I know I'll be fine. There is just one thing we need to do before I start digging my way out from this emotional hole that I've created.

"I'm ready, Spike. I want to do it now."

I almost laugh at the concern in his face. I guess he never thought that I would really go through this.

"Hey, the sooner we do it, the sooner you can make love to me."

"Okay then, light the candles and I'll be right back." He tells me with this huge smile on his face. He can act like such a little kid sometimes.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

When I come back, I find him naked and sprawled on the bed. Once again, I'm reminded how beautiful my sire is. The soft candlelight gives him a tanned look. I know it's just a visual effect, but it doesn't diminish how gorgeous he looks.

I set the bowl I am carrying on the nightstand, next to the rings, and I kneel by his side. I can't resist him. I dip my tongue into his navel. I plant open mouthed kisses on his pecs. His fingers curl in my hair and he pushes me toward his hardening member.

"Grab the headboard and don't let your hands move. Unless you want to be tied." I add with a smirk. His cock seems to appreciate my words because it's standing to attention.

I play with him for a little while longer. I want him to be completely relaxed. I leave his nipples alone. They are so sensitive already that I don't want to add any type of stimulation.

Time to start. I immerse my hand in the bowl and press a melting ice cube on one of his nipples. I feel his hand move, but it's back on the headboard before I can say anything. I swirl the cube around the dark area, desensitizing it as much as I can.

When the ice melts, I pick the first hoop up and show it to Angel. He smiles. I pinch his cold nub while the white gold rips through his flesh. I hear a small hiss and nothing more. I look up and he is still smiling.

I seize another cube and repeat the process on his other nipple. When I fasten the second hoop I feel a sense of pride and love. He really wants to be mine. I lightly flick my tongue over his adorned nipples and it takes all of my control not to play with those hoops. Too soon, too sensitive.

"Stop that, it hurts."

"We're vampires, luv. We like pain, remember?"

"Then you should get pierced."

I raise my scarred eyebrow and he just laughs. I haven't seen him so happy since before the damn curse. I don't know what's more intoxicating his joyous mood or his enticing body. Fuck if I know and I really don't care.

I lay almost on top of him and I begin kissing him. He's already whimpering in my mouth. My hands run over his broad chest, touching every part except those rings that just beg to be pulled. He takes my hand into his and brings it to his nipple before gripping the headboard once more. I stare into his soulful eyes and they are filled with lust.

"Sure, Luv?" He just nods.

My fingers begin playing with one while I take the other into my mouth. I tug at one while I lave the other, conflicting sensations that seem to drive him wild.

"God, Spike, I'm going to come."

"No, you're not." A kiss on those beautiful lips. "You'll wait patiently while I play with my pet." A gentle tug on the new jewelry. "You'll cum when I tell you." A touch on the inside of his thigh. "First I'll fill you completely with my cock." A stroke on his hardened balls. "Then I'll start pumping so hard that you'll lose all control." A finger pressing against his puckered hole. "I'll hit your gland with each thrust until you'll be begging me to make you cum." The finger presses inside swiftly. "And when I finally allow you to come, you'll fly from the intensity of the experience."

My beautiful Angel is already panting. He's bucking against my hand. He's so hard that he could break steel. I love how he reacts to me.

"Let me touch you, Spike, please."

"Told you I'll tie you if I have to."

He sighs but when I run my teeth over his mushroom head, he seems to forget about using his hands. My tongue brushes over the slit before moving down the entire length. I close my lips over the pulsating member. I push another finger in. My other hand plays with both nipples. 

I continue this triple assault until he is reduced to incoherent mumblings. I have to bite his cock a few times to prevent his release. Through all of this, his hands never leave their place. I look at him and he is the perfect image of debauchery. His hands stretched above his head, muscles that flex under the strain of keeping control, eyes closed to world, the gold rings providing a nice contrast against his pink skin, long and thick cock pulsating with desire and borrowed blood, his knees bend and his heels pressed on the mattress trying to get more from my fingers. I almost cum at this sight.

When I stop touching him, his eyes fly open, rage and desperation etched in his features.

"Something you want, pet?" I ask him with a smirk. I want to take him. I want to feel him around me. I want to cum and make him cum. But most of all, I want him to beg me to take him. And I'll play this game until he does.

"Pleeeeeasseeeeeee."

"Have to ask for what you want, pet. Can't read minds, you know?"

"Take me, fuck me, please Spike, I need to feel you."

He is even more gorgeous when he begs and I am not waiting for anything else. I slam into him. I must have caused some tearing because I smell blood. I also hit his prostate pretty hard and he would have come with one thrust if my hand hadn't been pressing the base of his cock.

"Arghhhhhh. Spike, I can't wait, please, please..."

The begging continues in time with my thrusts. I slam hard against him, my balls slapping his arse each time. My hand on his cock preventing his release. His begging turns into sobbing. I think I see tears in his eyes. I don't think Angel, in any incarnation, has ever been denied anything for so long. 

"Luv, listen to me. I'm going to take my hand off. You'll wait until I cum before you do. Can you do that?"

His fogged eyes focus on mine. It takes a while before my words make it through to his brain and he finally nods. I position his legs on my shoulders before gripping his hips. I piston him, pushing in and out with all my strength. This is not love making, this is claiming my lover. The smell of flesh blood, his blood hit my nostrils. It's the final element that brings me over the edge. All my desire is milked out of my body by my blissful release. I feel him cum while I'm still buried inside him.

We are both panting, I think he has his eyes closed just like me. This was...intense, wonderful, empowering, memorable. When I open my eyes I see the bloody lip. I lick the remaining blood on this self-inflicted wound.

"Was the wait worth, pet?"

"Shit Spike, you gotta ask? It's been five minutes and I'm still breathing. I think that's a clear 'yes'."

"Good."

* * *

Angel's POV

He kisses me and leaves. I know he took something, but I am too exhausted to move. Great sex and a pregnancy tend to make you weak even when you are a vampire. After a few minutes I feel the mattress adjust to his weight. I turn to look at him.

"Holy fucking shit, Spike."

"Is that a 'how the fuck could you be so stupid' or a 'shit, that's so romantic and I love you' comment?"

I cup his face while my thumbs trace his eyebrows. The third gold hoop is now embedded in his scarred brow.

"You didn't have to...I love it." I can feel the tears falling from my eyes, but for once I'm crying from happiness. I've found everything I want in my unlife, I've found Spike.

"I want you to remember that I'm yours too, pet. We'll be together forever, like we were meant to be. The ring will just be our little pledge to each other. Besides, it just makes me look cooler." He adds with a smirk.

I know he's trying to lighten to mood. He tries to lessen the importance of his actions but I am moved that he would do this for me. He turned my alleged act of submission into one of equality. He keeps reminding me that we are equals and this is the final sign. I guess it took me a while to understand, but I finally do. There are no rules that stop us from just loving each other. We are not bound by anything, no sire/child bond, no master/slave role, no, we are equals. 

"Love you, Spike."

"Love you too, Poof."

**Facing A New Road - Part 13**

**Angel's POV**

I can't believe that I'm almost six months pregnant. The baby will be here soon. What's three months when you have lived for over 250 years? But time seems to move so slowly. I want to meet my child. I've seen the sonograms, but they look like a big blur to me. Doctor Goldstein, aka Jacki, aka the bint to Spike, says that the baby looks perfectly healthy. I just want him to be born.

Since there isn't much to do but wait, I spend my time reading and researching. Dawn is giving me an instruction on modern culture, if you can call it culture. We are the only two who are not allowed to fight, so I am spending more and more time with her.

Tonight, we went out, just the two of us. I don't know if I was supposed to protect her or she was to keep an eye on me. We were allowed to go straight to the mall and back. Now that I've accepted this pregnancy and don't feel like killing the entire universe (been there, tried that, got staked and sucked into Hell), it's almost funny to see these twenty-something humans treating me like a kid. 'Angel, don't go far.' 'Angel, wait for someone to give you a ride.' 'Angel, you shouldn't go out, alone. It's dangerous.' That's my favorite. I remember when the streets were dangerous because I was out. The irony of life.

So we went to the mall. Dawn needed a gown for a school dance. I needed new sweat pants. Everyone assumes that I need them because I'm getting bigger. I am, but not so much that I need a new wardrobe. No, the truth is that Spike usually can't wait and rips most of my clothes off. His idea of foreplay. So, I need to go shopping every few weeks. 

On the other hand, I, his sire, am not even allowed to touch his jeans. He is still wearing the same pair he had when I saw him again for the parent/teacher meeting back in '97. I think he did change the black t-shirt because it got torn while fighting a demon. His red shirt, DM and duster are still the same.

Dawn loves to go shopping with me. She says that I have better taste than most and I'm not as talkative as Cordelia. Cordy's answer to that was that I'm closeted gay. I tried to explain that I'm not gay, I'm a vampire, but she said that only proves that in my mind I'm not out of the closet. Two hundred and fifty years on this planet and I still don't understand humans. 

We are going back home, car full of bags. I still can't believe that I'm sharing the house with Buffy, the slayer, and her sister, the former key. Not to mention the very annoying, very blond, evil childe who has been taking care of me for the past six months. I can't stop the smile from forming on my face. I can't wait to sit next to him and cuddle. I know, I'm a sick vampire, a disgrace to my species, but I love Spike.

When we get home, the house is empty. It's still early and they must be patrolling. Dawn and I have this little routine when we are home alone. I help her with her homework when it involves liberal arts, then we eat, and finally we sit in front of the television with a huge bucket of popcorn that I pretend to eat and she devours.

Today, our routine is interrupted when they all come bursting into the house. Then I see Spike. He looks horrible. He has an arm around Buffy's shoulders and the other around Gunn. They are practically carrying him. One of his eyes is so swollen that it's completely shut. The other is all red from the blood. He has cuts and bruises all over his body. His leg is bent in an unnatural manner.

I should be feeling bad, and I do, but he is only injured. No matter how bad the injuries, I know he's not going to leave me. I can deal with injuries, received many, caused even more, no, injuries are fine, dust would have been a different matter. I can definitely deal with this.

"Let's take his duster off and put him on the couch."

"That's right, Luv. Don't ruin my duster." He says to no one in particular.

* * *

**Buffy's POV**

We have seen a dramatic increase in the demon population. From what we have learned, they have mostly been hired by Wolfram & Hart to go after Angel. Up until today, there is not a single one that has gotten close enough to even look at him, let alone hurt him. Spike has been killing everything in sight. Sometimes, he tries to do it alone, like tonight, and that's the result. However, I think this may turn out to be a very good thing.

Yes, because Angel seems to have finally awakened up from his six-month torpor. With one statement, I see Angel becoming what he once was: the person in charge. If I hadn't lived with him for the past few months, I would have never believed how passive he had become. He has been getting better, more self-assured, but tonight he reminds me of when I first met him.

I can see the determination in his face while he is carefully studying every injury, every cut. The love he feels for Spike is obvious, but there is something that was lacking just this morning: the need to protect what's his.

Angel is giving orders again, yelling at people to give him the supplies he needs. His hands run carefully over Spike's body, assessing the various wounds. He tapes the blonde's ribs after telling Spike that he has four broken ones. Then, he moves to the knee.

"It popped out, Will."

"Same knee, Angelus?"

The switch in name tells me that there is something there. You pretty much know what mood they are in depending on what they are calling each other. But this is more than just a memory, it's going back to a different relationship. Angel hasn't called Spike, William since he got pregnant, not once. I asked him about it and he told me that Will is his childe, but Spike is the one who is taking care of him. 

"I'm sorry, Will."

"Not your fault then, not your fault tonight. Just fix it."

"Buffy, I need you to keep him still while I pop the knee back. Make sure he doesn't move or he'll hurt his ribs."

I nod and move next to the couch, holding his shoulders down while Angel aligns the bones. The scream Spike lets out his animalistic. I can only imagine how it must hurt.

"Stop screaming, I'm done."

"Shit, Angel, you know your bedside manners suck."

"Gee, and when did you start minding my sucking?"

I can't believe Angel made a joke. Spike starts laughing while holding his ribs. In the meantime, Angel is checking to see if there are any wounds that he has missed. When he's satisfied that Spike is alright, he moves next to the reclined vampire. He pushes his wrist to Spike's lips.

"Drink, Will."

Spike is sucking like a baby to his mother's breast. A gesture of love.

* * *

**Dawn's POV**

A few days have passed since Spike's injures. I know he is feeling a lot better than he's letting on. When Angel is not around, his limp disappears and his eye opens miraculously. He's enjoying being babied after all this time.

When I asked him why he's hiding his recovery from Angel, he told me that Angel is enjoying being in charge. Maybe he is right. Angel has become a totally different vampire in just a few days.

Last night, we were at the mansion when Cordelia had a vision. Angel took over immediately. He started dividing jobs among the members of our dysfunctional family. He decided what and how we were going to do. Only when everything was settled did he turn to Spike.

"Unless you want to do it differently?"

I had been watching Spike. He was sitting on the couch while Angel was standing near the table with his back to his lover. Spike had this big smile on his face. He was proud of Angel, I could tell. When Angel turned around to speak to him, his expression changed, feigning indifference.

"Whatever you say, Luv. It's not like I can go out and fight."

He sounded bored, but the moment Angel continued with his battle plans, the smile reappeared.

I was even more surprised at Angel's reaction when Jesse came running in, threatening to jump on 'wounded' Spike. He picked her up seconds before she could throw herself on 'oncle Spike', as she calls him.

"No, Jesse. Uncle Spike has a boo-boo. You can play with me, instead. Okay?"

I think everyone's jaw dropped at that moment. Angel doesn't say boo-boo. Angel doesn't play with little and annoying kids. No one dared say anything, though. At least until Spike started laughing so hard that tears were wetting his face. 

"What? I just don't want her to hurt Spike."

This generated even more laughter. He took it well. And for once in his unlife, he wasn't brooding.

* * *

**Spike's POV**

It's been a week and I can't pretend to be hurt anymore. Although there was some major damage, I suffered nothing that would justify the need for a long recovery time. I'm going to miss this past week. Angel has been so happy taking care of things. Not that I'm complaining.

The past week has been bloody fantastic. I have never been cared for this well since becoming a vampire. Angel has been by my side the entire time. The first few days, we spent our time in bed, not shagging, not making out, just lying there and talking. It was different. It was nice. 

I can't remember a time when I have been happier. When I was turned, I needed to prove myself to my new family. When he left us, I needed to take care of my Dru. With the chip, I learned to take care of myself. After the rape, I had to take care of my sire and lover. Now, I can just relax and let him take care of me. At least for a while.

He's coming down the stairs. He looks so good. I enjoyed our platonic week, but I plan to enjoy his body tonight. I'm lying on the bed naked. My hand runs slowly up and down my erection. I stare at him. He looks at me and smirks.

"What? Can't a vampire be horny?"

"A vampire shouldn't be using his hand when he has better options."

"You seemed to be busy planning and scheming. Maybe I should call Buffy to help me out with my little problem."

He growls. He practically jumps from the stairs to the bed and on top of me.

"I'll be the only one helping you. Are we clear on this, Will?"

"I might be wrong, but it looks like you got some stones, mate."

Before I can add anything else, his lips are claiming mine. Strong, possessive, in control. I surrender. My lips part to give him full access. His tongue snakes inside me. He's practically fucking my mouth while his hands are running over my body, touching but never staying. The roughness of his jeans against my bare skin reminds me of my need to feel him.

I try to pull away. I try to free him of his clothes, but he stops me. He pins my wrists with one hand while the other continues to stimulate my body. I whimper, but he doesn't seem to care. His hand continues pumping me with a merciless rhythm. My shaft swells under his feral attack. He bites my nipples and it sends waves of pleasure through my body. I have never felt so out of control with Angel. My hands are pinned over my head, my nipples are being teased with blunt teeth and cold tongue, and my cock is being worked ruthlessly.

"Spike, let go, please. Let go, for me."

His voice is so soft, in sharp contrast with his heated need to possess me. And I can't deny my Angel's request. I don't want to. I want to be finally his just as much as he is mine. I feel a powerful orgasm sweep over me like an overflowing river after the tempest. I spill cold release for what feels like minutes.

I open my eyes to see him staring at me. There is a sense of satisfaction and innocence there, which remind me that I'm dealing with Angel. In the past six months, he has always waited for me to take the initiative. He played the obedient sub in our relationship. I can see that things are going to change tonight.

"Can we take your clothes off now?"

"Don't move. I'll do it."

I smile. His order would have a stronger impact if his eyes weren't pleading. But I go along and stay here, still covered with my own cum. He strips quickly. His eyes are burning through me like raw fire. I can't look away, at least until he takes his silk boxers off. His cock is standing at full attention, slapping his stomach with every step he takes.

He reaches the foot of the bed and prowls over, looking like the predator he is. He's kneeling between my legs. His hands begin rubbing my stomach. He seems totally absorbed. I wish I could see what he's seeing.

"Are you going to fingerpaint with my cum?"

"No, I'm going to do this."

He pushes one finger inside me. A scream is ripped from me. It's been more than a century since anyone has been inside me, since he has been inside me. I think I closed my eyes, but somehow I can still see his face. 

He's moving slowly. He doesn't want to hurt me. I start pushing against his hand. I want more. A second finger slips inside me. Cor, how I missed this, missed him. It's been all about his needs, but tonight I can just lie here, enjoying the feel of my lover inside me. 

He's found my prostate with his fingers. Bloody hell, I'm going to cum before he even enters me. I open my eyes, trying to regain some control. He looks at me expectantly. My brain can't think. I'm enjoying him too much. What is he waiting for? I need him. I need to feel his cock claiming me, making me his. Please, Angel, please. That's when I realize that he wants me to ask him aloud, to give him permission.

I cup his face and kiss him. I don't know when I morphed, but his tongue presses against my fang and I can taste his blood. My brain is screaming 'just tell him'.

"Angel, Luv, I need you inside me."

When I feel the mushroom head pressed against my rosette, I press back with all my strength until he is fully inside me. Why didn't we do it before? I am overwhelmed by the feeling of completeness. I'm so tight that it hurts. It burns like fire, a fire extinguished the night he left me, and finally ignited again with a passion so intense that it's driving me to the brink of my second release.

"Are you okay?"

Am I okay he asks. I'm fucking better than okay, I'm where I always wanted to be. I want to scream at him to move, to just shag me senseless, but I don't want to scare him from this, so I nod.

He finally moves. His cock is leaving me, creating an emptiness that only he can fulfill. When he slams back inside, I scream or moan, or maybe it's all in my head. But it doesn't matter. He keeps moving, taking me, reclaiming what was once his and still belongs to him. With each thrust, his cock hits my gland. And it's so erotic and stimulating. I'm so close, but I don't want to cum. This should last forever. But it doesn't. I feel his hand grabbing my erection. He begins to pump, meeting his own pace. I surrender under his commanding assault until every drop of milky release is taken from my body. 

He grabs my hips. He pushes violently. Flesh meeting flesh. Added friction while I clench my muscles around him. Uneven and unneeded breath filling the air. Moving, never stopping, until he sends his semen deep inside my body. Release, sweet release.

He falls on the bed, next to me. I wrap an arm around him. He puts his head on my chest and I pull him even closer.

"This doesn't have to change anything, Spike." 

I'm not sure if it's a statement or a question. I tug lightly at one of his nipple rings.

"You're still mine, Angel." I tell him. "It doesn't change anything." I repeat. 

It's a lie. I know it. Things are changing, and for the better. Soon he'll know it too.

Facing the Future - Part 14

Spike's POV

We are in our room. Dr. Goldstein is here. She got our frantic call about two hours ago when Angel's water broke. I wish I could say I was the one to call her, but I was panicking like a father to be. I kept saying 'it's too early'. Angel was not in any better shape, screaming and cursing at anyone that got close to him.

I'm not sure who finally called her. However, Gunn went to get her to the clinic where she 'borrowed' the ultrasound machine. When she arrived we questioned the fact that he was only thirty-four weeks along, but after the sonogram she assured us that all organs were fully developed and the baby would have no health problems. We shouldn't worry, she said. Of course, she never told me that I should worry about what a pain in the arse a person in labor is.

The first complaint arrived when the doctor gave Angel a hospital robe. I still didn't see what the big deal was, but he was bitching about how horrible it looked. It must have offended his sense of fashion. 

Then she put some gel and he was complaining that it was too cold. This from a vampire who has spent most of his existence killing and maiming. When she attached the elastic belts with the heart monitors, he started ranting about the fact that they would have to be removed if he needed to go to the bathroom. When I pointed out that he has no physiological need to use the john, he cursed me. When the pain finally arrived, I was ready to stake him. So we have spent two hours with him screaming for any reason and me trying to calm him down.

The bint refuses to do a C-section. She says that she has no idea what it'll do to parent and child. I tried to explain to her that vampires have no real fear of knives; they embrace pain, at least up to a point. She still refuses.

So I sit here next to Angel. His hand is wrapped around mine. Every time the contractions come I feel he's breaking every bone in my hand, but I won't leave him.

"I want to get up, Spike."

I look at him. God, I hope he doesn't see the terror in my eyes. "I don't think that's a good idea, Pet," I say softly.

"I'm getting up, NOW. Just get out of my way if you don't want to help me."

I look at the doctor and she shrugs. "Let him. Labor can take anywhere from 12 to 24 hours after the water break."

I turn to my lover and help him. My only thought is shit, shit, shit, I won't have any feelings left in my hand in twenty-four hours.

The moment he gets up a new contraction hits. He bends over, letting all of his weight rest on me. Now, he's squeezing my arm. God, he is strong.

"I want to lay down."

"Duck, you just said you want to be up," I say tentatively.

"FUCK, shit, I said I want to lay down. Is that so difficult to understand?" he yells at me.

I close my eyes, summoning all my patience and I don't have much. "Okay, back to bed, Luv." The bint is looking at us and she's actually smiling. One of those 'I'm so glad it's not me' smiles and I want to fucking kill her.

"Do you need anything, Angel? More blood? Water?" I ask him when he's laying down.

"I.Want.This.Fucking.Baby.Out.NOW."

I have never heard Angel curse so much, not even as Angelus. I don't know how much more I can take. I'll sodding stake myself if this baby doesn't come out soon. 

I turn to the doctor and ask pleadingly, "Can't you give him anything? Pleeease."

She smiles some more, but shakes her head. "I really don't know what the effect drugs would have. They may actually slow down labor."

"Oh God, no," I say without thinking. Angel growls at me, but at the moment he can't really attack me, unless you count his effing strong grip.

"It hurts when I sit." Angel pouts. I hate when he does that.

"Maybe, you'll be more comfortable on your side, Luv." I try to keep my suggestions at a minimum since if it doesn't work he'll decapitate me.

"Come in bed with me," he whines. I get on the bed and spoon him against me, one hand supporting his neck, the other rubbing his swollen stomach. This is wonderful: some quiet.

"I want blood." I sigh and start to get up.

"No, don't move." I sigh again. He'll so going to pay for all this crap once the baby is born.

"RED," I scream. "Get me some blood and a straw."

Within a minute, she arrives with two mugs, candles, and a book. Tara and the two watchers are following her.

"Didn't know it took four of you to warm up some blood?" I say sarcastically. Please, let them tell me that they found a new apocalypse that requires my immediate attention. 

"Tara found a spell that will stop the pain. It requires four people and it's complicated, that is the reason we are all here, Spike."

"Ta, Pet. I love you forever if you can do that." Shit did I just say that? Where did the Big Bad go?

They start lighting candles and chanting. I remain close to Angel, holding the mug so he can drink the blood. I can feel him relax against me while they are whisper the spell. When they are done, Angel turns around and smiles. God, I missed that. I kiss him on his forehead before jumping out of bed.

I hug and kiss the two witches right on their lips. Red winks at me; Tara's face is the same color as Red's hair. I jump on Giles next. He has time to get used to my antics and doesn't flinch anymore.

"That's enough, Spike. Angel may start to think that you fancy me," he tells me dryly. I love English humour.

When Wes sees me nearing him, I swear, the ex-watcher gets hard. Okay, I'm lying, but I'll get him to admit that he's gay one of these days.

"A simple hand shake will suffice, Spike. Besides, I did it for Angel, not for you."

I give him a wicked smile. "Yes, I know how much _you_ fancy Angel."

He runs up the stairs without saying a word.

"You're evil, Will."

"No shit, Angel."

They all leave, including the doctor. We stay in bed. He falls asleep for about two hours, but then he wakes up with a scream. The bint runs down the stairs and checks the monitor and the little slip that comes out of the machine.

"The contractions are getting stronger, another few hours and we should be done," she tells us while she walks toward the couch.

In a slip second, Angel is in game face and on top of her. "I'll fucking kill you if you don't get this baby out. I'll kill you slowly and make you suffer just as much as I am."

The woman is terrified and truthfully she deserves it, but the Poof will feel bad if I let him kill her. So I get up and run to his side.

"Angel, leave her be."

He turns to me. For a moment I'm back in time. His beautiful demonic features mirror my own ridges, smell of fear in the air and the pure rage in his yellow eyes. Any other time, it would have been intoxicating, but now I have to save the bint.

"Angel, I said leave her alone." I push him toward the bed and manage to pin him down. Not an easy feat when done on someone as big as him. I grab his nipple ring through the robe and pull it sharply. 

He screams, but then he focuses on me, his ridges disappear and soft brown eyes stare at me. "I'm fine, now. Sorry."

"What's going on Angel? I mean, I know you're in labor, but you're no stranger to pain."

He looks at me with puppy eyes. I see tears forming.

"I don't know, Will. It feels so different. I would welcome external pain at this point, but this...this is unnatural. I can feel the pain from the inside, like a hook trying to suck my entrails through my bellybutton." I smirk at the lovely imagery. "Don't laugh, Will. It's horrible. I feel things. Worse than my soul. I'm happy, sad, angry."

"Strong," I interrupt him.

"Yeah, strong, but I can't do it for a few hours."

"Yes, you can, Luv. Come on, lay down again. I know a cure," I tell him with a smile.

"I don't think sex would work right now," he replies sarcastically.

I pull him on his side again and start massaging his back. He sighs. Good, he won't kill me for the moment. I hear Buffy and Dawn come down.

"Everything fine down here?" the slayer asks us.

"Yes, Pet. I guess the spell is time limited and Angel, here, was showing the doctor how good he looks in game face." She raises her eyebrows in question; she keeps trying to do it with one only but can't manage. The doctor, to her credit, has remained calm, someone else might have bolted the instant they were free again.

"Sit, Slutty. You and Nibblet can keep us company for a while."

"Sorry guys, I'm going out. Just wanted to wish you good luck. You'll probably still be here when I get back," she adds with a wicked smile. The girl would make an excellent vampire.

"You're not going out dressed like that. Your date will think that you are only good for one thing: sex," Buffy tells her. 

I start laughing. "Yes, you tell her, Slutty. This from the woman that fights with skirts so short that every vampire knows the color of your knickers."

"Have sex Dawn, have plenty of sex, just make sure you don't get pregnant. It's bitch," Angel tells her. Buffy and I stare at him, Dawn is giggling. 

"Thanks for the advice, Angel." She kisses him on the cheek and leaves.

"So, what do we do now, guys? Wanna play cards?"

"As long as it's not strip poker, I think I'm underdressed at the moment." Buffy and I are shocked. Angel needed to be in labor to develop sense of humour. 

We hear a scream from upstairs. We all recognize the voice: it's Cordy and sounds like a vision. Angel looks at us and says, "I guess someone else is giving birth." Two jokes in less than two minutes, I should be taping this.

"Buff, we need you. Vampires," Xan yells. I think he's too afraid to come down.

"Sorry, I'll see you later. Good luck, Angel." She kisses him, just like Dawn had done before and leaves.

"It's just the two of us, Luv," I tell him, but hear the doctor clearing her throat. "Yeah, I forgot the bint doctor." She laughs at me, but comes over and checks the long roll coming out of the machine.

"You're doing great, Angel. Contractions are about three minutes apart. Once they get two minutes apart, then, we'll be ready for your son." She has a different tone when she talks to him, like a mother talking to a little child. I'm glad she still cares for the vampire that just tried to kill her.

And the bint is right. The screaming and panting come faster and faster. He's still lying on his side with my hand on his stomach. I can actually feel his belly harden for a good minute at a time. Each time, he squeezes my hand as if his life depended on it. I guess, in a way it does.

Not even thirty minutes after, she checks again.

"Okay, Angel, it's show time. Spike, I want you to embrace him, your arms right above his stomach. When I tell you, you start pressing, pushing the baby down."

And this is so odd. I'm lying in bed with my lover and we're going to have a baby. It should be impossible, but here we are.

**"ARGHHHHHH."**

"Push," she screams and I press as hard as I can, careful not to break his ribs in the effort. It seems to go on forever, but she assures us that it's only been ninety seconds.

"God, it hurts. Make it fucking STOP."

"Angel, listen to me. Next contraction I want you to push with all your strength. I know you don't need to breathe, so make sure you don't start while pushing." We share a smile. He was panting through the contraction as if oxygen would ease the pain.

"Get ready and push."

Why do vampires hear so well? I should have used earplugs because I think he just perforated my ear canal with his screaming. I keep pushing, though, and I can feel the baby slipping down.

"Stop pushing."

"Something wrong?" I ask her in panic.

"No, the head is out. He'll just slip out now."

I watched amazed and she turns the kid, clamps the umbilical cord. She hits the baby on the feet and the baby cries. His lungs are as good as his dad's. She shows the baby to Angel and I can see the tears in his eyes

"He's wonderful, Angel." He turns to face me and kisses me. I can taste the salt from his tears, but they are a sign of joy, so it's fine.

The doctor takes his son to the side where she had prepared blanket and few instruments. I see her sucking something from the baby's mouth and nose, then she checks the baby temperature.

"Your son will be just fine, Angel. Here, hold him. I still have to make sure that the placenta comes out." I look at her for the first time after the baby is born and her eyes are glistening too. When she sees me staring at her, she smiles at us. "I'm just happy that everything went fine. Too many things could have gone wrong." We both nod. Angel is too happy to really understand the meaning behind the words.

Once she is satisfied, she asks Angel to turn on his back. "I just want to do another sonogram to see what left inside." A few mmm and ahhh later, she tells us that Angel is back to his usual male self.

"So, no more kids, Doc?" I know this is really not what I should be caring for at the moment, but I think once is enough for a vampire.

She shrugs. "Wasn't supposed to happen the first time, Spike."

"Ta, Doc. That's really reassuring," I tell her, before she leaves us alone.

"He's got wonderful blue eyes and what a set of hair on him, Luv."

"All newborns have blue eyes, or so Cordy tells me." He is staring at his son as if the baby would disappear from his arms, but when he turns to look at me, he has the same loving gaze. "Maybe, they'll stay like that. Lindsey had blue eyes."

I freeze. I never wanted to hear that name again. I guess the baby will remind him of the lawyer. 

"He would be a dark Irish: my dark hair and your blue eyes." I think I start breathing again at the words.

"What's your son's name? I'd hate to call him 'kid' for the rest of his life. Of course, I'll find my own name for him eventually."

"His name is Patrick." 

"Already gave him the job of slaying the demons."

"Very funny, Spike. His full name is Patrick William O'Donnell. And Will, Patrick is our son."

"Our son, Luv. No one will ever separate us, Angel. I love you, Pet."

"Love you, too."


End file.
